Seeking My Soul

same thought here...

You not alone girl...

i feel your pain.. this kind of situation does suck to the ultimate max! sigh.
hang in there, nicole! :)

Hi Nic

What happen to U ?

I didnt visit Yo blog 4 sometimes already.....

CHEERS UP!

I L U

Anonymous said...
You deserve it BITCH!

13/12/07 7:37 AM

No, you the bitch, hiding the name behind, BITCH!

It's heart wrenching to see this sort of thing going on...esp to see it being published on a blog. It's like having all those thoughts written out into words...no more juz thoughts.

Im going thru the same thing... tho not a good thing, some amount of pressure does get lifted off.

Let time do its stuff... Take care

Just go and call the boy up and confess your feelings lah!!!!!

All these "sufferings" for no reason!!

Karma has its way of working its magic :)

Hi Nic!

Do not care about the negative post and ignore all the mean people. I think the more you show how much it bothers you, the more they will taunt you.

About your last post.... Be careful about what you write.... I just don't want to see other people getting so pissed off at you that they do something stupid. KL is not that big of a city. There are some crazy people out there and they know what you look like.

Please take good care of yourself ok?

Hi Nicole,

I have been heart broken and make someones heart break. It is indeed hard to find true love. I mean I after all the failure, I still believe in true love, The one whom you love so much adores you.

I feel like you are hitting on the wrong guy, a guy that does not deserve you. Be strong, after all these, you will find that it is finally over and you find yourself stronger.

Or perhaps you just played the love game wrong. You do have to pull back sometimes you see. Being too obsessed does not really work when the relationship is not yet stable. Oh! Be happy!

Hey Nicole,

Time to take another trip - somewhere beautiful, somewhere nice & bright, somewhere people smile at you, somewhere children laugh & play. Life is beautiful even sometimes we get hurt a little, feel sad a little.. BUT we pick ourselves up, march on and seek the joy that we know it's there. Cheer up girl! You are smart & beautiful, you have everything going for you, don't let the negative comments get you down, you have so many supporters so why worry about the few that don't deserve your attention in the first place? The new year is coming - with new hope & new joy! So cheer up girl, wipe those tears and if you look around you, you will find there are so many wonderful things around you that can put a smile on your face - your family, your friends, your work...& your blog!

Best wishes from a stranger

Let's club diz weekend!

I club in Miri and you club in KL and as long as we dance the nite away, no matter where you are we know we're having fun!

Juz remember to bring a parang along and always make sure you hang it around you waist all the time.

There's so many wandering tentacles lately

Enjoy!

We all have been through this before. However you have to allow someone to love you.

What happen here? It's really sad to see you become like this because of some negative comments by some "itchy buttock fella"
It doesn't matter how people think of you. What that matters is how you think of yourself.
Fame comes with a price dear ...
Hope you come back to the cheerful self ...

My ex-gf: Is she loved Me? when she said:

1. You bloody bastard! Fuxk your ass hole! whenever there was a little mistake.
2. You are meaningful to me? - Knowing that I mind she is going out with her ex-bf and do me a favor to be as simple 'KEEP ME INFORMED', but only being keep informed after meeting up or found out myself (reason given - forgotten) and required me to wait and be understood for another 3 and 4++ years pursuing her career dream oversea.
3. When I needed her, she asked "If you needed me by that moment????"
4. When I wanted to talk to her, needed to be untill she has completed her work and brain washed me that her work is the priority.
5. Why she was mad with me? explanation: Because I USED TO do the same thing????? 'USED TO' (PAST), am I really unforgettable?
6. She feels being charged/prosecuted whenever I questioned her about my feelings when I don't feel being cared, no attention given, hasn't she lost her felling toward me? etc...., anything wrong when a couple having a doubts which needed to be clarified? or clarify further?
7. She knows and counting what she has done to me, how many times she has returned my calls, she had done whatever and whichever the moment I told her that Why can't get that she loves me? I don't even remember how much I've done to her (Do i need to count how many gifts I gave? How many calls I made? How many flowers I sent? How many jewels I gave? If you remembered? don't think it is LOVE!)

