How Do Couples Keep the “Spark” Alive In Their Relationships?

I agree 95% of what you've posted.

Alright let me be the first. I've been looking forward to this post since you and kenny started the HUGO campaign. I counldnt agree more with all your do and dont. I personally have been through such a senario where by things get so routine, one party got bored and tired and here I am being single again.

So the most important rule in a relationship is dont make it a routine. A relationship should be filled with surprises, lots of love(some chocolate, nicole would love this),understanding, and last but not lease please give each other some space in between. I admit that guys sometime love to be manja too. So we are not that macho after all.

oops, I just finish typing and someone is already ahead of me with one simple line

play a romantic music on the piano together after dinner.. with candles light, drinking red wine and dance under the full moon... (axeor2002@yahoo.co.uk)

Hey Nic,

Firstly, the usual comments on your previous entry. Without makeup, you look like how God intended beauty to be (and not Loreal or Estee Lauder). If you existed during pre-historic times, you would definitely be clubbed by many cavemen and brought back :)

Anyway, I was tossing between giving you textbook opinions, romantic opinions or simply the truth (well, my truth anyway). Like what they say, truth always prevails. Keeping the sparks alive in a long term relationship is really tough, as most married couple will testify, but I feel that whats most important is to set our expectations right from the very first moment. You realise that its the media that protrays how we need to be romantic all the time, how we need to get something from our partners; else move on, how sex is such a huge deal in a relationship. Whilst these are important, I feel that REALLY understanding each other, how we can grow with each other, edify each other, compliment and complement each other helps to keep the sparks. I guess the key point I am trying to drive across is not to have expectations. Should girls expext guys to buy flowers for them? Should guys expect girls to cook for them?

We need to identify that one special person as our companion for life and to keep it real!! Read in an article somewhere that our choices of the opposite sex are so vast and many these days, that its ALMOST impossible to just settle with one for life. It makes us have this niggling thought that there is always someone better, hotter, younger etc for me out there. Shallow, but how true for our generation now.

A good sum up to all these would be what my grandpa told me once. The secret to longevity in a relationship is to "Grow Old Together". Make the world of you and your partner yours and yours only. Dont let anyone else in, cause its sacred. Share thoughts, comments, gossips, love, problems, health issues, opinions, complains, intimacy with each other only. Have your own private world and grow it. When my grandma passed away, my grandpa's many inner thoughts and stories left as well; but he never shared it with anyone else, cause he said that it belonged to only grandma and him. Now, wouldn't all of us want someone like that in our lives?

Cheers!
sli_ung79@yahoo.com

Never take each other for granted is absolutely right!

I was in a relationship last year which sadly did not last very long, but i suppose it was good while it lasted. Relationships, like they say, is chemistry. A and B meets, reacts and lets off sparks. But after a while, the reactions slows down and begins to stop. And you gotta induce something to trigger it. Hehe

I believe one way is to be old fashioned and date. You might ask yourself, if you're a couple, isn't that called dating? When i was first with this guy whom i shall name X, the first few months were magical. We were college students back then and couldn't afford all the luxurious treats but we went out for mamak sessions, movies, and he charmed me with his surprises every now and then. But soon after that i think both of us took each other for granted, thinking that we're there for each other and we would ALWAYS love each other no matter what...but we didn't go out as often anymore. We'd meet in college, talk, stay back a lil while after but that was it. Needless to say, the flame turned into a flicker and eventually died. )=

We realised what was going on and for a while then, no one dared to take the initiative of reigniting the flame. Long and dreadful weeks followed after that...with all the awkwardness between us but X and I finally talked about it. Deep down inside we knew that theres a place there for one another and we began to go on those spontaneous dates again.

With the dating scenario also comes naturally the sprucing of our looks. Taking each other for granted after all this while, we tend not to care about how we act/look anymore. But with dates, we'll go all frantic about our hair, clothes and everything again. It's like letting your other half catch a glimpse of the person they first fell in love with :D and also why they fell in love with you. Our relationship never lasted till today though because of LDR but thats another story all together..

