Monday, February 18, 2008

Monthly Income

Short Note: Still compiling photos from the orphanage, have patience okay?


Question:
What has wings, sucks blood, and can’t fly?


Take a wild guess.

No it’s not a broken wing bat.

Guess again.






It’s a….. sanitary pad

sanitary pad
Kotex Soft & Smooth Ultrathin Overnight Wings


Hahahaha

I bet you didn’t know that.

Few days ago I was hit by my monthly “visits”,

1234-wicklow-powerscourt-waterfall-medium


I hate being a girl sometimes, it sucks. It really does. I want to be a man.

You men out there don’t you dare say you wish to be a girl or say a girl is better.

You have no idea the things we go through. The pain, every month, every year, for the next 40 years since age of 12, god damn it!

Period and women share a conflicting relationship. When it comes, we dreaded it, cause it’s so painful, it’s messy, and worst of all, we have PMS!!! We get grumpy, easily annoyed and extremely sensitive, touch us and we might just cry.

When it doesn’t come, man, then it’s time to panic! Either that means we are getting a baby or we are never going to get a baby.

So anyhow, since my supply of pads are running low, I decided to drop by my nearby local friendly hypermarket to pick up “something” on my way back from “work”.

I walked really slowly so that nothing will ‘drip’. (did I say I hate being a girl sometimes?)

The rack was full of selections.

selections


So colourful.

kotex style


Running my eyes through the collections of pads, I was in a mili-second dilemma before..

medium_waterfall_sm
There she blows…


Oh shit!! Gotta make this fast!!


I bet by now many of you guys out there are scratching your head asking: “why the hell do they have soooo many types of pads, it’s just a pad!! Why do you need so many types!! How to choose?! Which to choose!!?” and hoping insanely that no girls will ever ask them to buy these things.

Okay, you insensitive bunch of testosterone-driven males. Nicole, as of I, is going to explain to you WHY we need so many types of pad today! And maybe ONE DAY that you can be a more sensitive boyfriend!

First, I shall start with the day and night use. Why?

Well, during the day, we stand, therefore the flow are usually vertical.

AngelFalls1


Whereas during the night, we lie down on the bed and sleep, gravity kicks in, and the flow won’t be straight anymore!

Waterfall_hills_Creek


And the last thing we want, is blood staining our bed!!

Thus we need all the high-tech features we can get. Take this Kotex Soft & Smooth Ultrathin for example, it has so many features “installed”.

features
"Superior protection against leaks ans stains - double anti-leakage channels, wings"


Now you know what the wings are for~

That is why, smart intelligent brand SUCH AS Kotex and their intelligent and Sensitive lab researchers come out with 2x faster absorbency! *suck suck suck*


And also ultra thin!! So you can’t see anything! Muahaha


Now you seriously DO NOT think that we girls have flows that run like a pipe for day 1 to day 7 right? (I get this from men all the time, jeez)

Come on… we would run out of blood eventually. The procedure's like this.

First it’s the sign of period. PMS, small signals of blood stains (sometimes) will tell me that the monsoon season is about to arrive.

Then when the first day hits,

waterfall_1


There’s no stopping these things, occasionally for more fertile women (such as me :p), the flow seems endless, and the pain can kill! Usually I will stay at home, hide under my blanket, and weep. (Or pop some menstrual pills and sleep)

During this time, it’s either sanitary pads built for overnight or heavy flow usage. Like this one:

kotex night pad


For the following few days, the flow subsides and it will remain constant normal flow.

teton-waterfall


Now it’s time to switch to normal flow pads,

kotex day pad


Nearing the end, the flow diminishes and then it’s time for after-flow pad, normal pad applies too.

waterfall


You ask why not use heavy flow pad all the way? Why keep changing!

Because!!! My dear ignorant phallus attached homo sapiens,

You don’t expect us to wear BIG LONG pads when the flow has subsided to this!

15261_large


One drop per pad. Are you crazy? You wanna kill mother nature? This is when we need pantiliners. Save cost, save material.