My relationship with her only last for 6 months until I found my Mrs. Right for about 3 years now and going to marry end of this year however her relationship continues on with others not more than 1 year still.

I LOVED her very dearly and understood that I did hurt her last time due to some insecure feeling from myself , but she was not a person who likes to clarify and will think I simply brought out problem to charge her whenever I questioned. BUT I DIDN'T SEE THE RETURNS instead of Take it as granted. I had had a very hard time during that time...actually it seems like I was still single and she was actually NOT BELONGING TO ME AT ALL, she was either belonging to her dreams and any.

Everything changed and I FEEL being so loved the moment I met my Mrs. Right. I could feel the belonging whenever I need her, she could always secure my feeling and there is a MUTUAL returns. I could JUST INSTANTLY Feel the different, can deny that we have also some arguments in life, but it just turned so sweet eventually and improved, I just wondered why last time my relationship was not working in such a way.

What I would like to convey here is... If you wanted to keep your relationship, don't be too SELFISH, relationship must running in a MUTUAL direction. If one end failed, another end will be slowly broken down too....giving too much will be exhausted, there are always a sign or symptom to tell that you have to do something, if you think that you have done a lot - actually you are NOT because LOVE never know how much you have done. But well, don't just expecting that you have give and for every give you must have a return! - This is selfish too. Remember MUTUAL.

Cheer up...take care

Hi Nicole,

Just so you know, many understand how you feel.

Blog on don't stop.

I wonder how this blog has garnered so many angry comments. Its still just a blog afterall, and these anonymous commenters are hiding behind their pc's spewing rubbish comments. You really should ignore them as they are probably just trying to get some attention.

Nic, you are still young and attractive too, I am sure you dont find that much trouble getting dates or advances from guys. Its tough when the person you care for so much doesn't care back, but thats just life. Its experiences like these that spawned that famous line from moulin rouge. On top of my head, I can readily name some guys that you should get to know. Really nice, outgoing, funny and down to earth. Good looking too. But I will let fate decide if you were meant to bump into them.

Meantime, cheer up! You are way too young to let something like this bother you too much.

you'd grow outta this misery....it was exactly how i felt when i happened to me. :) you'll grow stronger, you'll learn who you truly are. and you'll learn not to take things for granted but learn how to be selfish and love yourself more......

hang on there.

ps: going on a food trip to danok/hatyai on 20th. you want anything?

If this guy can't see you, it's time to have the eyes checked :)

Hang in there nic. There shall soon be light at the end of the tunnel.

Seeking your soul dear?

We have to lose it, only to know what we had.
Eventually coming home full circle.

wow, i've noticed that your past few posts have been pretty "emo" posts.

cheer up Nicole! There is no need to rush into anything at this point in time.

cheers!

Hi Nic, first, stop thinking abt him. Find some things to do to take ur mind off him, even if u dont feel like it, force urself. Dont wait for that call/sms. Instead think abt YOU urself. Make urself the top priority for now. Think of ur wellness, of ways to make urself happy agn without him in ur life. Take care of U, love Urself, get out there, keep busy, dont let urself be idle bcos the thots of him will definitely come into ur mind to make u sad once u r. And as for those nasty things that ppl say to u, i've completely no idea what u did to make them say them bcos i find nothing of offense to anyone on ur blog. Maybe they're jealous or maybe u offend them irl, i dunno. U seem like a very nice person to me. So take care there.

Oh yeah, Nic dear, about your previous post on being sad...

"Catch an unscheduled train to the end of the world, and gaze out the window from my cabin while I scribble random thoughts into my notebook."

Guess, who's steering the train :)
"We have a platform to dwell on and we don't have to worry behind the wheels"

A tragic existence would be someone without a platform to live thru her sadness.

"We never know what we have till we lose it" :)

Heh...Kenny Sia call her lah! why are you so like that one!!!

