Let me have Now

I don't know how long this is going to go on.

There were days I thought I would never get through this, there were days I was convinced everything was over. And they were.

When I reminisced what's left of the memory, all I had was that faithful, or not so faithful, day filled with cruel lines, words, ignorance and painful heartaches, I felt nothing but sorrow, sadness and grieve beyond words. And the utter bliss that was further kept in the distant memory, somewhere in a little dark invisible corner of my head that sometimes, just sometimes, surfaces.

Those feelings have faded.

I never knew I will find a smile as beautiful again, a smile I love and makes me cuddly every single time. That smile has been replaced, with a more beautiful curve, more heart capturing, or maybe more present, more livid, more realistic, for everything that was once upon a time became a distant memory. A faded vague distant memory.

I want to live in now, the present, it was once a present, and the sudden corruption of that presence blinked overnight. Morning came, I woke up in a coma. Or maybe I've never woken up, for it was a coma, a long reality-like coma that lasted forever.

I live in fear, disguised intelligently under ignorance, negligence of the ever prodding pain from that little dark corner of my mind; by laughters, pleasure, love, and care.

Dwelling among the past, present, future was once my favourite past time. Not any more, not any longer.

Forget the past, ignore the future.

Give me now. Just right now.