Making The First Move Comeback

Men should make the first move. Like this first post. So can I buy you a drink Nicole?

*haizzzz* but if we want something we should go get it right? What if our flirtatious acts do not work??

What the heck! I will ask the guy then if he declines I will dig a hole and stick my face into it la!

Maybe the guy I'm looking for doesn't have an ego bigger than his whole body combined together, so by asking him or making the first move I can actually test waters?

o.0

*jumps up and down* *pick me pick me*

Just like chasing after guys.. you set your target then *jumps up and down and shouts pick me pick me*

kekkee

omigosh ... girls are evil !

wow.. relationship now got so complicated one aa.. like this i'll stay single lah.. hehe

Actually, if a guy really fancies a girl. He would really like to make the first move. But they'll always be too shy or scared to do that. They are afraid that the girls will turn them down and bury their hopes to the depths of abyss. So they prefer to wait for the girl to give some hints or better still, just make a bold move. That way, when the guy is certain that he's not just dreaming of a fantasy, he'll eventually be very bold too. ;)

You are so right. Adam came before Eve after all. =)

Guys should always make the first move in a relationship. This is imperative if you want less headaches in the future, when your gf, who made the first move, asks you again and again, endlessly, why didn't you make the first move. Spare yourself the trouble guys... just do it!

After all, it's not called a first mover advantage for nought.

Boys are definitely should be the person to make the first move but girls, at least give some hints either to reject him or accept him. This way both sides will benefit.Boys can save their water-face and girls can solve their problems easily. By the way,boys are not like Professor Xavier who can read minds. Girls should take action too.

Some of my friends failed to build their rocket ships and then they turned gay...haha...I was told that it is easier as they have a set of hints and codes among themselves...

As guys and girls...Its still a no man's land, beating round the bush...(^_^)"

Hugo may help?...(^_^)"

I'm a guy.
When a girl makes the first move, the guy will not think of her as being cheap. The girl herself will . And she thinks other girls will too. A lot of guys actually appreciate the effort.
But I agree with you on the giving up part. We're really not as dumb as you think.
And 1 more thing. "If a guy approaches several girls and gets rejected, we will say it’s only human nature and it is acceptable". Who the hell would think that acceptable?

Well to me, both the guy and the girl has to play their part if not they wouldn't get to know each other. I mean who cares whether a guy or a girl makes the first move? The end result is the most important.

If the both of you got each other's attention then yeah both the guy and the girl are winners! Guys or girls, everyone has ego. I believe you too, Nicole. =)

Girls just have to take the right steps in order to successfully seduce the guys. Don't go get HIM a bouquet of roses!! Maybe getting him a Hugo XY. That will be just fine. =D

Hi Nicole!

I have to say, you drive some seriously valid points there, and I understand quite a lot of it, being a male.

But I must say that if a girl asked me out, regardless of how ugly she looks, I would be obliged to accept her offer, due again to ego.

If a girl offers to foot the bill, being a male, I will try to change her mind, but eventually let her pay it... (of course, the value of which will be paid back with other gifts ;).. LV bags and such >_>)

I always had a thing for independent women... I look up to the women of the 21st century... I believe society's sexist mentality should be eradicated. Girls should be given the same rights as guys in the eyes of the community.

But I'm straying too far now :P...

As for the question? Who should make the first move? I believe that regardless of gender... the person who is more in love should make the first move. Why's that? Because love is as much a comfort as it is a poison... if you keep it in, you will only be killing yourself.

male or female it dont really matter who makes the first move. i guess it comes down to having the guts to give it a shot and then cutting your losses when it doesnt go as you'd like it to.

i think other factors are more important than the whole you-go-first-NO-YOU-GO argument. like being genuine, and not freaking the other person out by going into detail about your sad, sad childhood (it happens) or coming on too strong.

context matters too. if you're completely smashed on booze or stoned out of your mind, it might slim your chances quite..significantly :P

maybe its easier to let the chips fall where they may. just striking a conversation with someone at a pet show or something would be less complicated (and more sincere) than test-driving a lame pickup line to hook up with someone.

plus imagine the horror on the other person's face if they realised you wanted to get it on with them rather than just simple chitchat. FREAKY!

i know some guys who would be extremely flattered if a girl made the first move (they such big softies inside). so girls if you wanna go for it, i say YOU GO GIRL!

and if guys want to toughen up and be all manly about making their first move and girls want to wait, the do what floats your boat man.

possibilities are endless! call me a fence-sitter if you ilke for saying gender dont matter no more in cases like this..but i really think other factors override simple biological makeup.

I agree that men should make the first move coz I'm still the die-hard romantic and coz it sounds like he had the balls to ask.
Anyway, whats there to lose for the guy besides his face(which is temporary only)? And because we girls don't like looking cheap. Plain and simple as that.
So men, start asking. You never know, looks only count to a certain degree. Why do you think (sometimes) butt-fugly men end up with beautiful girls?

Guys should always make the first move..

If I see someone I like, I should make the move and hope to get her attention.. Quite straight forward..

If a girl eyes me, drops hint etc, lagi I should make the move. Coz she sees something in me that attracts her, meaning she will appricate me !! More reasons to make the first move..

LOLZ..

Indeed guys should make the 1st move. They are supposed to be the braver one anyways rite? Totally agree with u on that part 'girls proposing to guys'. LOL. i cant imagine a girl kneeling and saying those oh, so famous words ' will u marry me?'

Guys should be more like male frogs. Who 'court' female frogs by singing in that deep froggy voice. Doesnt matter if that frog fails the first time, they continue croaking and eventually would get themselves a 'wife'. they have no EGO like guys. :P

If a guy asks me out i would think about it due to safety reasons (sigh. so many rape & murder cases. ) So, guys, if girls say no, doesnt really mean that the girl don like u k? :)

if girls ask me out , i will more then happy ^^ but so far only ask me go fix their computer -.-

share the bill or let her pay? sure thing why not o.o?? nothing wrong what -.- my mom also give my dad $ to go buy things de.

i dun mind wife go out work for the family o.o maybe coz my mom also like that...

if a girl kneels down and proposes to me o.o this one abit too much all the above done liao , i will Auto proposes to her ^^ (Singapore)

oops! forgot my email add. fourleafclover06@yahoo.com

Looks like I’m the only dumb guy here. Hahaz.. I wasn’t called ‘the Rejected’ for nothing ya know.. I was turned down a few times and sumtimes Im scared of falling in love for some1 deeply again.. to those who thinks that I haven’t tried hard enough, lemme tell u dis, im 22 n I NEVER had a gf before not forgetting to say rejected ?? times.. how pathetic is that..

Well dat was when I was in high school, when nerdy ppl like me aren’t dat popular among gals.. its jz dat d gals I like, nvr seem to like me while d gals who like me, sorry to say, u dun wan a guy hu treats u nicely bt nvr loved u rite?? for the girls hu rejected me, I can say d way dey did it was brutal… LOL… dats y I can nvr reject a gal straightforwardly.. I will leave subtle hints telling them im sorry bt not interested.. bt I nvr seem to get dat kinda treatment.. so is dis my fault or theirs??

Well I think guys should always be the person ‘chasing’(cz its jz wad a gentleman shud do) with the girls subtly hinting(in d sense of approving his actions OR rejecting) n try nt 2 b 2 blatant wif “Get lost” or sucking all ur money up DEN say “GET THE HELL LOST!!” our confidence nid 2 jaga 1 oso ahh.. nt like everyday we gto Hugo 2 help us out liddat.. hahaz…

Gals shudnt wait around waiting for men either.. find d guy u like h HINT!! Cz u nvr noe when u can meet d right man AGAIN if u lost a guy liddat once.. No nid to say “I LUB U!!” 1 lahh so direct cz we r nt stupid oso.. hehe.. bt we dun mind oso if gt gal liddat.. only cheap ppl will think gals hu make d first moves are cheap and those kind of thinking is nt called thinking.. Bt guys, b a gentleman, WIF BALLS, n make d 1st move after getting d hint.. dun make d gal point an AK at u asking u 2 marry dem baru u say “Wokeh boss!!”

p/s: Nicole, I nid Hugo XY 2 boost my balls oso… hw?? so my email is phoenix_sidewinders@hotmail.com kekeke…

Aiya... nicole.. can see u have a crush on Kenny lar.. why don't just tell him in front of his face! Who knows.. he might 'melt' in front of you. Good luck!

the best way is to do it through another person who is a mutual friend of both. Hurtful messages will not be passed on DIRECTLY =P
Losing face becomes less worrying, as we can all just pretend it didn't even happen if sparks only flew one way! =D

I need to drench myself with hugo fragrance first before able to write touchy comment on such topic. How??? -.-' haha

This comment has been removed by the author.

wah everyone writing all this long n canggih comments..lets see..hey i dont mind splitting the bill into two, bcoz i believe in being equal haha..so i wouldnt mind the girl hinting but of course if you are interested you go with the flow and officiate the move..that being said those situations happens in the movies 1 lar..most of the time the guy has to do all the flirting and finally utter can i court you..then it works haha..so moral of the story..unless you want to wait till you are old and bald, fat and smelly you better make the 1st move unless you are brad pitt..

so does being smelly got to do with winning the perfume?

a man is to lead, but a woman is to LET him lead her

keshialicious@gmail.com

Nicole... u look like the actress for the 200 pounds beauty.....ur face.....but she is more slim....

