I just want to be alone

My mom has checked into the hospital today.

Tomorrow is the night before her major spinal cord surgery.

She's hitting her big six o in two weeks time.

I don't ask for anything.

If there is a god out there, if you can hear me crying now, listen to my prayers, please. I don't want anything for Christmas, New Year, or Chinese New Year. I don't want anything for the rest of my life if that's what it takes.

All I want is just to be able to celebrate my mom's 60th birthday with her. And her 61st, 62nd...etc if god allows.

I'm just not ready, really I'm not. I'm not strong enough...

to live a life without her.