Hi...i've been reading your blog for as long as i have been reading Kenny Sia's blog.... don't mind those Asses with major issues, they are probably just jealous that they can't blog as well as you.. ;-) It may not be easy, but just tell Him *lucky fella..lol* how you feel....maybe he was waiting for you to initiate the relationship :) i know it's hard, i suffered the same way, and when i finally garnered the strength to tell *THE* girl....it was just too late....so yea, as early as possible would be swell... Ps - i love to read your blog as it's down-to-earth and a real good destresser...Keep it up.. :):)

Gal, do cheer upz! Tht'a always up and down in life :)

I like to read ur blog, just be urself and ignore those anonymous commenter!

take carez!
FeeBz

Hey! cheer up, remember, no man deserves to have you shed a tear for him..the one that deserves it, won't make you cry... time will tell...i know exactly what you mean...i'm going through the same thing...cheer up! :)

looks like someone got the love bug XD ><

well,y don't you try making yourself less insignificant? there are ways and means...to make yourself significant to the guys eyes. believe in yourself that you can do it.

hey nicole,
you okay?

anyway.. i was sitting next u to in the cinema watching Enchanted.
gosh, you're really tall!

Ah Nicole,

Eh...Sure poeple feel extra lonely in big seasons like this...Just go extra crazy on having fun, it should balance up the emptiness, like swim with the dolphins la, eat with the tigers la, Sing with something something la, it should be fun, rite?...Cheers?...

PS: What brand is your ceiling fan har?...

Love U being U...
Chubby Chin
Y(^_^)

make the first move, NO?
don really have to . jus invite him for lunch or etc... i dont think its a prob since he's yer friend, right?

I know who that guy is!

I don't have 6th sense, but my two cents told me who it is!

It's funny how I wanted to blog about the same thing recently,; just couldn't put my feelings in words.
Loving someone is such a selfless thing. Everything you do is to make that someone special happy. The person being loved is so much blessed.
Once I read that two person falling in love is easy. Thats why its call falling in love. But keeping love alive depend on both ppl. Still, even how hard one side try their best to keep the feeling alive, if both side are incompatible, the magic call "love" will wither away...
Breaking up seems evitable but can't seems to brush of the sad and loneliness feeling that come after. It's like you are suddenly lost and nothing seems to matter anymore. Your blog really touches on the loneliness part.

Thank you for such a blog entry. I hope you will take care of yourself.

nicole.. ouch that hurts. it feels that everything i've been thru in the past few yrs, except that he called himself my boyfriend, but he played by another set of rules, rules that i needed to abide by, he didn't. i loved him so so much, yet he has suddenly decided that he didn't want me anymore. i am flailing in the water. i can't see in the dark. i'm looking for the light at the end of the tunnel...

cheer up nicole! itz not the end of the world. Do make urself bz and occupied all your free time with more interesting & exciting programs, rather than just wait for his call/sms,ok? Wat is past is past, look forward to the future. Take care ya!!!

Nicole,

what happen tuu euu??? :(

cheer up k....life is never perfect...

Everything turns out in the end Nicole ^^
I waited for my boy for a long time and he finally gave me a clear cut answer last week and we are together ^^ ~ the bad thing is that he is home in msia and im in nz so the waiting continues >.<
I hope u get that one person who deserves u soon
peace be with u =D

It's end of the year and normally one will think of things that have been done and could have been done.

That random thought of yours is something that you wish it could have been done (or perhaps happened, if you are not taking the first move).

Well 2007 has yet to be gone forever, and I wish you best luck for all the things that have yet to happen.

Merry Xmas and Happy New Year!

ur not alone. i understand the pain, sometimes i just wonder if i met wif the right person. i once thought that if u put in this much effort, this much love, u will get this much in return. Too bad, my belief is a total mistake.

the right person will come at the right time.
i always believe my dad when he told me, "there's no need to rush things if it isn't your time yet."
if someone is supposed to be your's, that someone will be =)
take your time!
besides, you're good looking, means you have plenty of fishes to be screened! xD

hey pretty gal on da floor..
b mad..b real mad..
fcuk those "oh english is my surname" fcuk-face..

Hey Nic,

Take a listen to this song, I am sure it will lift your spirit up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_8g8dR8q88

Remember that you control your destiny.

Cheers

emptiness is a friend of loneliness

i feel u nicole, i feel u..