Who should make the first move? We should leave this question to the individual. Whoever feels that he or she for whatever reason, maybe it's a requirement of the situation or whatever, should make the first move, then let he or she do so! No one should listen to what they are TOLD do do - that he or she should or shouldn't make the first move. It's a free country and we should all have the freedom to make the first move, last move, any move or no moves based on the situation! One (wo)man's 'lost of face' may be another (wo)man's banner of courageous love & a thing to admire, a romantic gesture to remember forever! Be with who you want to be, do what you need to do, don't be a chicken or else you will never know, never learn the meaning of being truly in love. To love is to take risks. Dare to love or settle with someone you love less forever & then spend the rest of your life asking yourself, 'what if? what if?'

I think it's better for guys to make the first move. First move as in, asking for a relationship from the girl. After all, guys tend to feel the worthiness if they successfully got the girls. They'll value the girls more while if girls were the ones who made the 1st move, they think they got the girls the easy way, without much hard work from them.

However, I do also think it's ok for girls to initiate first conversation with the guys 1st, but nothing more than that. That isn't considered 1st move, in my opinion. If the guys are interested in you after the 1st conversation, they'd find a way to know you more. Guys tend to be more shy during the initial friendship stage. :)

Hmm.. You ask an intriguing question Nicole.

Tell me I am balancing my balls on the fence but i argue for both.

i. Should a guy make the first move?

Yes. Cause, although its risky and what have you, it's traditionally romantic.

And as daunting as it is, you gotta justify having balls man.

ii. Should a girl make the first move?

Yes. Cause sometimes women should just cut the guys some slack and do themselves a favour if they fancy the guy.

Hey, its the 21st century right? Womens rights and all that. WootZ!

And for arugment sake, the only time i would think a woman cheap is if she goes clubbing say, and asks 25 guys for their number and a date. And vice versa, though the guy would be referred to instead as, a playa.

But at the end of the day, does it really make a difference who makes the first move?

Wouldn't it be worth finding out rather than ask yourself "if only i made a move?"

It's like this saying i like alot.

"Don't just dip your toes in the water. Take a deep breathe and dive right in."

i definitely don mind splitting bills with females frens or gf....and how i hope i am a house husband. But any girl want their husband to be house husband? I never met any yet. Girl will say i don't have 骨气 if i tell them my ambition is to become house husband.....haiz...too bad...

But i have to agree with what u said in this blog.....guy really ego....

GUYS should always make the first move! Definitely! No Compromise!

That's cause it is naturally wrong for girls to do so and it's pretty demanding.

A lot of my guy friends are scared when girls make the first move and thus sometimes making their balls shrink coz like, WHAT THE HECK I AM NOT A GIRL!!

It's almost the same concept as a girl giving flowers to a guy.

I think it will be pretty much embarrassing for the guys coz they are too egoistic sometimes. =)

audtiong@hotmail.com

As for who should make the first move, it depends on the individual, really.

Women should save Men the extra trouble by explicitly rebuffing unwanted approaches, to firmly state a strong, simple NO instead of saying YES to avoid further disturbances. I know it is difficult to do. Just as rapport building has a good reputation, explicitness applied by women in this culture has a terrible reputation. A woman who is clear and precise is viewed as cold, or a bitch, or both.

There are some people who are known to view females as the cheaper, more desperate, immoral kind when we make the first move. However, if some of the XX species have SPINES and could care less about what the hoi polloi has to say, she will make her move on her man, regardless of what they have to say. This, I find respectable, brave, and honorable.

There are also lots of single women in the world who have yet to spontaneously combust due to the lack of the presence of a penis. On a side note, it annoys me to see women and girls pretend they couldn't find the business end of a power drill or a spatula as if it was lodged in their brain stems just to stroke male egos. Girls, you are not useless. Deal with it.

If you see a man you have your eyes on, GO FOR HIM. Do not sit around whining and drowning in your own little shallow pool of delusional hope that someday a prince will come proposing on your door with his white horse.

As for certain stereotypes of guys who are are always complaining and whining about how they cannot get a girlfriend or a partner, STOP fucking whining and maybe DO SOMETHING for a change? Like.. actually MAKING THE MOVE? Dumbass. You know what your problem is and how to solve it. If you don't do anything about it, your loss. You've got no sympathy from any of us females.

Often do we hear Couldn't, wouldn't, mustn't, shouldn't from the mouths of either females and males when asked to make the first move. WRONG! - Those words are the laments of the spineless. The right way should be I can and I will, but not because I must or I should!

For example:

Sad, depressed, timid, clingy, desperate little Peter may have an obvious crush on a female; and yes he agrees with everything she has to say. But sexy, confident Johnny has the GUTS to ask her out; and that really makes all the difference. People are wrong: The size of a man's penis is unimportant. What matters is how big his balls are.

So for guys who are always only *THINKING* of making the first move but NEVER seem to get there, maybe its time to actually PUT your balls in your pants and USE THEM for once.

for guys, if you wanna make the first move, make it sincerely, not just to show how macho you are. for girls, if you wanna make first move, do it indirectly. drop hints, guys arent that stupid to be like a robot, taking orders only. basically it doesnt matter who makes the first move, as long as it is sincere and full of meanings.

PS: Not updating about your new SGH-L760? =P

It doesn’t really matter who makes the first move. Traditionally, the males are the ones expected to get the ball rolling. However, today it takes a lot of confidence and spunk for a lass to go up to a guys she’s attracted to and introduce herself to him and his friends.

Or perhaps, it is not just how culture shapes us. It could be due to our primitive nature, which Man should be the one hunting. Typically speaking, it is atypical and rather daunting for a lady to walk up to a guy and start the conversation with her best pick-up line. I guess because it is against our nature to do so. Feminists may argue that ladies should not conform to society’s constrains, however to the regular ladies out there, what would take you to chat up a random hot bloke?

Personally, I have always left the courting part to the males. However, I don’t try to play hard-to-get. I find it silly to do so. If you’ve enjoyed the date and really like him, it’s absolutely fine to give a goodnight kiss. They (whoever they are) always say ‘Give and inch and they’ll ask for a foot’, that’s how things work, so there isn’t any point refuting. But oh, no sex on the first date please. It’s just one of the dating taboos.

If I happen to take fancy to a guy, I would befriend him and ask him out from time to time. It doesn’t have to be anything romantic for the first date. Go for a run or walk, hit the gym, have dinner at some regular place. Do something ordinary yet enjoyable so you won’t feel too stressful or self-conscious, not to mention awkward.

And really, if you really like the other party, really, grab him while he’s available. Or would you rather see him walk away with another lady?

I don’t believe that making the first move is ‘cheap’ or ‘desperate’. I do believe that if that chick is flirting outrageously like a skank, being touchy-feely with anything with a penis, then she may be classified under that category.

It is our prerogative to chase after what we want, and no one else is the victor except for yourself when you get the man or the lady at the end of the day.

totally agree with nicole's method of dropping the slightest hints and play cool through out after it! because it simply works this way to make a guy confess! TESTED. PROVEN. but of course if you don't really like him then don't accept after he confess lar! *evil laughter*

there is this quite OK guy, who has all the reasons for me to dislike him when i first know him, even told myself if he hits on me it will surely be a big NO NO. turned out to be, after a year of never-close, never-liking acquaintance in uni, he suddenly popped into my way, used his charms, and we are dating until now =) [i've once rated him as the worst guy i've ever met, and now who dare tries to grab him away from me goes to Hades! =p]

like a guy? make him drool for you girls...!

like a girl? take the first move la duh, what are you still waiting for? show your balls man!

BOYS MUST ACT FIRST... because it is a ROLE given by GOD to control world if U see from money role (Money control world, it ALWAYS have GUY picture and NEVER HAVE GIRL picture in money. not believe?? take your wallet and see ur Rm1, RM 2, RM 5, RM 10 and RM 50)

OMG..what's this? 1969? I seriously think it's ok for a girl to make the first move. It may hurt the guys ego, but not all guys will think it that way. Some guys love it, it makes them feel as if they are so popular or in the-most-wanted-list.

Now let's look at a scenario. Let's say I like this particular guy. If i never make the first move, I'll never know whether he likes me too. Give it a shot, i have nothing to lose (although you might label me as cheap after that, but think again, what have i done wrong?). We don't know what might happen. If it turns out good, we'll be so in love with each other or we could even be the best of friends. It could be a start of a beautiful friendship. If it doesn't, then just move on. At least i've tried :)

It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

i think it don't matter who made the first move as long as its what you want. although guys naturally have a big ego, but in this 21st century, its more about what you did is what you get. its not about who wins, its about the feeling. i seriously don't think a girl should be called cheap if she made her first move. its what she want. at least she tried. and no one has the right to comment on anyone. everyone have their good qualities in them, just the way you look at it.

it actually depends on the situation honestly.

as girls, we like having people fawn over us as if we're the prettiest in the universe (even if we're not). But on the other hand guys like their egos stroked too.

So I say if you think you're pretty invincible during that moment, GO FOR IT!! hey, moments like these DO happen, maybe once in a blue moon, but still.

If I saw a guy as hawwwt as Daniel Wu and I happened to be feeling good about myself then and there, I'd give it my all and charm him to date me. Erm, machine gun optional. teehee.