It also comes down to the point that couples have to be honest with each other. Their feelings and all. If your flame with your significant other is dying, but you know that you don't want it to, speak up! Be honest and talk to him/her about it. I've heard of many relationships which didnt go so well but both the guy and girl still has a thing or each other.

yay enough rambling for now. (=

sandra.wee@gmail.com

I am not here to win any perfume.

After reading the series of your post and Kenny as well, I am sorry to say that Kenny is a better writer.

He writes better from someone who has been there, done that.

As for Nicole, you used bombastic words but they don't come close to our hearts.

For me the best time to bond with my partner is when we go traveling.

The destination is not really important. The most important factor is the person we go with. So if we go with our gf/bf of course we'll be happy.

Imagine the things we can do together. Maybe lie on the beach and enjoy the sound of the waves and the stars above the sky.

Or maybe even a meal together will give a spark to the relationship.

Hurm.. Keeping the 'spark' alive can get quite difficult after there is nothing new to look forward to in a relationship. But just because you've already hit base, doesn't mean that you've seen all there is to see about him or her. People are different and so are their qualities. Sometimes, these qualities are hidden and you never get a chance to see your partner’s full character.

For many couples living in a city (like K.L.) and sharing an apartment, work is very important. (coz it pays the rent). And so, couples only have after work hours to spend time with each other.

After a while, things may seem to get boring because everything rotates like it’s following some sort of schedule or something.

By the time a year passes, you might get just plain bored of coming home everyday knowing exactly what going to happen. You will know exactly how your girl is going lure you into the bedroom, you will know exactly how she is going to stand by the door and stare into your eyes, mentally overpowering you and pulling you closer to her before she even does it. It’s become a routine.

If this keeps on going then the 'spark' will definitely be smothered by a wet blanket.

In my opinion, in order to keep the sparks going, you have to put your selves in situation you wouldn’t usually be in. Situations where you would need to rely on each other to get through. Take some time off to do something exciting!

For example, taking a trip together would be the perfect chance to see the hidden person inside your partner. I’m not talking about an all expenses paid trip where all you have to do is board a bus and see the sites from an air-conditioned coach. I’m talking about something a little more adventurous, like backpacking, or doing river kayaking or white water rafting (for the really adventurous ones). If a couple were on a backpacking trip, they would really have to pitch in, and work with each other to make the journey easy and enjoyable.

Now when this happens, your partner’s qualities will shine through, and we will then realize/remember why you fell in love with that person in the first place. You will also get to see your partner’s special hidden qualities, things that you didn’t know about your partner. And it will be like getting to know each other all over again (well a different side of each other). Now it’s true that you will also see your partner’s poorer qualities, but nobody is perfect! So don’t focus on each others faults so much. Instead, look at all the things you have accomplished BECAUSE your partner was standing there with you, and supporting you all the way.

This way, the sparks will keep sparkling away! After a couple more years, who knows.. you might decide to marry her. But marriage is another story, for another day.


I hope this will help some of those couples out there who feel that they have lost their spark. And Nicole enjoys reading this as much as I enjoy reading her blogs. ^^

My email
> abubakar88@hotmail.com
> abubakar88@gmail.com

correction>> and i hope* nicole enjoys reading this as much as i enjoy reading her blogs

Dear "Kenny is better",

Its pretty idiotic to compare them both. Even if he has better writing style, it doesnt matter. And Nic shouldnt need to compete with anyone as well, simply cause its her blog. Blogging your own thoughts shouldnt need to be compared with other's blogs / thoughts.

Sigh sigh.

kenny is better: well, you can consider my tips, or leave it. I'm sure Kenny will be flattered to hear what you say. :)

i would enjoy ur blog more if only u post less of keny's pixs. he aint 'leng chai' u know. i would describe him as tua pui or tai chek kong....kekekekeke

Hold her hand and kiss her hand out of the blue.

