So said Forest Gump's respectable late mother.
I love her and loved her love for Forest and love her for this phrase.
Though supposedly I should be loving the person who wrote the script.
I've been living in a dream. This whole world is a dream. As the rain pours heavily on the pool outside, water rippled across the surface and small droplets slowly formed a sizzling dance while the rattling of the water against the earth echoed from the neighborhood.
It felt like a dream. Yes, I've been living in a dream.
I woke up several times thinking what is life and what I am doing. Work and study and back to work, slowly life has become mundane and the pain hid to the pits where I could not find any longer. I thought I forgot about it, I thought it was over, I thought it was never there any longer.
But you know what? It was.
And recently a trigger, a soft comforting hand, sweet words, and a kind soul lifted the cover. And brought these dreadful feelings back, and I was in tears for days. Feeling I didn't know exist anymore, it was all there. Back again, and I was sobbing like a broken pipe, tears flowed as easily as the rain outside. Uncontrollable, inevitable, and strangely, relieving. It's like breaking out of this shell I've been concealed all these while. Drown in work and fake smiles I don't even care about. I was the spectator of my own life, of my own self. That I weren't me at all. I was an outcast of my sphere.
Sometimes the different phases and choices in life are like picking a chocolate out of a chocolate shop.
Sometimes you get the Turkish delights which you don't really like. Sometimes you pick the dark chocolate which you love but turned out to be bitter than you expected, it even gave you sore throat and then fever.
And even so, life goes on.
But I stood back. Refraining myself from picking chocolate again, even though I was tempted to. Because I did not wish to be disappointed by these chocolates who broke my heart again and again, even when they knew how much I love them, how much I adored chocolates and how much I would cherish them. But they always turned out disappointing, not what I expected, and sometimes even make me feel sick.
Yesterday, I broke the rule. I picked another chocolate, it was tempting, just too tempting. It looked so tasty, sinful but simply beautiful, but I was afraid, scared to get near it. Afraid of another disappointment. Afraid that it might hurt me. But.... I didn't know why, I went ahead anyway.
Today, I felt like I'm holding the most beautiful block of chocolate in my hand. Even the rain continues to pour, my heart could not stop dancing.
Thank you for your words. Thank you for staying.