I think it's a fair chance for both parties to make the first moves. Cos as a lady, I would love to be approached. But think about it, it's modern world now. Instead of being approached by 10 guys who doesn't interest me, I wouldn't mind approaching that ONE guy who tickles my fancy!?

why do us guys have to start the fire? i think its perfectly fine for a girl to ask a guy out as long as its in an appropriate way. coz some guys may not have the same size "cajones" as the other males.

ok lets say we're at a bar of some sort. a girl notices a guy lookin at her and when she turns to look at him, he looks away and it happens a few times. obviously the guy is shy and probably thinkin too much. maybe he thinks that the girl is unapproachable (some girls just give that vibe). maybe the girls too pretty and he thinks that hes way out of her league. trust me ive met a few guys like these before. but if the girl thinks hes cute and all, and curious and wants to know more, why not walk over to him and start a conversation.

i mean ok, in 10-20 years in the future when the girl's married (to a different guy)and the marriage doesnt have the same energy as it used to have. she starts to blame her husband. then she starts to think about all those pathetic shy guys who didnt have the balls to approach her and think what might have happened if she actually talked and hooked up with one of them. and the guy at the bar is one of those guys. if she didnt talk to the guy, she wudnt know what she might have missed out on.

so girls, do urself a favour, if u think a guys cute and hes hesitating, go and present urself. talk like humans. u'll do urself a big favour. who knows, he might be the one uve been lookin for? who knows.


a_khaerul@hotmail.com

"He plowed her and she cropped" - Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra

Just as egregious as it sounds, needless to say guys should make the first move (without a shadow of doubt)

As a male myself, being EGOISTIC is of course from the days of the old, when knights were bold.

But women often mis-define the word "ego". Sometimes, we are already striving for the best we can offer (opting for the bills, being the breadwinner, etc.) but all these is so that your girlfriend have something to be proud of...

It is never easy and was never easy.

In a nutshell, as males - we are like puppies being thrown into a pack of wolves, going after the same meat, so being rational and having a conscience plays a pivotal role in sealing a relationship...good luck :)

Joshua,
Josh.cvs@gmail.com

hoooooooooooooollllyyyy moooooooolllyyy!!! ive nothing, absulotely nothing to say accept nod my head in acceptance to whateva was written in this blog! firstly,being a male myself,sad to admit but guys hav one thing called ego,and d ego-ness in guys is more than any creature on earth! next,FOOTING THE BILL,is exactly wad a "MAN" wanna do so tht d girl will think "awww he's so sweet" or "aww he's so well-off" n also make d girls from d nxt table telling d bf "eh,look,ppl so lo-man-tik la,pay d bill himself ler!". next again,gotta agree tht guys like to show off infront of their male frens tht dey r so wanted n famous or wadeva. i mean,thts wad i do too! nxt on,girls who makes d 1st move on guys is definitely a "no!no!" big turn-off! personally,i find girls who make d 1st move as annoying,ma-fan, and "men-jijikkan"! haha! gotta admit too tht i prefer to chase a girl,make a move on her,cuz somehow i like d feeling of courting a girl,d satisfaction of being successful is swet, priceless! and of cuz,i would treasure d girl hell-a-lot more than d girl who delivers herself to me! Last but not least,i HATE it when girls r giving flirtatous signs, i jst friggin dont know whether they are tryin to say "hey hun, ure looking cute tonite" or "get a life! stop starring at me! theres other girls for u to look at" or mayb they're thinking "heck,he looks cute,hopefully i will see him here nxt weekend when i come alone without my bf!"




and, nicole, im TOO EGOSTIC to admit that im desperado for the HUGO XY! AHAHHAHA! =P



bigbangboy@hotmail.com

I totally agree with you Nicole.
Guys claim they like it when girls ask em out, which they do. It's a novelty to them. It's flattering.

And after about 2 weeks, they tire of the girls' "aggressive behavior."

Why?

Because men love the chase. I've done the chasing. I've let myself be chased. And while being the chasee does work in the intro, it has never worked long term.

Every guy loves a challenge, it's a primal, caveman thing. Men hunted. Women prepared what the men hunted. Things haven't changed much. Men need to go after us, and we need to sit back and look pretty! ;)

Great entry by the way...better than Kenny Sia's!

Must say what you say is pretty true! Men should make the first move. It'd be scary if the girl proposed. She'd prolly be wearing the pants in the family and let's face it, girls want guys who will take the leadership and make the decisions right? I know I wouldn't want a wife like that carbine-lady. :D

But face it! Women like guys with huge egos right? :)Otherwise he'd just be your girl-friend who u'd bitch to. (the word bitching is actually non-vulgar... :S )

To put the cherry on top of the cake, I'll kiss ass and say you're the most visited hot-chick blogger I read daily. :) My email's caranthir27@gmail.com You can email me for my details so u can send me that prize. Thanks.

Its true, i totally agree!! Guys are not stupid. They might seem clueless about these stuff but they know when there are girls who want them. And if they want the girl too, they would have taken the step forward by asking her out for a drink or date. NO guy would let go of a lady whom he has an interest in (except if the lady is married/taken/lesbian or his best friend's lady). However, unless the guy have no interest what-so-ever with the girl, he would not even dare to give the girl hope in fear of hurting the girl or the friendship (except if the guy is a total ass).

So what I'm trying to say girls should just give obvious signals to the guy, to boost their stupid ego, and should let the guy take the next step... =)this way it may seem that the guy took the step but he's actually manipulated into doing so. So when the relationship goes wrong, it would be the girls who would end the relationship first, (well i would) =D, since she wanted him first.. then she can don't want him first too...


my email

haiya.. ego is wat makes a man..
it's how a dude saves the damsel in distress , thats how it works..
The Circle of Life , it's like the drive and andrenalin , comes from an ego whether one likes it or not.

Dont think if a girl goes after a guy is bad.. i think it's a very ..um, how do i saw very honourable. very very true..

not a big deal who make the first move.... just be responsible for every single relationship...

Girls are just lazy.

It doesn't matter who makes the first move as long as the chemistry is right.
"Each needs the other: capital cannot do without labour,nor labour without capital.

first time leaving comment...
wat should i say...
irregardless of guy or gal, if u think u really can't get the opposite party off ur mind, go ahead and make the 1st move, rather than sitting there n hoping for miracle. once and for all... positive outcome?congrats! happily ever after (maybe) ; negative? sorry for u, heh, it means time to move on!
as for guys with their philosophy of 'it's all abt the chase'thingie, fair enough, just go ahead and continue the fun.
same for gals too who are expert in the hinting skills, keep the joy going.
everyone has their own way of leading their lives...

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at the end of it to me both ways seem fine. it's okay that every now and then we girls work up the courage to do it. as for the guys, even with me saying so that dont mean you get to sit and wait for deepavali, xmas and CNY for the girl to make the move.

It's both ways! Both sides drop the right signals and make it happen but usually when the girl makes the move it usually means that the men still don't get the message after all the giving the attention and being all sweet and all those subtle lines don't seem to get through.

so this proves that women being the fairer sex, we just figure out a way around a man's ego. they think they've got game fact is they're in our little game. hehe. Thus, we rarely make the first move.

It all falls down to our gender roles. No matter how advanced we become as a society, there are still expectations that border our actions.
As the male, we are not allowed to express weakness.
As the male, we are not allowed to have emotion other than aggression.
As the male, we cannot cry.
As the male, we are expected to initiate contact because that is the norm of our society.

But all is not lost, the situation does improve. Today's society allows for the opposite to occur. Women are asking men out all the time. It is no longer taboo. But it is still rare.

The only way we can perpetuate and accelerate this change in human behavior would be to risk staying single and wait for an interested female to initiate the relationship.

But I'd rather not, eh?

Don't be naive. The reason butt-fugly men end up with beautiful girls is because the guy is loaded, influential and successful. Granted there are always exception but it is rare.

Otherwise, how could you explain it ? Naturally, Human are attracted to beautiful entity. Why do you think the advertisement/entertainment industry as a whole spend so much time and money to create attractive product ?

Oh boy. I tell you this kind of topic will cause a LOT of disagreement...

I didn't read the rest of the comments so I don't know if what I'm about to say has been said already.

For me, if a woman says hi first to me I would be quite flattered. I don't think she's being desperate. In fact, I'll respect her because it takes guts to approach a stranger and say hi. A woman is guts is cool.

Some men still think that it's inappropriate for women to initiate a relationship but to be honest these men are still stuck in the 1960s and if you are a dynamic, modern, independent woman, these type of men are a waste of your time. Just let them go and leave them alone with their obsolete ideas.

It's grossly unfair to assume whether someone is desperate or not based on just one thing right?

This is just my opinion and I'm sorry if it rubs people the wrong way.

I might actually write something about this myself...

In all 3 of my relationships, we've always started out as friends and then hints from both sides and a mutual agreement to get together. Never had the guy ask first or girl ask first. (I was lucky)

Everyones different, I've always gone dutch, I don't think it's fair for the guy to foot the bill (the malaysian guys found this strange but were quite happy about it once they got used to it). Unless you're in a long term relationship and you're both happy with one party paying all the time.

Crushes don't count, cos when I have a crush, I do not intend to get together with them, it's like having a crush on James McAvoy (curent crush, hubby doesn't mind) but nothing will ever come out of it.