Nicole,

cheer up girl. I'm sure things will come around one day. Time has a way of pulling off the unexpected :)
besides, being in love and not being loved in return is not the harshest feeling in the world...:'(

stay strong!

Emotions. Feelings. They are amazing arent they?

We cry, we sulk, it's only natural for we are only humans. To let go, is never easy. I still bemoan for my thoughtless act, for the separation that I've to accept, for how I've not made things right in the past. But, I’ve learnt a lot of things - painful things that hurt me - things that make me grow stronger and brighter nonetheless. They're the food to our soul. I would never reflect so much upon myself and continue to advance have I not been hurt.

I am still waiting. But with a greater faith and readiness this time. Nothin beats you but yourself.

So, cheers =)

Sometimes things will go that way, but it still goes on, yeah?

Cheerios, sweetie!
=)

I know who that is...! Haha!
The god is watching u and blessing you....from the sea

its okay, at least we still luv u

wanna date? i'm cool abt it :)

kidding..haha

wahlao. damn pro wey, those picture shots. i can really 'feel' your feelings thru the pics. neways tc!

best wishes. :)

Think you should heard this story before right?

As I sat there in English class,
I stared at the girl next to me.She was
my so-called 'best friend'. I
stared at her long, silky hair. I
wished she were mine, but she didn't
notice me like that.And I knew it.

After class she walked up to me and
asked me for the notes she had missed
the day before, and I handed them to
her.She said 'thanks' and gave me a
kiss on the cheek. I wanted to
tell her. I wanted her to know that I
don't want to be just friends. I
love her, but I'm just too shy. And I
don't know why.

11th Grade...

The phone rang. It was her on the
other end. She was in tears, mumbling
on and on about how her love had
broke her heart.

She asked me to come over because she
didn't want to be alone, so I
did. As I sat next to her on the sofa,
I stared at her soft eyes,
wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, a
Drew Barrymore movie,and three bags of
chips, she decided to go to sleep. She
looked at me,said 'thanks,' and gave
me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell
her. I want her to know that I don't
want to be just friends. I love her,
but I'm just too shy.And I don't know
why.

12th Grade...

The day before prom she walked to
my locker. 'My date is sick,' she
said. He's not going to go. Well,
I didn't have a date and in 7th grade
we made a promise that if neither
of us had dates we would go together
just as 'best friends,' so we
did.

Prom night, after everything was
over,I was standing at her front door
step. I stared at her. She smiled at me
and stared at me with her crystal
eyes. I want her to be mine, but she
doesn't think of me like that,and I
know it. Then she said, 'I had
the best time,thanks!' and gave me a
kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her.
I want her to know that I don't
want to be just friends. I love her,
but I'm just too shy. And I don't know
why...

Graduation Day...

A day passed. A week passed. A
month passed. Before I could blink, it
was graduation day. I watched as
her perfect body floated like an angel
up on stage to get her diploma. I
wanted her to be mine, but she didn't
notice me like that, and I knew
it. Before everyone went home, she came
to me in her smock and hat, and
she cried as I hugged her. Then, she
lifted her head from my shoulder
and said, 'You're my best friend,
thanks!' and gave me a kiss on
the cheek. I want to tell her. I want
her to know that I don't want to be
just friends. I love her, but I'm just
too shy. And I don't know why...

A Few Years Later...

Now, I sit in the pews of the
church. She is getting married,now. I
watched her say, 'I do' and drive
off to her new life, married to
another man. I wanted her to be
mine but she didn't see me like that,
and I knew it. But before she
drove away, she came to me and
said, 'You came!' She said, 'thanks!'
and kissed me on the cheek.I want to
tell her. I want her to know that I
don't want to be just friends. I love
her, but I'm just too shy. And I
don't know why...

Funeral...

Years pass, and I looked down at
the coffin of the girl who used to be
my best friend.' At the service
they read a diary entry she had wrote
in her high school years. This is
what it read: I stare at him wishing he
were mine. But he doesn't notice
me like that, and I know it. I want to
tell him. I want him to know that
I don't want to be just friends. I
love him, but I'm just too shy, and I
don't know why. I wish he would
tell me he loved me...i wish I did
too...i thought to myself, and I
cried.

