Short Note: Still compiling photos from the orphanage, have patience okay?
What has wings, sucks blood, and can’t fly?
Take a wild guess.
No it’s not a broken wing bat.
It’s a….. sanitary pad
Kotex Soft & Smooth Ultrathin Overnight Wings
I bet you didn’t know that.
Few days ago I was hit by my monthly “visits”,
I hate being a girl sometimes, it sucks. It really does. I want to be a man.
You men out there don’t you dare say you wish to be a girl or say a girl is better.
You have no idea the things we go through. The pain, every month, every year, for the next 40 years since age of 12, god damn it!
Period and women share a conflicting relationship. When it comes, we dreaded it, cause it’s so painful, it’s messy, and worst of all, we have PMS!!! We get grumpy, easily annoyed and extremely sensitive, touch us and we might just cry.
When it doesn’t come, man, then it’s time to panic! Either that means we are getting a baby or we are never going to get a baby.
So anyhow, since my supply of pads are running low, I decided to drop by my nearby local friendly hypermarket to pick up “something” on my way back from “work”.
I walked really slowly so that nothing will ‘drip’. (did I say I hate being a girl sometimes?)
The rack was full of selections.
Running my eyes through the collections of pads, I was in a mili-second dilemma before..
There she blows…
Oh shit!! Gotta make this fast!!
I bet by now many of you guys out there are scratching your head asking: “why the hell do they have soooo many types of pads, it’s just a pad!! Why do you need so many types!! How to choose?! Which to choose!!?” and hoping insanely that no girls will ever ask them to buy these things.
Okay, you insensitive bunch of testosterone-driven males. Nicole, as of I, is going to explain to you WHY we need so many types of pad today! And maybe ONE DAY that you can be a more sensitive boyfriend!
First, I shall start with the day and night use. Why?
Well, during the day, we stand, therefore the flow are usually vertical.
Whereas during the night, we lie down on the bed and sleep, gravity kicks in, and the flow won’t be straight anymore!
And the last thing we want, is blood staining our bed!!
Thus we need all the high-tech features we can get. Take this Kotex Soft & Smooth Ultrathin for example, it has so many features “installed”.
"Superior protection against leaks ans stains - double anti-leakage channels, wings"
Now you know what the wings are for~
That is why, smart intelligent brand SUCH AS Kotex and their intelligent and Sensitive lab researchers come out with 2x faster absorbency! *suck suck suck*
And also ultra thin!! So you can’t see anything! Muahaha
Now you seriously DO NOT think that we girls have flows that run like a pipe for day 1 to day 7 right? (I get this from men all the time, jeez)
Come on… we would run out of blood eventually. The procedure's like this.
First it’s the sign of period. PMS, small signals of blood stains (sometimes) will tell me that the monsoon season is about to arrive.
Then when the first day hits,
There’s no stopping these things, occasionally for more fertile women (such as me :p), the flow seems endless, and the pain can kill! Usually I will stay at home, hide under my blanket, and weep. (Or pop some menstrual pills and sleep)
During this time, it’s either sanitary pads built for overnight or heavy flow usage. Like this one:
For the following few days, the flow subsides and it will remain constant normal flow.
Now it’s time to switch to normal flow pads,
Nearing the end, the flow diminishes and then it’s time for after-flow pad, normal pad applies too.
You ask why not use heavy flow pad all the way? Why keep changing!
Because!!! My dear ignorant phallus attached homo sapiens,
You don’t expect us to wear BIG LONG pads when the flow has subsided to this!
One drop per pad. Are you crazy? You wanna kill mother nature? This is when we need pantiliners. Save cost, save material.
So back to my supermarket story, I pick one up-
Slim, soft and smooth. Sounds good enough..
But then I saw this!
"can't remember my period? are you sure? really?!"
What?! Really?! OMG, I have to get this!
Kotex Soft & Smooth Ultrathin. My prayers have been answered. Now I do not need to resort to cutting out my uterus.
Kotex Soft & Smooth Ultrathin
Don’t underestimate it. Even though it’s so thin, it has the ability to absorb 2x faster! Instant and lasting dryness, coupled with the Softouch cover feature that is oh-so comfy, I won’t get that soggy and damp feeling that makes me uncomfortable all day. Talk about discreet protection. And now I don’t even have to worry about staining my undies anymore with this double anti-leakage channels.
See, told ya this is no simple matter.
Since you all have been so attentive to all my ramblings, I shall end this story with another joke,
Three vampires went to a bar,
the rich vampire ordered a cocktail glass of blood and drank;
the second not-so-rich vampire ordered a glass of diluted blood and drank;
the third, and poorest, vampire just ordered a glass of water, whipped out a sanitary pad from his pocket, and said to the first two bewildered vampires,
“I brought tea-bags”