If you like someone, get to know them first, then ask them out, regardless of whether you're the guy or the girl. If you don't, someone else will and you'll have lost your chance. But please be sincere and honest.

Almost dated one guy in high school. Nerd, skinny, glasses, but hell of a nice guy. I liked him well enough til he started telling everyone we were going out and that I wanted to keep it a secret. Broke all contact when it got back to me via my friends. Me keep this kind of thing a secret from my friend, honestly! Dishonesty totally put me off.

Re: the gossip. Guys are equally bad gossipers as girls. Most of my friends are guys and I always get my updates from them. You will get talked about, heck, you might already be talked about. Not a big deal.

Essay liaw... time to stop.

women will have to end up bearing with labor pains, breast feeding, take the lion share of nurturing the kids...etc etc....... the least a guy can do to get a chance to pass on his genes thru an able and attractive gal is to make the first bold move.... hey...its worth all the risks... :P

flowers? ok.....email me your add.

There are limits to a male ego....how many men have you seen in tears, personally, i've seen many. Maybe not in public but definetely those you are close to. I believe that if a man really likes the girl, he will take whatever face losing risks to make sure she knows....if he doesnt have the balls to do that, it means he doesnt want her enuff. Simple as that.

imo, i think that the guy shld make the first move.

i totally agree with what you said! a girl can be the one who initiate "the chase" but the guy must be led to believe that he's the one doing that.

i have seen real-life instances where the guy treat the girl like shit maybe just because the girl "threw herself" at him in the first place. so he doesn't really appreciate her that much. sad isn't it?

though admitedly, if a girl has rejected a guy, she really shouldn't make fun of him by telling all her girl-friends.

besides, if the guy can catch the hints a girl who's interested will drop, then everything will be cool, no? no need to save face.

so yeah, guys, it's all abt the chase isn't it? then be the 'stronger sex' then and flung that ego out of the window! hehe..

It's never a question nor a doubt that Guys should always be the first one to make the move. Throughout my experience and friendships with the male species, I utterly believe that guys simply adore challenge. They thrive on it. If a girl just presents herself to him, no doubt he will oblige, but he would not have experienced the thrill and anxiety of the possibility of getting rejected, or better, of getting accepted! After all, when they eventually get the girl, they will know that they did put effort in the relationship and will not easily give up. They will most likely cherish their partners and their relationship more, knowing that they had to 'chase' for it. :) ngmeiyee[@]gmail.com

There's no reason why we should change something that has been passed down by our ancestors (grandma, aunties, mom) about holding our head up high when comes to who make the first move. This right belongs to us, women all over the world! Nobody can deny or take that away from us! If those men wants to play midfielder let them. Why should we pay the bill when someone offers to do it? They can claim all the ego in the world but end of the day, we are the one who decides who pass the exam!

Whether it should be the guy or girl who makes the first move, I think it depends on the individual. Are you the traditional type who think guys should make the first move or the modern type who think it is absolutely alright for the girl to make the first move on guy.

Yeahlo, guy is capable of saying the girl is cheap by making the first move. Sometime some guys appreciate this but most time, I don't think so due to their ego. Unless the girl is some hot and pretty chick, guys have no problem falling head over heels for her and go and flirt with her, ask for her number.

But if a girl who is a plain jane and come and try to talk to him, make some conversation, ask for number, you can particularly see the disgust and unease expression on the face of the guy who worried that his friends will see it and thus he will lose face. In which, the guy will most probably go back to his group of friends later and then laugh about it in a cruel way saying that the girl is way out of her mind for even thinking that she can ask him out, like who is she anyway?

And do a bit of flirting and wham! suddenly the girl get labelling like whore, cheapskate and crazy. By who? Her own gender (possible) or the guy and his group of friends. Because guys is VERY capable of GOSSIPING too.

A debatable issue, which I believe we will never get an accurate answer. Reason given is because every individual of each gender is different. Some guys don't mind girl making the first move, some guys mind. And for girls, to make the first move takes more courage than the guys because she risk being humiliated by the guy and his friends, by her own friends who might think she is so cheap by making the first move. Guys can easily brush all this off by just waving their hands in the air and say "Oh well, was just trying my luck" because for centuries it has always been okay for guys to make the first move but not the girl. No matter how many hundreds of movies has shown that. Girls can get the ultimate embarrassing humiliation by being rejected by the guy.

I think Nicole's idea is good! Make the first move but still make it looks like the guy did it first. Like a tradmod thingy (a mixture of traditional and modern value).

Boy meets girl,
Boy likes girl,
Girl meets boy
Girl likes boy
Boy ask girl out
Both put on seductive “hugo”
Guys smells girl n increase libido,
He grabs her and they dance the tango,
Need I say more?

Hi,Sweety NIC :)

For guys: They should make the first move,This will make the girl feel like a "LADY" and sweet in their heart.
and ofcos if they reject U doesnt mean they dont like U.

As for Girls:
U should not as the Guys will always feel piss off (most of them)I dont know why...

LVU
gsmkicker@yahoo.co.uk

Guys should definitely make the first move. Even if they do want girls to ask them out they wont end up with the girl that actively pursued them.hee that's why im with my lovely boyfriend=)

Once upon a time, a man would ask a pretty maiden's father whether he could "write" her, which meant that he was asking permission to send letters to her.

The guy makes the first move, uh huh. But what happened before his bold move? It is probable that before that, they saw each other before. The guy maybe winked at her and the girl probably did her girly act with the fluttering eyelashes and cute giggles. In this case 'twas both parties that made their "first" moves, by expressing interest in each other. Neither preceded the other.

I just wanted to bring to attention the role of the FATHER. The guy should have to approach the father:

Firstly, as a test of courage. Is the woman really worth enough for the guy to risk what most men don't dare to do nowadays, approaching the father? If she really is worth it, the courage to approach dad shouldn't be too big a problem.

Secondly, as a buffer between the guy and the girl, so that the girl doesn't have to answer. There's more to say about this but it's not relevant for now.

So, based on old-school type courting rituals, it seems the man should make the first move. But nowadays in this post-modern world, has that changed? (Sounds like I'm writing up an essay..)

In my opinion, I think the old-school way is the way to go in this case, even if without the father's role (but I personally think that's important still..) The man should make the first move. Girls should not have to openly flirt so obviously and ask a guy whether he'd be her boyfriend, it sounds wrong.

Nicole you've got good points. I don't like girls that seem desperate, I'd want every girl to be confident in herself and her own image, instead of seemingly having to make the first move as a desperate act. And yes, sometimes it's scary.

And yes, as a guy, I know when I'm fancied and when I'm not interested, I'm sorry but I'm not gonna respond. And that (I think) would cause a lot of emotional distress to girls. They've taken effort to try and woo a guy but failed. It should not be that way for girls, they shouldn't have to go thru such things.

Yes, let us take the first move. I apologise for all the men if some of you girls have been waiting for years for a guy to notice you but he hasn't. Just try to be friends is what I advise. What you're saying Nicole might help, but I don't know that's considered as a first move. More like, ACTING in a way to attract attention, but not making the first move. If he looks at you, smile sweetly at him. Do not go overboard. Let the man choose whether or not to make his move.

Whoops, sorry bout the long comment. Once I'm started, I tend to ramble..

Should men make the first move?

Since caveman age, men have been the hunter and the one that brings home the dough. Men strive on challenges – it’s what makes them men. So, we women should give them the pleasure of enabling them to take up the challenge; the challenge of courting women that is. Therefore, I dare say that men enjoy making the first move whilst women enjoy having the first move made on them.

That being said, women can still make the first move on men. However, to keep to the universal rule, as Nicole mentioned, we women should make men THINK they are making the first move though we are making the initiative. How is this done?

For example, if you ladies would like a guy to ask you out to the movies, discreetly drop hints about that awesome movie preview that you saw. However, wait for him to ask you out to the movies.

Secondly, find out what interests him and engage him in a conversation on that topic. He wouldn’t even notice that you are using your charms but will instead find you interesting and engaging.

Thirdly, with the evolving technology, use facebook to message him instead of calling him up for a chat. It is much more subtle especially when facebook ethics have not been drawn. For example, you can “poke” him without being overly flirtatious as everyone does it anyway.

Is this tactic conniving and should not be applied if you truly love your man? No. We do it because we love our man. We want our man to feel like a winner who has conquered the challenge. In return, we women will be romanced as how we want to be and should be. It is definitely a win-win situation for both parties.


p/s: I don’t follow such rules of course – I am not as sneaky =D

email: j_k_j_w@yahoo.com

This is seriously seriously wrong. Guys may have ego but they have dignity too. We would not like to be a strumpet too, right? Girls (im sorry) also have ego. Its just that guys have to bow down lovely to them because we love them!

Traditionally, Guys should make the first move. But that doesnt mean that the Girl shouldnt. This is the 21st centuey where Girls wear pans, suits and (ties)?? Ti hi. So why shouldnt they make the first move.

If guys( not so leng chai one)make the first move, girls would discuss and laugh together and that is seriously mean. Is it wrong if guys do the same thing? It is not ethical but why treat us like we have commited the ultimate sin if Some girls are doing the same thing?

You may fling your hair, stare at him for a moment or two, then blink. But some of us couldnt understand it. You fling your hair, we think you have dandruff problem. YOu blink, maybe your contacts have dried up. The best thing to do is to come up and say hi or ask for the time. Then confirm lo like that.