So back to my supermarket story, I pick one up-

kotex soft and smooth
Slim, soft and smooth. Sounds good enough..


But then I saw this!

ultrathin rectanglewarning pad
"can't remember my period? are you sure? really?!"


What?! Really?! OMG, I have to get this!

Kotex Soft & Smooth Ultrathin. My prayers have been answered. Now I do not need to resort to cutting out my uterus.

sanitary pad sample
Kotex Soft & Smooth Ultrathin


Don’t underestimate it. Even though it’s so thin, it has the ability to absorb 2x faster! Instant and lasting dryness, coupled with the Softouch cover feature that is oh-so comfy, I won’t get that soggy and damp feeling that makes me uncomfortable all day. Talk about discreet protection. And now I don’t even have to worry about staining my undies anymore with this double anti-leakage channels.

See, told ya this is no simple matter.


Since you all have been so attentive to all my ramblings, I shall end this story with another joke,

Three vampires went to a bar,

the rich vampire ordered a cocktail glass of blood and drank;

the second not-so-rich vampire ordered a glass of diluted blood and drank;

Merlot_Turnbler


the third, and poorest, vampire just ordered a glass of water, whipped out a sanitary pad from his pocket, and said to the first two bewildered vampires,


“I brought tea-bags”

85 comments:

  1. Ha ha ha good entry.

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  2. your joke not funny....


    but for the informative (educative?) post, I will tell you the full version.

    Use freely.




    Dracula was killed one day & up he went to the Pearly Gates to meet God. God refused to let Dracula in because of all the sins that he had done going around sucking blood & killing.

    "I'll give you a chance to redeem your sins", said God. "I'll send you back to earth, BUT not in a human form. "You can only be re-incarnated into any other living things of your choice." So, what would you like to be?"

    Still unrepentant, Dracula said, "OK, I want to become a LIVING THING WITH WINGS & SUCKS BLOOD, heh..heh..heh."

    "So be it", said God and He turned Dracula into a VAMPIRE BAT.

    So back to earth he went, flying around sucking the blood of animals until one day when he got killed by a farmer. So up he went again to meet God, feeling a lil'bit sheepish. "I'll give you another chance", said God. "I'll send you back again BUT not as a human or a bat. What will it be this time?"

    Still adamant, Dracula said, "I'll still want to be a LIVING THING WITH WINGS & SUCKS BLOOD!" God thought for a while and then said, OK, if that's what you want", and turned Dracula into a MOSQUITO.

    So back to earth again he went, flying around & sucking blood until one day, SPLAT! he was squashed by his victim. So up he went again to meet God, feeling stupid.

    "I'll give you one last chance to redeem yourself. BUT, this time you cannot become a living thing. You can only be turned into a NON-LIVING THING of your choice. So what will it be?" asked god.

    Still stubborn, Dracula said, "Okayyyy...then turn me into a NON-LIVING THING WITH WINGS & SUCKS BLOOD!! heh...heh...heh"

    "No problem," said God and He turns Dracula

    into ...


    Whisper Sanitary Pad with wings.

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  3. simply bringing this topic out may cause uneasy and improper to the ppl out there, especially ur this global blog, but u have bringing it in such a way that its feel good and comfortable to read..

    brilliant and capable i shall reward you the words

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  4. and next time write about tampons too...

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  5. Somehow I feel this is some sort of Advert for Kotex?? Is it? :)

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  6. It's such a crazy idea to post about this...
    Some sort of advertisement???
    Anyway, nice entry...Good try...

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  7. Edmund Tan18/2/08 2:02 PM

    I know sometimes it is hard to be a women, however, once the ladies out there get a taste of the secret weapon from Edison Chen or mine, I bet u wont regret being a lady. Trust me, u will thank god for it.

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  8. if somehow a ship carrying containers of sanitary pad sink into the ocean, the ocean might probably be dried up.

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  9. Ew at the teabag joke...

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  10. Hahaha....suddenly have an urge to go to the gents'.......