Dance even it it's only in your living room.

Plant sweet (non-lusty) kisses on her forehead, eyelids, nose and lips.

your post on this topic aint interesting

I think these days it's pretty vague, this thing we call love.I used to think sparks exist. Those hot blooded passionate stuff we read in trashy romance novels.I guess I was wrong.

Through relationships I've learnt that respect is of utmost importance in a relationship.A man who values your opinion. A man who makes a change just to see you smile. A man who puts aside his worries to listen to you rant.

It's not the grand gestures that keep the sparks in a relationship but the little things he does.

When he notices your aching feet after a day's of shopping in high heels and runs off to buy foot plasters, then gives you a foot rub.

When he sees you tired after work, so he cooks you a scrumptious meal.

When he willingly accompanies you to stand in line for hours to collect goodie bags and even records shows in his phone for you to watch in case of boredom

When you tell him that you don't see him often enough so he takes a day off his work to give you some alone time.

When he doesn't act like a male chauvinistic pig and sincerely listens to your opinions and thoughts.

When you make him do all the heavy lifting, chauffeuring,and he dedicates himself to your servitude without a word of complain that triggers all sorta guilt signals in you.

Best of all, when you apologize and ask him why he's willing to be subjected to such torture, out of the blue he says

"Cause I love you" ( Cheesy but still :P cant help smiling when you hear it)

P/s enjoy reading both yours and kenny's blogs.

That is a tough question.

For me, I have been married for only 6 years and have known my husband for just 9 years. I find that my feelings for my hubby have evolved over time, from the butterfly in the tummy excitement to the solid comforting security it now gives me. He is still my idol and I am his number 1 fan.

I would say that what you can do to keep the spark alive depends very much on the stage of your life and if kids are in the picture. We have 2 young kids – 4 and 2 years old, and at this point they are the main sparks in our life and marriage. There are not that many things that we do that do not involve our kids. So hubby and I have become resourceful to create “our time” as we spend it with our kids during “family time”. Example:
When we take the kids to the park or the beach, we take it that it is also “our time”.

My hubby and I work about 400 km away from each other. I work full time and manage my kids at home in the evenings on weekdays. Hubby comes home on the weekends. We have made a pact that weekends are strictly reserved for family, and as such we do not log on to check our emails unless it is absolutely necessary. Even if it is, we would only do it after the kids and spouse is asleep as we put our family as our priority.

Whilst I do not necessarily think that my family arrangement is an ideal situation, I have become more appreciative of the limited time he has at home with the kids and I. We try to spend quality time with our kids and fill their days with fun activities so that they remember time with their parents as fun times.

I sometimes visit my hubby for the weekend, and it is then that we do stuff that we have always wanted to do and behave like newlyweds (censored!).

Our weekly marketing routine has also become “our time”. Whilst the kids are in bed, we are up at the crack of down to the wet market so that we can have as much time to ourselves as possible.

Hubby and I also try to catch a movie once in a while (it is a luxury) provided the kids cooperate by sleeping early, we get my parents to baby sit us before we sneak out for a midnight movie. During that time, we just really enjoy each other’s company, hold hands throughout the movie and share a pop corn. Best of all, at the end of the movie, we get to go home and plonk to bed in each other’s arms.

With modern technology, keeping in touch is inexpensive. Hubby and I talk a few times a day, and we make it a point to call each other back immediately if have we missed each other’s calls. This tells our spouse that he / she is important.

We also do simple things for each other. He still washes my car whilst I wash his stinky tennis socks. Yes, he is allowed his own “man time” – he gets to play tennis with the boys on Sunday afternoons whilst the kids nap. As such no family time is lost. It is a matter of reorganizing the time. And Kenny, you are right; he comes home a nicer man after getting his week’s stress out on the tennis court.