However, being a guy. I am obliged to say that I should make the first move. It is not about ego. It is what movies and tv has taught us. How many soap opera boys let the girl foot the bill right. Since we have grown up in this culture, then of course we would have to condone to it. So if you wanna sue somebody, attack the television station!! Haha..

We, as guys, love girls. They are the ones that can make you smile for no reason for days, but they can also make you constipate for days too. Sighz..life is complicated.

jojosoonkc86@gmail.com

well..I would like to buy you the flower but first I have to get the permit from my girlfriend first..muahaha..

After read the entry,in some level I am quite agree with you.Yeap,normal guys would have some tiny ego deep inside themselves.I agree some time I would like to lead the relationship but thats not the always case.I will feel freshy..or may be comfort when my gf takes her turn..I am just enjoy it for sometimes.So,what I would like to say is there isn't any 100% case where who is the corect one or who is the wrong thinker..I think the best way is just suit yourselves and don't mind of others perception will do..

Nicole, you must dare to be different la, act first then the I will surely know it's you. I would not see u cheap la, coz i know u will come WITH the expensive parfume, FREE only for me. hehe...

nicole.. can see u have a crush on Kenny lar.. why don't just tell him in front of his face! Who knows.. he might 'melt' in front of you and leave Sam for you. Good luck!

IMPORTANT read this 2d end. YES the guy should make the first move. To some guys who are still groping in the dark: Few things ok, forget buying the roses. Don’t act like a pervert, and don’t try to fool women. They know when u’re trying to pick them up, don’t beat around the bush. And when I say pervert, look into their eyes when u talk.. Nowhere else.
My POV, when it comes to an ‘8’ like maybe the blogger, in example. U gotta appear confident, and get to the point. If u wanna ask for her number, do it, if asking her why her hair is still not blonde, do it. Capish?
U have to make the women think they are the smartest creatures on earth. That they are in control. Hey if the girl wants to pay for dinner, ‘say thank u, ill get it next time’. Ego is a No go!
Its cruel but it’s a game of deception and guile. I can’t entirely agree with the blog writer, but I have to make it seem like I do. Get it?
A Girl is not “cheap “when she approaches a guy, likewise a guy is not doomed when he’s rejected. Even Tiger can’t hit a hole in one every time. It’s just timing and clues u get across the room, like our pointed out to the ladies “Stare into his eyes longer than a glance, shorter than an observation. Flirt with him one second but be cold the other. Ask him out, but wait for him to call. Do whatever you can, just keep it cool!”
Finally, Just don’t go for an ‘8’ or ‘9’ when u can even get pass a ‘5’, if u catch my drift. It’s a matter to rehearsal and confidence. When, you’ve racked up some minors, u can go for the majors. In the mean time, ladies, please take it easy on us.
This post is written solely for competitive purposes, it is not intended to be biased or offensive. :P

RON

I love you...Yes I do...The question is why not who..Why will a person initiate contact? Its because of interest and lust maybe.

If you like something you see will you not go take a look? If you see a cute puppy will you not smile and want to *Pet it?

Its curiosity, like a man thinks..what will she look without those blouse. And women how would he feels like in a cold night.

A simple answer to this never ending question is all to obvious an EGO on both the male and female.

The first to admit loses and being vulnerable is never an option.

Memories and dramas are part of life..When a man chases a girl, he knows what he wants, and its the duty of a women to play along..Think of the time when you work hard to earn something, your first paycheck, your exam. Will you not enjoy the hardship you go through? Or the question is...why did you go through hell..

The answer lies in the heart of two
lovers, maybe nobody deserve an answer. The questioner reasons the question, a never ending question...

crack_willow@hotmail.com

Both u and Kenny are so right. It is a hard call. I guess in the the end it is gut feeling to make the call and make the first move. At least you tried and not left wondering and regretting that you should have make the first move after the horse has bolted.
I would like to make the first move to ask you out for Devonshire Tea but sadly I am taken. Hugo for man will be nice for me and off course Hugo for woman for my partner will top off my day. Wink, wink!

Girls should never make the first move. For guys (and actually most of us), the easy things do not seem to be valuable. Totally agree with Nic that we, girls, normally sense things very well, and if we are interested in a guy, we will give chance to him to "do more" and proceed to the next level. Else, strong indication will be given to stop everything from continuing.

It's a "never-changing" principle that, girl should get someone who loves her, instead of getting someone who she loves. Personally, I hold such belief :)

In fact, most of the time, a smart girl is able to hold things in her hand. Externally, it seems that the guy is courting a girl and controls everything. In fact, girl is the one (secretly) makes all these happen. At the same time, guys preserve their ego and think he's the world!!

BUT, how many girls can do this well?

jollrogs534@yahoo.com

If a girl makes a move first, I don't it'll make her look cheap. It only shows that the girl has a whole lot of confidence. The only way to judge whether the girl is not being cheap is her physical appearance. If she approached you with her cleavage, thighs and arms concealed then it's obvious she's not trying to be cheap. Her body language plays a part of it too, especially the way she walks and her facial expression. If it's nothing seductive then she's most definitely not trying to be cheap. If you looked through some statistics most girls are not interested in sex in a relationship as most guys assumed.

Now, as for a guy making the first move first. I don't see it as a problem either, just make sure they looked decent when approaching a girl. Their appearance, body language and personality makes a huge difference when approaching a girl. Here's a tip of my own, clean shaved, wear a shirt that is ironed, wear any long pants and apply cologne (A research has shown that wearing a cologne or perfume can aroused interest in the opposite sex). When you ask them out, try not to sound seductive. Sound casually as possible as if you're talking to a friend. If you get rejected, it's okay there are plenty of girls out there.

So, to answer the question I think both ways works perfectly. Both parties can make the first move, besides we're living in the 21st century.

I was being immature with the earlier post. Here's my take on the issue:

In-keeping with Hugo's chromosome-themed XX and XY, I'll express my view from the biological point of view.

To get the ball rollng, we have to face the fact that terms like flirting, hitting on, courting and dating translate to only one term in biology, which is reproduction. Who are we kidding right?

Men are about quantity. Really. This is refelcted by the fact that a healthy man makes about 400 million (thats 400,000,000) sperm a day. Biologically speaking, with these 400 million mini-mes, it doesn't matter how a men gets them out.

He makes the first move, she makes the first move, his parents and her parents make sure they move. They're all the same. Wasted effort? Hey, I'll just wait for another day and restore my 400 million swimming boys. Which is why men say it is okay for women to make the first move, because at the end of the day, it's about thinking of other ways to utilize the resource at hand (pun intended).

Women on the other hand, are all about quality. A healthy woman ovulates about 13 times a year. That is about once every month. One ovum, 150 micrometer in diameter, a month. The woman's body then handles this scarce and precious ovum with respect.

In other words, women have higher tolerance as far as the quality of men is concerned. These qualities are identified in instances that the woman goes through.

Men who notice subtle mind games are deemed as cunning and intelligent.

Men who remember important dates are seen as sensitive and thoughtful.

Men with six-packs and strong arms are labelled as, well, strong.

And men who make the first move, to a woman, are men with confidence.

Having said that, it does not show that women who make the first move don't consider quality. It's just that they see quality it in other departments.

And why I fell men should make the first move you ask? It's already beautiful how men and women are made. Why twist, turn and manipulate the fact just so it is suits our convenience?

Play the game. That's where the fun is.

It's okay to ask MEN out. Cause men should handle the situation more maturely.
If they like you, they'll accept your invitation... If they don't, they'll decline politely without bragging to their friends.

BOYS are the ones who'll think "I'm gonna get some lovin' tonight" or be a total jerk if he doesn't find her bonkable enough.

Dammit, i need more men in my life.

which girl doesn't want to feel loved,valued and cherished? by being chased is a big message that says just that.

which guy doesn't want to feel superior,strong and manly? so,chasing and get accepted is a big boost to their manhood.

which girl doesn't want to fight for their happiness in this new era with modern thinking,instead of waiting for the dumb guys who doesn't realise the existence of such a treasure?
so the girls prefer to make the first move rather than regretting it later on and pondering on the "wat ifs"

which guy doesn't want to take a break and let the girls do the chase once in awhile since it's the new age where women want to be equal and emancipated? guys want to feel worthy of girls' attention.
so they don't think girls doing the chase is cheap and desperate but mature and sexy coz they know what they want and do sth abt it.

everyone wants attention from the opposite sex.that makes them feel good abt themselves.so whoever does the chase is not really important to the chasers, wat is important is that the chasee accepts and reciprocate.and it all depends on one's view and belief to be the chaser or chasee.

as for me,my take is on being the chasee. :)

doesn't matter who take the first move. win-win solution please...

our doubts are traitors & make us lose the good we oft might win. by fearing to attempt so YOU be the first one who move! don't wait till the sky fall because it'll never happen and you can't see any result. don't think but MOVE!