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  11. Lol. The teabag joke is such a classic. You has a goodz sense of humourz :)

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  12. lol...this is somewhat like a reminder to a show i've watched where this girl was hit by her "monsoon" and asked of her bf 2 go to the nearest supermarket to get her pad and he ends up buying 1 of each cuz he didnt know what difference it makes...Unfortunately he got dumped for not being understanding enough to know what type of pad the girl needs...lol...anyway so did i until a few min ago...way to go nicole...keep it up !

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  13. Ur joke just not funny... haiya, geliii..


    "You have no idea the things we go through. The pain, every month, every year, for the next 40 years since age of 12, god damn it!"

    I thought after you got baby there will be no more period pain. Is that info not correct at all?

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  14. Hey jo Nico...it's been a while.

    This has to be one of ur most educational posts man~~I've never really taken the trouble to educate myself on the different varieties of pads, but reading your post definitely enlightened me. rotfl!

    Although i must admit, i share similar sentiments with a few other *ahem* pallus-endowed readers about the last joke - it did make me feel somewhat nauseous...

    Nicely written with those lovely waterfalls. I swear I will never look at them the same way again after today hahah~~ :D

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  15. ==" OMG.

    The joke at the end of ur entry was so... so... ==" EWWWWWWW!!!!

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  16. Nic you are very creative.

    Yeah when PMS its coming... the bf /husband also might kena hit by the typoon.

    So guys also better pandai pandi abit lo...

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  17. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  18. Haha!! Funny yet informative! I like the way U using the waterfall as a representative!

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  19. Guy are so lucky and the girl are so UNLUCKY! cause we have to suffer and while we(i mean women) pregnant for months after that the guys just only need to angkuku the baby while the women all suffer...I wish i was a guy too!

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  20. OK i didnt' finish reading this post cos i got uneasy, LOL.. advertorial kah? anyways yes i hate periods too, they suck :(

    "When it doesn’t come, man, then it’s time to panic! Either that means we are getting a baby or we are never going to get a baby."

    SO FUNNY! love xo

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  21. Look like an Advertorial but a good one.

    But girl got more choices on clothes. Men's are so dull. Shirt la, slacks la, T-Shirt la, shorts la. Almost look the same.

    Such informative post. Now only I know sanitary pad can be categorized into so many different type.

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  22. now i know what's my wife going thru....every PMS..

    btw,i've been clicking your ads..

    i hope it helps...

    if it doesnt, then let me know..
    k ?

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  23. Well, that is why is tough to be a mother and a wife. A women's labor pain is "incomparable" and it's beyond the understanding of men. Probably that's the reason why female could have longer lifespan than male.

    Anyone saw the Hk drama series "Mr.Diana"? That's a very good movie. If only men can be in the body of a female and vice versa, probably both parties could learn to compromise and have better living.

    Anyway, good thing that this topic is brought up to create some awareness to those "male chauvenist pig" or MCPs.

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  24. Men out there, this is one of the important matter you need to know about girls. learn and understand!!!

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  25. is this post dedicated to our 'bocor' minister ?

    i think he should read this,before he shit from his mouth.

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  26. Hahahaha, so so funny the way u joke about it Nicole...Ur imaginations are great~ Y(^_^)

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  27. Haha! teabags... red tea or rose tea? Muahahahahahaha~

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  28. this reminds me of that one time my mom when to buy sanitary pads. my 8 year old brother was with her and he said,'Eeee! Mummy still wearing pampers!!'

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  29. You're definitely advertising for Kotex huh? kakakak

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  30. The teabags part is classic.LOL!

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  31. I have a guy friend who thought that girl's period lasts for only 2HOURS every month. Me and my girlfriends almost died hearing that.. :)

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  32. whisper is better then kotex nicole.....

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  33. Too much information!!!

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  34. very educational..its good to be a man!

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  35. i never knew there r for nights and there r for days.interestin post.