My “me time” is shopping. We still get to spend time together … hubby comes along to manage the kids and also prepare to swipe this credit card!

Do I look like I have it all down to a pat? No, it takes a great deal of work and commitment but since it never fails to warm our hearts when we see old folks still holding hands and gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes at 80 years old, we are determined to get there as well.

coming out from a LDR...
it definitely takes a lot more efforts to keep the sparks flying.
I think surprise is the most important element to keep the relationship hot. You'll never know whats gonna happen next and it makes everything exciting.
So, my suggestion is to surprise ur partner in anyway u can think of. Even the simplest gesture such as delivering flowers will do the trick. If u want to make it more fancy, u can always deliver them to her office in person dressing up as the delivery guy.
Point is, it can be something simple or something big, fancy...doesnt matter its the effort that counts.

and the dont let ur partner see u get dress part is such a LIE =p

There�s no doubt that once you have been in a long relationship, either you or your partner or even both tend to take each other for granted.

Gone were the challenges to win his/her affection. Goodbye romance and walking under the starry skies. Sex becomes something you have to put up with once in a while and therefore sayonara orgasm.

For those lucky ones out there, sparks are ignites everyday of their life! I don�t know how they can achieve that. There must be a power supplies somewhere that enables you to have constants sparks in your relationship. Could it be in a form of a battery? A pill? Powdered milk? (Do you happen to know where I can get some?)

For me and my husband, we�ve been together for almost 7 years and I don�t think �sparks� is enough to waken us up from our comfort (and dull) zone. We need mega watts of electrical jolts to liven us up!

Yes, after a while, we get too comfortable with each other that life becomes so mundane as my grandmother�s faded blue underwear.

However, I�m a romantic. My husband knows that since Historical Romance is my all time favorite type of books to read. If that is not good enough to make him notice then I guess a big whack by a gigantic sledgehammer is the only way to rouse him from his Mars idealistic mind.

Prince Charming in this new era need more than a fire-breathing dragon to get them to take some actions. So it is up to me to take the initiative to add romance back in our department.

Since both of us are working, our morning routines become� too routine, if you know what I mean. When the alarm went off, and we dragged our sluggish body out of the bed to shower and get ready for work. The pattern is the same day after day.

So one day, I set our alarm an hour early. When it rang, I washed myself a bit and snuggled back in bed, hugging him from behind and drop few wet and cold kisses on his neck and trail it on his cheek. And after that� well, I�ll leave you to your imagination.

One thing for sure, it makes our morning more cheerful and surprisingly energetic.
From then on, it becomes one of our **ahem** morning activities. Since sex produce endorphins, moods are lighter and he gets very cheeky after a hot shower and would flirt and teased me while I try to be modest on putting on my clothes.

Spending quality time is very essential to a relationship. That is why I insist (check out that Queen Control word) that we take one day in a week to spend it together. No telephone. No mother in laws nagging at the back. No boss calling you for work. No text message from friends. Nothing. Nada. Just the two of us. We can just watch TV together. Or sit by the park with his arms around me. Or we would walk by the beach hand in hand. Being close together without any interruption from people around you, creates a silent bond that you can�t simply buy at a pharmacy (believe me, I�ve looked).

Once a month, we�d go shopping together. He�d look for clothes that he think would look nice on me and get me to try it on. If he likes it, he�d buy it for me and vice versa. Sometimes, the things he get for me are quite naughty that (sigh!) I can only use at home and for his eyes only. But it�s sweet. At least I know he have taste (he choose me now didn�t he? If that doesn�t count for taste than my dear, you need your eyes check)

Sometimes I surprise him by sending him small gifts to his office. By now his office table has a pink bunny magnet, a mug that says �I am naughty only to my Honey�, a pot of plant, a hippo beanie, a figurine of Tony Hawk (for him to maintain his masculine status), a twisted and bended pencil holder, and many more.