My YM:splendid07@yahoo.com

girls will be label 'cheap' or 'desperate' if they make the move. assuming a fat girl like me make a move to a guy that i am interested in. what will happen? not only that guy reject me straight to my face but also will make fun of me in front of their so-called macho guy friends!( it really happened on me!) how would i feel? that's why sometimes, it is just nice by sending some indirect messages across the room! and if no respond, then give up! people out there do not have any ideas when the guys only go for those pretty skinny girls and not girl plump or fat girls! it hurts so much for fat people like me! we are just ordinary girls that want to be loved as well. so, what is wrong if a guy got rejected? they dont lose anything.. but for girls, we will be left broken heart and low-self esteem. afterall, men are well known for much better in controlling their emotions and they dont cry!

p/s daisy_chih@yahoo.com

It's me again. I've read all the comments. I've noticed a few things that I found rather disappointing.

A lot of people are rather "conservative" shall we say? Very set and not at all open to alternative ways of doing things.

Another thing, to a lot of people a relationship is not much more than a game of deception and lies.

That sucks. How can we build trust if we deceive each other (i.e "make him/her think he/she is in control)? The whole thing is pointless in the end. No trust, no relationship. Period.

It shouldn't be a game. But maybe it is. In any game there will be a loser and that sucks.

I guess that's why I stopped playing.

Who should make the first move?
It depends.
For me, I am always the one who make the first move when come to knowing a new friend.
Like when attending any ceremony or function, or when waiting inside the lecture hall for class to be started, I will be the one who greet the other party first, regardless of their gender.
So… is this counted as making the first move? Yes, right?
But I don’t understand why, some guys misunderstood my friendliness and thought I have felling for them.
So I stop being friendly so a while.
Then, they said I am cocky.
................................

So I will say, it’s better to make the first move if it’s for those insensitive guys… means those that don’t get your hint no matter what.

The thing is there is no one right rule to it. However traditionally in the past,guys are the man of the house and have the final say of everything and girl gets to cook and wash. Therefore its have been the precedent in the past, girls should listen the guy's request or act at the guy's interest. However today, time has change, woman get educated equally like men and woman starts to be more independent. Education pays a very big role in this context as I have discovered that girls from Chinese educated school are more timid or I would said less independent (I mean generally), and girls from English edu school like me are more open-minded. However thats dont mean girls from english educated background are more willing to make their first move in relationship. To be frank why girls refused to make first move is mainly because WE the girls enjoy the feeling being tackle and being desired. And men on the other hand have the egoistic character which can be displayed when he makes the first move. Therefore when a girl makes her first move, she has push away the desire to enjoy being tackle and guys on the other hands may or may not appreciate this value. Therefore I am still in the opinion that since girls enjoy the feeling being tackle and desire, why not guys just make the first move. I am sure the girls will greatly appreciate the guy if the girl also like the guy. So dont expect a girl to appreciate a guy's effort when the girls dont even like the girl. Its takes courage to confess and I really appreciate the effort eventhough things dont turn up well. So girls out there, if u are brave enough, speak up for yourself!! But till now I still prefer to use the method of giving some obvious signals/obvious flirt to interested party to make the move!!

SIIIGH! guys should obviouslyyyyyy make the first move! However they put it, they WILL mind when a girl is bold enough to ask them out lah okay!

would guys like it if girls were the ones to lead in a romance? would they like girls to buy chocolates/flowers or propose to them? i THINK NOT. guys have always and will always be the dominant people in relationships, therefore they should know to ask a girl out and make the first move.


however, girls should be fair and not play hard to get. besides that, girls who get rejected will take it waaaay harder than guys who get rejected simply because girls hearts are ten times softer, and they get easily bruised. whereas guys have nothing but egos that can be fixed with a mere brush off. so, guys out there! pfffft get to it! :D

Call me conservative or whatever, but I strongly agree with the well known phrase that guys should always make the first move. I've heard of guys saying that if a girl made the first move, even if they end up together, he will be more likely to not appreciate her as much as he should. They say girls should play hard, but of course drop hints at the same time to affirm your attraction to the guy.

However, I do have to say that more and more guys end up with girls who make the first move these days. The fact is, girls are becoming more daring and guys are becoming more coward/shy/intimidated/etc. Where are the hunter instincts in you guys? If you want something, you will fight with your life to get it, don't you?

Even if the girls did want to reject you, they would not go around and spread it and blacklist you. Unless, of course, you made the first move at the wrong time, with the wrong way, to the wrong person. ; ) There are girls out there who will respect and understand your 'egoness' and is willing to keep your first move as low key as possible to help save your 'face'.

Oh well, we do drop hints to show if we are slightly attracted, unless the girl does not even know you, or just barely know you. So don't worry, just try to observe it well. Positive hints means you can try making the first move, if not, just back up and postpone the move and see how the friensdhip goes.

ideally men should make the first move, but you never know?!? you wouldn't want to think you missed out on a great opportunity b/c both people were too shy. thanks for posting about Hugo's XX XY, i just saw their seventies vibe clip 'human nature' for the scent on youtube, http://youtube.com/HugoHumanNature it's all about the mating dance between men and women- pretty interesting.

keep up the great work nicolekiss!

Hey nicole. I was just reading Kenny's blog a moment ago. Actually I came to read what was posted here, and support Kenny anyway.

But then I read what you said, and I kinda notice that what you said were all true.(Not that Kenny's were not true, but I feel yours somehow made more sense)

Personally, I do prefer gurls to make the first move. It was 2 years ago, I have this friend who asked for a gurl's contact number in front of the whole Kasturi tuition class(which is around at least 70 ppl) and guess what. He got rejected. From then on, friends have been making fun of him. I told myself I wouldn't want that sort of embarassment.

Being in Form 5, we do gossip about who's in a relationship with who kinda stuff and we DO comment stuffs about gurls which I must admit, not so nice. When a gurl goes after a few guys, she will be blacklisted among guys.No doubt about that.

They say, you will not appreciate something unless you work hard for it. I agree on this, and if I take up the 100 dollars bet, I would have lost I'm sure.

Besides that, I also agree on the 'guys acting stupid' part. Its not very nice for a guy to tell a gurl that he's not interested.

Anyway, I was kinda shocked to learn that Nicole knows so much about guys. Truly... Weird.. Never would I thought a gurl would know so much about guys. *applause*

Last but not least, I would like to support Nicole and say that GUYS should ALWAYS make the first move..

Ps. I was the guy who had the nuffnang ad for Hugo ALL the way down my blog, but no worries cause I fixed it. Glad to be chosen. Thank you!!

Over the years I had always thought that there is nothing wrong for me as a girl to make the first move. To tell a guy 'I like him', but non of my ex-bf, I made a first move on.

Just the last 2 days I was attending a seminar and saw this really cute hunk and was so tempted to approach him, to start a conversation, to find out his name and hopefully a number. But due to unfortunate circumstances, I had lost my voice a day before the seminar, and therefore didn't or should i say, couldn't approach him.

Then here I am now, reading your entry about the male ego. Yes, I truly agree with the undeniable male chauvinist character. My ex had nearly always wanted to foot the bill in front of the waiter. Even if it was my promotion treat, he would ask me to pay him back later on when we are out of the restaurant. It is indeed a male ego. However, he changed after a while. After a few years, he learn to tell the waiter that "The lady is going to take the bill" Putting his ego down? I'm not too sure.

Perhaps the Asian mentality is not ready to accept the gender equality issue 100%. In the sitcom Friends, Monica propose to Chandler. That was the first female proposal I have ever seen!

My stand, guys don't necessarily have to make the first move. All the ladies out there, if you want to make the first move, do it smart! Not in all things though. I do believe that a guy should propose to a girl and not the other way round.

True story this...

She had been noticing him for 2 weeks now. He comes into lectures, alone, always punctual. He sits somewhere in the middle row, smack in the middle of the screen in front. She watches as he unzips his bag, takes out his pencilbox, and removes a mechanical pencil. This guy - always writes with a pencil, never with a pen. Oh....he's left handed too, like me, she thinks.

She stares at his style, he fidgets in his seat a lot. He turns around, only to catch the stare in his eyes. She tries to flash a weak smile, but he had already turned his head. I shall dress nicer next week, she thinks. And dress she does, and they continue their little cat and mouse game.

This week, she is in luck. He gets on to the bus, and sees her already seated. There are no empty seats, except for the one next to her. He takes it like it is the most natural thing in the world. The silence would akward if they were not strangers.

They walk to the lecture hall together, only she walks ahead and he walks behind. She opens the first door, and leaves it open for him. Thank you, he says. She smiles. He walks ahead, and opens the next door for her. Thank you, she says. He smiles. As with the bus, the lecture hall leaves only two empty seats.

She passes him the lecture notes, and tries to conjure up her most provocative smile. Thank you, he says again. She hopes she wore enough perfurme today. He whips out his same old black pencil and starts writting again. When all is done, he starts packing up, ready to leave.

She delays. She hessitates. She contemplates. Then, without fear, without worrying whether she is pretty enough, or smart enough, she says :

"Hi....I'm Sharon"
"Oh...I'm Tom"
"I was wondering.........would you like to....................."

I stared from afar, never really grasping the situation. I observed as she smiled and nodded at him. I sniggered as she stammered with her question, trying to be brave, trying to say what she wanted to say.

I smiled to myself as I walked out of that place. She suddenly became the most attractive woman in that room. That lucky bastard, I thought, its not everyday you meet a woman with balls......