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  36. lol...
    nicole. You blog it in a very nice way. And creative for using the waterfall as the example.
    ;D

    Looks like you're a fan of Kotex? same... ;)

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  37. i don get period pain that often. if i do get one, ow ow ow! i hate it also. >< i prefer Laurier than Kotex tho.

    lol. love the last joke in ur entry... hahaha. teabag... swt..

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  38. love the joke. it's a classic. love that you know it and great presentation.

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  39. never ending temptation19/2/08 12:02 AM

    Great entry, next time must teach us how a girl musturbate so that we can teach our girlfriend when we need to go outstation.

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  40. Im a Whisper fan, nicole.. sorry... i think whisper definately feels drier than kotex... just my own preferance... :D

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  41. use tampons.

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  42. Nic, every1 knws is a pad leh

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  43. Was reading your blog while having cereal breakfast in my room... half way through lost half of my appetite.

    Then came the last joke that ended my breakfast... fast ;p

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  44. Since there are more girls in the family, my brother always has to end up being the one who gets to buy the pads for the women especially when emergency cases arises like “OMG! NO MORE PADS! I NEED ONE ASAP!” and he become so expert in it that when asked to buy, he’d reply, “What type do you need? The one that allows you to fly high (wings)? Or the one where you can do gymnast (there was a brand last time that showed a woman splitting her legs in the air)? Or you need the paper thin pads that looks more like a tissue paper than a pad (panty liner)? Or the extraordinary one that is so long you can even use it to wipe your ass (overnight)” and I’d would usually answer him with a loud roar and a thud on the head as I throw my bloody pad to him.

    Yeah, whacko family.

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  45. The topic and entry doesn't really link.. hmmm..

    "I walked really slowly so that nothing will ‘drip’." -___-

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  46. Quoted: "if somehow a ship carrying containers of sanitary pad sink into the ocean, the ocean might probably be dried up."

    no, actually the earth will be bloated. hahaha

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  47. Your blog was recommended by a friend who did the donation drive with you...

    But I'm disappointed that you didn't place his photo with u... How can la like that? He also deserve credit ma... :P

    Anyways, great write up...
    I'm sure all "insensitive phallus attached homo sapiens" (says you) are grateful for your short "EduBlog"

    Write some more about PMS please?

    Cheers,
    Adrian

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  48. so who u wanna be in next reincarnation? male or female? bt luckily i digested my lunch b4 reading ur blog..pheww..! just gonna drink some ribena 1st..i mean with lemon wan..

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  49. i actually feel squirmy around blood and kinda... horrified. not to the extent of fainting but it's just i don't know. see Hellen Miren who starred in The Queen childbirth disgusted her. in that kind of way. eek.

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  50. nicole, do en entry about tampons ar..
    i use tampons, PADS r leceh n they alwys leak one!!!!

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  51. I agree with you about Period!! PMS is the worst part of it!! =P

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  52. teabags! EWWWWW!!!! LOL :P

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  53. The way you said flow with the pics of waterfall is really misleading.

    It's like 50-100ml at most? That's for the whole duration of up to 5-7days.

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  54. this post really made my day, it's enlighting (for a guy at least) and humourous as well....thanks nicole.

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  55. Sounds like you've got premenstrual spotting with severe dysmenorrheoa, which is actually not that normal, you should get the gynaecologist to check you out for endometriosis, might need to go on the pill to contol your symptoms. I know, I am a gynaecologist.

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  56. Erm....I don't know what to say here...hahaha...

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  57. Hahaha, i've heard of the tea-bag joke before. No offence, but i do prefer whisper than kotex though. =)and Especially in school, i'll be worried if it leaks out. Then it'll be so embarrassing.

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  58. Show us your dirty pads Nicole...

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  59. feistyfeline20/2/08 12:25 AM

    hey nicole... something for you to consider http://www.divacup.com . great for when you have to travel. ;)

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  60. wah... period get so much more comments than mucus... :p

    Maybe I should change mine into educational too... :p
    example: when ur mucus is green... etc...