In return, he�d text me his thanks. Hmmm so much for the effort huh? But I know he appreciate it. And he�d show it by sending me mushy love letters/emails once in a while (when he gets around to do it that is) and I�d embarrassed him by gushing over it as if I never receive love letters before.

I agree it takes two to tango. Both have to commit but before hand, both have to have an understanding that it is essential to create sparks in the relationship.

Not many partners are that open to this. They are either in denial that the relationship needs some sparks or they are too comfortable in their situation that to them it is meaningless to do anything.

Sadly, a lot of people fall to this category. This makes the other partner feels unloved, fugly and bored.

That is why communication is the first thing to establish before taking any action. Unless you�re the type that enjoys being taken for granted then by all means, full speed ahead I say.

Remember, �I rub your back, you rub my back and both of us will have a clean back�

Cheers!

balqizmj@yahoo.com

I dun really know how to start therefore what i write should be quite random. Here goes, I have been in a relationship for almost four years now. In a relationship there is always something that you don't like or get annoyed with the other partner, i normally tell couples who are in deep shit situation that in a relationship is "you changing yourself for your partner and vice versa" not "trying to change your partner to your liking". So with that every end of the year me and my partner would spend about half an hour too 1 hour writing down what was the best or happiest moment about our relationship for the past year and also writing things that we didn't quite like about each other and hoping that we could work to improve it next year. Women often say men cant read there hints of what they want, and i really do agree with it so what you want just say..what you don't like also can just say but make sure its at the appropriate moment. So with writing the happy moments and the bad moments it gives us time to reflect back at what went wrong?, how could we improve it? and the best part is it gives each other the chance to explain why we acted in such a way at that time. I can tell you that what you thought was nothing back then was actually something big to your partner and you just didn't know or realize it until now. Now to add spices, because Nicole said women love flowers and i am allergic to flowers, therefore i once substitute that with a bouquet of little tiny stuff toys in a form a a bouquet of flowers. I can tell you, ppl around seeing what you give to your girl makes them super super jealous and of course your partner feels extra extra special.

p/s: nice dress Nicole

derekvoon@gmail.com

My bf and I have been together for about 5 years and counting now (4 years in uni & 1 in highschool.. yes.. we broke up in btwn). For all the 4 years in uni, our relationship has been purely long distance. We study in uni's which are on the opposite ends of the map and it doesn't help when train ticket prices and the local currency here keep going up. Despite everything, we have done almost everything to keep the flame alive (note: we both have an understanding that this relationship is for LONG term). Talking on the phone before sleeping, skyping each other everyday and leaving it on so I'm typically part of his everyday life, doing all the standard couple-ey stuff (being truthfull, thoughtfull, caring, continously helping to better each other, dates, bla bla bla..). But from time to time we DO do some special things to overcome the distance:

a) We have this policy of HANDMADE gifts only! So for every event or occasion there is we ALWAYS MAKE gifts for each other. It's more meaningfull this way and it's also easier on our student pockets. This pushes me to be creative in so many ways and the things I have received from him just makes me appreaciate him even more!

b) When my bf is finally able to come up to my side of the map I'll make an effort to turn my room into a romantic sit down picnic/dinner complete with the blankets and makeshift table/box, dimmed lights, romantic music and of course the special food which I slave over a good chunk of the day to make.

c) Sometimes my bf is so random when we're together. There was once he just grabbed my hand, told me to put on some warm clothes and took me out in the dead of winter so that we could dance under the stars with his ipod as the music. (my personall dream~)

d) Occasionally I bake all sorts of cookies and biscuits, pack em up and send it down to him when I know he's having a particularly rough time in school.