Anyway best wishes to you:)

totally how i feel right now. cheer up. =)
btw, you're quite a good photographer.

KennyStyle pls shut up.

wow... i like the photos that goes with your entry.

grey with a bit of color adds perfectly to the mood. what an impact.

very good :)

very well-written *thumbs up + clapping*

However, aside from that, I do feel so much sadness in you... so just hope that you can look in the bright side in life.

I know how it's like and i know how it feels, and sometimes we tried hard to move on but it's just hard. But keep a hope there okie... there is a candle burning over there... A light further down the road. You never know, prince charming may not be that perfect but life is never so perfect.

*BIG SMILEY FACE*

hugs
take care and cheer up

hi nicole, been reading ur blog for some time but have not dropped any comments at all. Just wanna say you are a pretty and capable girl, so dun care what others say. They can say all they want, you are still you. Relak and enjoy life!

Take care and relak ok!!
=)

Enjoy life for the brighter side of things.

This comment has been removed by the author.

hey nicole.. be strong... just dun care whatever other ppl are thinking..in this world you can never please everyone.. so i wish that you can come out of the box... hey anyway thanks so much for making my life more interesting coz im a medical student ( you know 24h books and sigh,,,) and im glad that your blog made my day brighter...

Thanks so much... and will continue to support you !!!! xoxo

Nicole, you should call him and said "Hey baby, I'll FUCK your brains out tonight". If he lives within reasonable distance, your phone / doorbell will ring tonight. Haha!!

Nicole, you should call him and said "Hey baby, I'll FUCK your brains out tonight". If he lives within reasonable distance, your phone / doorbell will ring tonight. Haha!!

Cheer up Nicole =)

Phone him, sms him, buzz him & tell him - sort out this once & for all.....then, get on with yr life, with or without him, with a smile on yr face & life.

You need to let go...

When you look back years later, you'll probably wonder why you subjected yourself to such agony.

C'est la vie.

*sitting quietly beside Nicole hoping that she'll be alright soon*huGs*

Hi,
i really enjoy reading your blog and you have inspire me to travel around the world.

Usually i will give excuses that i cannot get any cuti from my boss,work commitment etc. But now i realized that the thing that has been stopping me to enjoy my life is actually myself. I just went back from Manila and really enjoyed myself. I'm looking forward for my next trip to Beijing. Yipee!

Life is too short so make it sweet!Cheer up, ganbatte kudasai!

take care girl! things will be fine soon. I always believe that no matter how much it rains, one day the sun will come out shine again. probably, now is just not the right time. I am in this situation as well right now, right here! but let's hang on there! things will go your way soon!

Hell-O,
its me again. good post this time. look like a story to me. but cool post.

hey babe, if you feel down. pls go and listen to 'Paul Van Dyk' - We Alive...its a cool happy/relaxing songs
maybe you be ok after that

:-)
A

Hi Nicole,
Sometimes its really fun and free to stay single but sometimes something is missing somewhere 2...
i feel d same as u felt, feel like d loneliness n emptiness is everywhere...but life must go on...
just like what i tell myself everyday 'Learn to satisfy with what i have now'...but ironically i NEVER EVER satisfied with what i had...it's sad right??

Dear Nicole,

I am having the same feeling like you did. Sometimes all we needed if just a simple Hello....

But that seems too damn hard to ask for... and I got 'blocked' for being too concerned about him.

Well... life goes on and one day, faith will come to you.

Cheers.

Hello from Cheesie's Stalker.

As the Nihonjin would say, 'Ganbatte'.

kenny sia don't love nicole la...He loves his blogs and all the other more prettier gals...:)

The greatest thing in life is to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.

HI..I have no idea what happened as i was confused too for your previous posts..But for whatever happens, remember, you still have us to cry to, to complain to..

Cheer up.

and ya..same as the "anonymous" guy up there, you inspired me to travel around alone. haha, who would have think of that? a 15 years old girl running around alone in a foreign country huh? jia you!

Learn With Every Goodbye

Unknown


After a while, you learn the subtle difference

and between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning

And company doesn't mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts

And presents aren't promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats

With the grace of a woman,

not the grief of a child,

And learn to build all your roads on today

Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,

And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight

And after a while, you learn That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden

and decorate your own soul,

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure...