    Nicole's birthday is in 10 days, on March 1... So... Fans, guys, gals, supporters, etc... YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO RIGHT? :p

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  61. haha, real educational post. I used to wonder.. what is it meant by flow.. but now I get the hang of it.

    It's good to be a woman sometimes, but not for the monthly visits =P

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  62. Hi Nicole, I visit your blog quite often.... this blog in particular is so informative. Before this I have no idea why there are so many types of pads :P Thanks :)

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  63. Hahahaha NIcole... teabags?? Celaka.. I was trying not to laugh so loud in the office. Pehhhh... I can never lokk the same way at tea bag. PEh!

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  64. can u tell me what is" PMS " stand for?

    good teabag joke.

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  65. Gee its amazing how women only bitch about their oh so poor selves. You think its easy for us men when we hit puberty and gets all these surge of testosterone that drives us nuts and horny for the next 20-30 years 24/7.

    Its so bad sometimes that we guys find it hard to focus and concentrate on things due to our excessive horniness caused by our hormones :P

    There will always be advantages and disadvantages being a guy or a girl. So don't bitch how being a girl is so unlucky and being a guy is so lucky. Sheesh.

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  66. Hahahaha this is funny!
    Forget having pms, must be dreaming!

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  67. Seriously, what did women do before the invention of sanitary pads in the 18th century?

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  68. Bloody good entry!! ;)

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  69. godDestroyer21/2/08 3:26 PM

    raise me the hell yeah !!

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  70. The first joke is funny but the 2nd one.. eeewlll.. *LOL*

    Wow.. Next time if there's anyone asking bout that.. I'll just ask them to go read nicolekiss.blogspot.com.. Hiak hiak..

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  71. Thankx for the info. It's valuable, and i now know why my sis has been such a pain in the ass. :P

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  72. I'll copy this article and keep for future reference.

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  73. A good educational course for we guys, now I can understand better how my wife and daughter go thru when their aunties turn up.
    Keep it up ......
    My favourite drink is tea and everytime I have tea, now having 2nd thought.

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  74. lol but i still prefer my own style of having 1 night pad + 2 maxi pad for night use. yes 3-in-1 =p for extra coverage hahahaha...

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  75. classic teabag joke!

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  76. Hillarious .... you go gurl .. i cant stop laughing my way out .. at my cubicle ...boy, i never thought it could be resemlence of waterfalls , after all these years .

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  77. well juz to make u gurlz out thr feel better bout being emm...gurlz....there's a small info i wanna share which i learnt during my physio class...
    The reb blood cell (RBC) lives only for 120 days before it is replaced by new once.. now the role of these RBCs are to supply oxygenated blood to other cells of d body..
    since we gurls loose some amount of blood every 28 days, our RBCs are renewed every 28 days unlike guys who only get them replaced every 120 days...therefore we get a good, young and vibrant RBCs transporting oxygen rather than old and worn our RBCs....
    see!!!

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  78. Like this entry.....good job.

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  79. funny and informative

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  80. Lucifer_Kaizer2/7/08 1:59 AM

    1. wow...very informative! I still remember my ex gf asked me to get pads for her...I was panic as hell...i mean, if u are a girl working in pharmacy shop,n a guy suddenly appears n buys pads, what will ur 1st impression? "eee..this guy wears it???"...i quickily bought 2 bags of different versions (max and nite guard with wings) n my ex gf thanks me for being so brave n caring....haha..nice times...
    2. Fun fact: did u know some guys uses womens' pads also? Some guys hv er...forget the scientific word...something about unable to control bladder thing..after urinating but still hv drips, and are to ashamed to use adult diapers, so they used womens' pads instead since they're so discreet...i came across a blog about this awhile ago....but i simply browse thru it....

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  81. Well it's probably a bit late to comment on this thread, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, both for informational and amusement purposes! This is a great post for boys and girls alike! =D Cheers.

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  82. I inclination not approve on it. I regard as warm-hearted post. Especially the title-deed attracted me to read the intact story.

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