(I am running low on perfume and I am too cheap to buy more. So let me win, yeah?)

bitchinglog@hotmail.com

i believe it's ok for the girl to make the 1st move.if the guy were to make stupid comments about the girl being cheap and all, well i guess it's ok to be blinded and appear lk a fool in a while. for me, i believe tat was more lk a brave act. let's say tat "hi" or an initiated dinner get the girl into a great friendship or a relationship it's totally worthwhile. then the guy will have time to kno her better mayb change view. if not well no harm saying hi o asking for a dinner rite?

babalian_gal@hotmail.com

to me..most gals tat moke the first move proves tat the gal is more aggresive n daring and most of the guys do not like those kind of gals(possibility of rejection is high).if they do i believe is onli temporary fun seeking thing for them.
as i noe guy prefer the exciment n challenge to go after a gal which actually makes them cherish gals more.
therefore i dun think is a good idea for a gal to make the first move.

beautylover_qb@hotmail.com

If a girl makes a move first, I don't think it'll make her look cheap. It only shows that the girl has a whole lot of confidence. The only way to judge whether the girl is not being cheap is her physical appearance. If she approached you with her cleavage, thighs and arms concealed then it's obvious she's not trying to be cheap. Her body language plays a part of it too, especially the way she walks and her facial expression. If it's nothing seductive then she's most definitely not trying to be cheap. If you looked through some statistics most girls are not interested in sex in a relationship as most guys assumed.

Now, as for a guy making the first move first. I don't see it as a problem either, just make sure they looked decent when approaching a girl. Their appearance, body language and personality makes a huge difference when approaching a girl. Here's a tip of my own, clean shaved, wear a shirt that is ironed, wear any long pants and apply cologne (A research has shown that wearing a cologne or perfume can aroused interest in the opposite sex). When you ask them out, try not to sound seductive. Sound casually as possible as if you're talking to a friend. If you get rejected, it's okay there are plenty of girls out there.

So, to answer the question I think both ways works perfectly. Both parties can make the first move, besides we're living in the 21st century. ;)

I posted the second time because I forgot to leave my email.

abigail_russel@hotmail.com

To be honest, I think that in this day and age (and more importantly, for many people in my age group), it doesn't really matter who makes the first move. If there's mutual attraction, chances are the person being asked out will respond positively. Even if they (person being asked) don't initially agree to go out, if they are interested in you, they WILL find a way to reciprocate.

When it comes to this affair of the heart, my view is that people (both the ones doing the asking and the ones being asked) are generally not as dense/blur/timid/mean as we make them out to be. Maybe we're making excuses for ourselves and for them because deep inside, we know we're all vulnerable. And we really can't help who we are attracted to or repulsed by (or who are attracted to or repulsed by us), so we focus on technical debates like what is proper dating etiquette to avoid dealing with potential rejection and kick to the ego. At the end of the day, everyone's afraid of rejection, whether it's the one being asked or the one doing the asking. Both guys and girls have egos, just that it gets expressed in different ways.

sources: more than a few of my male and female friends and peers

Sorry if I sound like I'm rambling. My attention was somewhat distracted by the picture of the bowl of chocolates at the top of Nicole's blog. It's 1:30am, I'm hungry, and there's no guy around at the moment for me to practice my feminine wiles on/ask directly if he could help to get me a bowl of chocolate.

P/s The Hugo Boss website didn't have anything tasty to eat, but I thought that the female model in the "Harmony is Overrated" advert bears a close resemblance to Nicole...

It depend. I dont mind girl take the 1st move. As long as both of the party is ok with it. There is no right or wrong on who should take the 1st move. It is the will power of either one side try to get attention/to know the opposite sex. No try no chance, got try got chance. If you think because of face problem then sorry la, you will miss out the chance. You will also miss out the perfect girl for you. Do try and take challenge, the more you fail the more chance for you to success will increase.

email:jj_jr_lau@yahoo.com

Does it matter if its the girl or guy that makes the first move..?? the worlds population is exploding and that says something doesnt it? its all about the wild side...cause harmony is over-rated ;)

by the way, i forgot, my email add is pinknouf@hotmail.com :D

“It’s the 21st century. If you’re interested, call and ask him out! You'd never know till you try.”

“No---don’t call him. A guy who doesn’t have the balls to ask you out, is NOT worth your time.”

“At day end, if a guy doesn’t call, he’s just not that interested. Now, why waste your time pursuing a guy who’s not that into you, when you deserve so much better?”

“Why leave the ball to be at his park? There’s no harm in extending one last invitation and give it a chance. If he doesn’t reciprocate, then move on… but at least you’ve tried.”

Conflicting advice, urging me to do one or the other.

My head and my heart have polarized opinions.

My head is ruled by wisdom. Personally, I’ve been raised with a more traditional viewpoint that if a guy likes you, he’ll cross oceans, climb mountains and even though he’s up his neck with work, he’ll find a way to be in contact.

I mean, how long does it take to send a single email, an SMS message, or a brief call just to ask you out?

If you act too aggressively and ask them out, you'll discover that some will be nice and polite, but deep inside, they boast, “I’m DA MAN!” feeling proud of being attractive, instead of finding you attractive.

It's true, society’s double standard still dictates that a woman who comes on too strongly is cheap --- If you were valuable, you’d have guys chasing after you, instead of the other way around.

So though it’s okay for women to make the first move, it’s far safer to hold the notion of, “If he wants me, he can come and get me. Otherwise, he’s not worth my time.”

It's not that I can't call --- it's more of, I choose not to call. I am friendly and gregarious; trust me, it’s not that hard to call. Waiting actually is the hardest thing to do when you know how easy it is to make that simple phone call just to ask him out.

However, my self-respect cannot really accept being with someone who obviously doesn’t like me as much as I do them. Women deserve men who act like men and at least, treasure you enough to pursue you. And if they’re not calling, well, there are other fishes in the sea.

However, I help them out a bit. I show signs of interest.

For example, I will be very approachable and not be too hard to get. Specifically, I make time for him. I will provide opportunities for him to ask me out as what Nicole had mentioned, so he thinks it's his idea.

So who needs to make the first move?

I think it’s still definitely the guy… women in general are not cut out to asking men out. We overanalyze things, and society still dictates that men act like men, and women like women. Nonetheless, it’s always great for women to provide a helping hand.

Email: tina@capt.org.tw

seduction is a game where both players accepted the rules and adult about it. There is no who-go-first kind of rule, its rather whom-you-wanna-play-with., and if your target wants to play with you or not

Aiyo, Nicole, why go thru all the trouble to get Kenny's attention? He got no balls one lah!

Nah, my email address: kuatpin@yahoo.com

Let's have a drink!

Frankly, i think it isn't about who should make the first move but who can hold back longer.

And address to send the flowers to, please. ;)

email: htrua@hotmail.com htrua@yahoo.com

Nicole -> 1 Kenny Sia -> 0.

yangbphat@gmail.com :D

psst... how about this entry of mine.. http://www.kamkuey.com/?p=106
ehehehe..
btw.. will be emailing you the pics from audrey's birthday soon

Here's my comment:

“The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena... who strives valiantly.... who knows the great enthusiasms...who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who have never tasted victory or defeat.

It doesn't matter who makes the first move, but if he/she is rejected with blatant humiliation, then the other party is not worthy his/her effort.

z_phyr@hotmail.com

guys should always make the first move, i personally do not like girls who make the first move. nicole i would love to give you flowers, but not roses. coz somehow i feel roses are not your fav. and er..... how do i giv it to you? =P

I have always had boy making the first move on me...
I don't know why the hell I got stupid, and made a first move on that guy, hinting everything that I could ever had and sounded desperate...and I got rejected...
It was extremely painful..I swear I would never ever do it again...
Guys, please go and make the bloody first move..

I totally agree with you Nicole.

I realise Malaysian men are very pampered and lazy these days due to the 9 girls: 1 guy ratio.

They take it easy, laze around and wait because :
1) time is on their side. Men can fuck around till they are 40 before settling down for some hot chicks half their age. So what is there to worry?
2) they can take comfort that somehow and someway some gals will make the first move and take it from there. So again, what is there to worry??

I have to say that the number of confident hot women who are not afraid to go after what they want has somehow contributed this phenomenon.

So how? 2 ways to deal with this :
1) if you cant beat them, you join them. We cant stop these women from going after what they want. So, you learn from them and do what they do. Hopefully, you will end up with somone. Fingers Crossed.
2) If you are like me, BIG EGO, just do what the guys are doing.JUST CHILL.Take it easy. If it comes, it comes. If it doesnt, it doesnt. Don put so much pressure on yourself. Go out with as many friends as possible. The possibility of you hitting jackpot is higher if you know more people.
Yes, you might argue that the good ones will be taken and you might end up alone/ with some loser, but who said you wont if you went after some guys, rite? Always remember your own worth and never do somthing just because you are pressured into doing it.

Hey Nicole, all I can say is that if you approached me, I would have turned around, downed a big glass of whiskey and act all macho. :) Fake as that sounds, I dont think I have been taught how to react to a gorgeous lady like yourself approaching me.

