Thou shall be free one day...
I don’t really know why I’m sad. There are many things I should be happy about.
But I’m sad.
I’m sad because you’re not there for me when I needed you.
I’m sad because I can’t be with my parents whenever I want to.
I’m sad because work doesn’t turn out the way I want them to.
I’m sad because that I can’t afford that dress I like so much.
I’m sad because my phone has not been ringing since we last talked.
I’m sad because I’m walking in a shopping complex alone.
I’m sad because you look away when I look at you.
I should be happy, because there’s nothing reasonably sad for me to be sad about.
But why am I sad?
I want to pack my bags and run away from here.
I want to stroll down some stone pavements in a village along a stretch of terrace houses and cafes on a quiet Sunday morning.
Prague maybe. Or Edinburgh.
Sit by the sea and feel the salty wind at night.
Talk to a stranger and maybe flirt a bit while running through Bangkok.
I want to climb up a hill, unpack my sandwich and share my lunch with the clouds alone.
Grab a street cat, hug and cry inconsolably over the silliest things on a winter late afternoon.
Catch an unscheduled train to the end of the world, and gaze out the window from my cabin while I scribble random thoughts into my notebook.
Where is my freedom which I once possess?
Where are the happy perspectives I once uphold in me?
All those seem to have drowned, to sink deeply into the lights of this bright dazzling busy sleepless city. It’s easy to get lost here. And I’m losing myself every passing hour of the day, week, month.
Why am I sad?
I looked out the window of my condo at the distance lightings that are the streets, shops, cars, buildings. A bird trapped in a big beautiful cage emblazoned with diamonds, endless supply of food and water.
Words fail me. Overly emotional. Blank thoughts.