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth

And you learn

and learn...

With every goodbye, you learn.

nicole you have my support <3 jiayou, be strong(:

nic, u don't get this coz there is a better one waiting for you.

Have you ever been in love?
Horrible, isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable.
It opens your chest
And it opens your heart
And it means someone can get inside you
And mess you up.

You build up all these defenses.
You build up this whole armor,
For years, so nothing can hurt you,
Then one stupid person,
No different from any other stupid person,
Wanders into your stupid life...

You give them a piece of you.
They don't ask for it.
They do something dumb one day
Like kiss you, or smile at you,
And then your life isn't yours own anymore.

Love takes hostages. It gets inside you.
It eats you out and leaves you
Crying in the darkness,
So a simple phrase like
'Maybe we should just be friends'
Or 'how very perceptive'
Turns into a glass splinter
Working its way into your heart.

It hurts.
Not just in the imagination.
Not just in the mind.
It's a soul-hurt,
A body-hurt, a real
gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

I hate love

- Rose Walker, in Sandman: The Kindly Ones

i brush thru the comments and was going to say "you're not the only one who feels that way"...then i realised..haha we're all together in this.

Nicole.. Do be strong...
Just feel whatever you wanna feel, just do whatever you wanna do,
Then... just leave your past behind and be strong...

Gambate!

Hi Nicole.. I truly understand how u feel..

'The greatest thing in life, is to love and be loved in return.' Oh how true that quote is..

Ur post these few days ( i just read it since i couldnt online when i was in kch. no internet. )is really sth i've felt all my life.. It's SO sad but that's reality. Gotta try to accept it no matter how hard it is.

Someday Nicole, U'll find yr true love. If this guy u're talking bout dont know/realise how special u r, he doesnt deserve U. :)

Hey Nicole, I understand exactly how you're feeling. I guess most of us have had these kinds of thoughts at least once in our lives. Waiting for the calls and smses that never come is an agonizing torture.

But you can change the situation if you want to =) Why not sms and call him instead? Ask him out for lunch or a movie! Maybe he's just shy to ask you =p So make the first move and see what happens!

just tell...

Don wait till it's too late , don't be a coward like me ...

I know exactly how you feel.. I'm experiencing what you're experiencing right now.. To me, it does take a long time.. I'm still trying to heal and it has been ages.. Each time I think about it, I try turn to anger to make the pain go away.. But it's definitely not the best way.. Everything takes time and I am still healing as well.. Turn to the people you're the happiest with as being with them will drain the sorrows away.. Till then, take care and believe me, you will heal..

I totally get you. *Sigh*
Having this problem too.

I have a friend. May I consider us to be close. He has a gf; so we're close, but he's not mine. even if his gf is of no existence - he will never be mine. because we're friends. I'm his buddy but he will never sees me as his lover.

='(

aihhhh.... I guess this is NORMAL !!!

we are all teens... finding our loved one.. and once we are married.. everyday quarral...

haizzzz... this is life .. what to do ? just make the best out of it.

Its normal la,take a chill pill.Keep a cool head and ready to confront him when you're ready and think he is ready as well.
I feel for you gal but imho,for now career comes first;love is secondary

im in the same dilemma as u nicole... really confuse now.
I really don't want anymore guys to involve in my life.
no guys = no hurt

an ant and anne, i have the same situation as yours sigh ... how terrible ... he only sees me as his friend ... and i dare not tell him how i felt for i can't bear to lose our friendship ... well, it has been 11 years, and i still haven't gotten over him ...

nicole, hope you'll be alright soon =) *hugs*

hi , nicole , i was looking for miss nicole tan ( she works as a cabin crew at singapore airlines ) on internet. but , i have found you. you have a nice blog. i congratulate you.

i hope you visit me , too.

take care , bye

Hugs for u Nicole...

the line from moulin rouge is "the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love; and be loved in return"...couldnt help correcting it, sorry. its one of my fav movies.

and hang in there nicole!

Let it gone by gone by gone.....understand how u feel as im feeling d same way too....