Generally, I will try to approach ladies who arent too beautiful or made up, as they would usually have an air about themselves. I prefer those who are very confident about their character, thoughts and personality instead of their looks, as they are less hostile to guy approaches. They know how to talk and handle male advances better. If they dont like a guy, they can brush him off with class and panache without hurting the guy. I dont find that trait in a lot of Malaysian ladies. I prefer to approach females at all the odd places; bookstores, shopping malls (while prob looking at the same items), museums, at a carnival? I had a female approach me when I was looking for a book by Amy Tan as she was also a fan, and we stood there talking for 15 mins. Then we went for coffee. So I am pretty supportive of ladies who make the first move.

i talked to my guy friend about this before. Whether it would be okay for girls to make the first move, whether it would be okay for girls to go after the boys. and he said that guys wouldnt appreciate you and would probably not treat you very well.like you said and i quote,
'Because we throw ourselves to guys, who will not be treated as “valuable” as those girls whom guys take effort to court.'

yeah he said the exact same thing but in different words. and he advised me to NEVER GO AFTER A GUY AND WAIT FOR GUYS TO COME TO ME. hahahaha hilarious. and yeah guys like the chase. (some guys ONLY like the chase. and thats just friggin retarded)=__="

i have this one friend who makes girls he has interest in fall for him and then when they DO (eventually)he says 'oh lost feelings'. PFFT GUYS CAN BE SO UGH! *slap slap*

And its true about the guy ego issue thing too. x) totally agree!

The world says that the guys should be the one making the first move.Occasionally some poeple disagree and insist that the girls should be the one making the first move.Personally speaking, i think it doesnt mather who makes the first move.If you have an interest in someone,than go ahead and make the first move(regardless of your sex).If you are interested in the girl/guy but dont make the first move,then i dont think you are even worth noticing.Why? Because u have no courage,no will power,no determination and no sincerity.IF you like someone,then show it,dont just talk about it.If you really like someone then make a move,show that you are willing to do what is required to express your interest.If the person is afraid to stand up for what he/she likes,then what makes you think that the same person would stand up to protect his/her relationship.At the end of the day, it doesnt mather wheter you are guy or girl or both,if you like someone that badly or if you think you are the right one for that particular person,than prove it,make the move.Who cares what happens later or the names people would be calling you if you fail.A name doesnt define a life,it's how you live your life that defines a name.

Well, personally I feel that guys should make the first move.
Just to clarify, I'm a guy too.

I would like to think of it as an action-reaction thing.
Guys, look at it this way, though women has been striving for recognition and to be treated equally, it doesn't mean we have to let them make the first move.

Deep down every woman's heart, they're waiting for someone to sweep them of their feet.
Someone that they could depend on, someone to snuggle with on cold nights. Someone to pinch their nose, someone to kiss them on their foreheads.

Women have indeed become more liberated but there are just some things that have to be initiated by guys. It is something called the spirit of chivalry.

By nature, women tend to be more subdued and men are the aggresive ones. Women are just trying to let nature take its course. And by displaying a certain amount of courage and chivalry to make the first move, the battle is already half won.

To tell the truth, if you're actually afraid of being the one to make the first move, then you aren't really in love with the other person at all. You're just curious, that's all.

All in all, I still feel that guys are the ones that should make the first move.

maverick_warrior2003@yahoo.com

I have no problem with girls making the first move on me.
Well.. that line has two meaning. First, I am not disgusted by and will not look down on girl who make the first move. It also means it never happen to me before.
Sigh..
But seriously, I think it was OK for either to make the first move. Whenever possible, guy should make the first move. Girls can start by dropping hints. If she thinks, the guy just doesn't get it, then make the move because you never know if the guy is too shy and timid or too clueless or feeling too insecured. He could even valued your companion so much he doesn't dare to risk losing your friendship.
Personally, I have lost a friend many years ago because she could not accept that I like her but I have moved on. Not too long ago, I confessed my feeling to another friend because of one simple reason; I know I am not satisfied with just being her friend. I know how much I want to take our relationship to the next level. I know there is nothing I won't risk to hear her say yes.
And please don't worry about being out of league. First get the girl (or guy), then work yourself up his/her league. lol ;-)
As for the guy/girl who rejected you and then ridiculed you, do you REALLY want to be in a relationship with such a person?
Bottom line; Guys should make the first move but if nothing happen, U Go Girl - Make The Move!
Oh.. the last girl above.. she rejected me too although we remain good friend. I will still make a move the next time I find someone.
Sheesh.. to think Kenny claimed he has balls the size of a coconut.

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it does not matter who made the first move.. as long as both side like each other, then they will "walk side by side" one day..

there's always pain and gain in everything

lets evaluate the pain and gain from making the first step (regardless of the gender)


pain
-lowering your standard
-being labeled as cheap ass desperate whom haven't get laid for the past 20 years ( and equivalent)
-to suffer in emotions
-decreasing in self-esteem

gain
-the opportunity for you to get close to a person whom you like
- making another friend

heck, even if really fails and the other party go to brag to his/her friends, so what?
its just some words being circulated in the world does not belongs to you

and if you telling me those comments can bring you down, thats YOUR problem cause you WASTING YOUR TIME

p/s : those pain will eventually become gain if taken the suitable action.....no pain,no gain

Men should always make the first move.

Men are born with balls. Balls make men courageous! If a man doesn’t dare to ask women out, might as well snip his balls off and wait for another man to ask him out =D

theodore_ting@hotmail.com

Totally agree with Nicole! Can't believe she speaks my heart out! Men are among the most ego species on Earth. They are so ego that they want to win in everything. I mean EVERYTHING!

Let’s see pattern here. So they (still) win in politics and of course (watching) football. However, men finally realized that their species are endangered. More and more women are interfering fields they thought they do best. As a result, they have evolved from ‘small ego’ to ‘ridiculous ego’.

When they win on something, they’ll say they’re the man! When women win, they say we want equality, so they give in (as if they give us the victory!) When it comes to house chore, they say that is women’s job. When comes to paying bills, they aspect us to pay for our own.

So, let’s get back to the topic. Those days, it was easy for men to get a girl, just some couple of sweet words and flowers and the girl will go head over heals for him. Men do not pay much effort to own a woman. Now that women are getting smarter, it has become a challenge for guys to impress a woman. Love letters, flowers, diamonds have just become necessities and not luxuries.

And now what? They actually think that women should go after men?!? (I have fainted at this point!) Okay, it is just a simple math whether who should go after who. Just calculate the lost and gain of each party after they are engaged in a relationship. It is actually a clear gain for men and clear lost for women. Let me just elaborate further.

Men first gain is SEX. They get love and care which includes home-cooked meals, knitted goods. They gain pride for having a nice women. Some lucky ones might get enough children to host a soccer game.

Now see, women give out so much in a relationship; her youth, her time and energy for the family. And most important women will become so fat and her figure will never be the same again after given birth.

Now, as a woman, knowing that my value will degrade when own by men over time, do you think I will be making the first move? Dream on….

jaynce@yahoo.com

Jayn Kong, thats such a bimbo post:

"Men first gain is SEX. They get love and care which includes home-cooked meals, knitted goods. They gain pride for having a nice women. Some lucky ones might get enough children to host a soccer game."

Do women not get sex and someone to care for them also?

"Now, as a woman, knowing that my value will degrade when own by men over time, do you think I will be making the first move? Dream on…."

Under the same paradigm (not that I agree with it), of value degrading over time, then maybe you shouldn't get married and lets see how you maintain your value when you are 40. You are a depreciating asset, regardless of if you are "owned by a man. I refer you to the following post, are you the same woman who posted this?

http://www.innogize.com/adrian/tz/archive/2007/10/a_depreciating.html

This comment has been removed by the author.

NO PAIN.. no gain..

whether's it s guy or girl, the first move made is the most excruciatingly, excitingly, fantastic/dumb/interesting you could ever do..

Hi Soon, seems to me that you are another bimbo guy. (Thanks to you I learned one new word 'bimbo'!)

I am trying to list what men gain and women lost in my post. Of course there is also a 'women-gain-men-lost' list as well. But, why would I want to post that? Furthermore, men enjoy sex more than women do. I didn’t say that, I am sure you know your way to the IE and google it up. Therefore, it is really very fair for me to say that.

About your second point, hmm.. Initially, I didn’t want to elaborate on that. Well, since you asked, here goes….

Now, as a woman, knowing that my value will degrade when own by men over time, do you think I will be making the first move?

My above argument “when own by men” is actually reflecting housewives. Now see, we all have jobs, housewife to me is not a job. You don’t make your husband your employer and asked money from him over sex. Basically, you are not able to generate income for yourself because you have to sacrifice everything for your family. And of course, when compare, the working one gained more experience and generate money for the family while the one who take care of the house chore and babies are not able to generate income.

Now see, if a woman gave up her career to stay at home. Let say not working for 10 years, then suddenly, this guy pops up with another young chick. So this woman, how is she gonna get back into the society and work? Of course yes she can. Why not put yourself in her shoes, you not working for 10 years then now you have to start all over again with the basic pay and fight for a vacancy with the fresh graduates. You tell me how you feel about it.

Then now can I say that “when own by men”, my value will depreciate as the society is fast moving and that it has become harder and harder for me to find a job?

*very sleepy*

What's so wrong about a girl making the first move as long as she doesn't sleep with him?. Anyone who says this is cheap is too narrow minded. It's because men have ego, that's why they DON'T chase women. It's harder for men to face rejection. Plus, i think the world has changed. Men hardly chase women because they are too busy chasing MONEY. Any men who gossips about a girl for asking him out IS NOT A REAL MAN. So, i think women are braver if they make the first move and it makes it easier for men since men these days are a bit wussed out.

Everybody loves the idea of being chased because that makes them feel wanted. It's as simple as that.