e) And the best of all, I once lied to him I would be going on a road trip to somewhere when in reality I was going down to see him! It was a totally unexpected surprise as I had gotten a friend to drive me down. Once there I cahooted with a friend there to pretend that she had twisted her ankle and she needed his help to get back to her room (where I was waiting). The look of shock on his face was worth all the pain and effort. (Actually I have down this TWICE and each time I have always gotten a good reaction. Cos I'd either arrive really early in the morning or really late at night!~)

But all these things above are just so superficial compared to everytime we fight or when I make him sad or vice versa. Because everytime we fight we become even closer than before despite what everyone thinks! So in reality, fighting is good for us! I personally believe a couple that doesnt fight at all have some serious issues. (ok I'm rambling now.. typing is so addictive..-_-)

Understanding and talking goes a long way.. But I'm sure everyone knows that already~~

ijmnlee@gmail.com

Nice post. Thing is some gals only like flowers the special someone give. Other than that it's actually a form of rejection.

We girls will never get tired of hearing our guy tell us,"I love you." =)

Yes..flowers(big bouquet of roses please), champagnes, candle light dinners, formal suits, "I LOVE YOU!" But guess what? we always says,"No, i dont want my boyfriend to do that, it's very useless, plus, the flowers will wilt, totally useless!"(I always says that to my friends, haha) But, THAT IS WHAT WE ONE!!
And trust me, some girls tried to create the "SPark" in their relationship by creating enviness (Example: pretend to go out with some other guys), this may work by chance and luck only. Untrained couples, please dont do that. Really!

I had read both Kenny's and Nicole's blogs. Both blogs have their own individualities of each gender preferences in general.

Keeping the sparks alive in the relationship is like 'making the effort to get the best of Black Jack (21)=card games'. My intention is that after studying couples, talking with them, theories and non-theories......Most of the comments here have spoken for themselves. The rules which they have always tell me:

1.Always fall in love again with your partner.(like the first time you fell in love with him/her)

2.Make sure that there is no SECRETS whether good or bad :'Couple World'. Meaning don't hold back on each other even when at the worst case scenario eg. loss of job, self-esteem. Guys need their partners to hold them when they are at their weakest points.

3.RESPECT & TRUST each other : COMMUNICATE (talk honestly) when the kids are sleeping, 'couple time', 'ahem' time,.....etc...about anything from gossips, relatives, friends, etc....

4.Have YOU asked yourself WHY have YOU FALLEN IN LOVE with HIM/HER? WE are not the ideal HERO/HEROINE in those romance novels. WE are not PERFECT, so does YOUR PARTNER who has flaws as well as in good qualities..........It is a matter of GIVE and TAKE.

5.What makes SPARKS FLY is when BOTH PARTNERS are DOING their BEST to make their MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP WORKS.....Speaking from listening from couples. They told me these few simple rules.

mgg_chang@yahoo.com

Having being in a long-term relationship myself, I do agree that keeping the sparks alive in a relationship is may be challenging. Usually at the beginning of the relationship, everything seems to be smooth sailing and the guy would treat you like a princess, buy you gifts, take you to a fancy restaurant, surprises you when you least expect, call you everyday. As time goes by, it would seem like both parties are doing the same routine over and over again. It can be pretty boring. And the worst thing is, the guy no longer treats you the same when he first dating you.

Having being in a first relationship, meaning you started dating the one and only guy since high school, it may be difficult because you tend to meet up with other guys along the way. In order to keep the relationship strong, being in love and not get distracted plays an important role. And thus, here come the question - “How do couple keep the sparks alive in their relationship?”.

1. Picking up new hobbies and trying something new
If your partner enjoy doing sports and you’re not an athletic person, it would definitely help if you yourself take up the challenge and do it together. Guys like girls who take up challenges, same goes to opposite. For example, if your partner enjoys badminton, it would be good if you can pick up badminton as well and both of you spend time together sharing the same sport. Rather than, I’m going badminton in the morning, I will see you in the afternoon. Why not let it be, let’s go badminton together?
2. Switching role
We girls usually think that whenever guy date us, the guy should be the one paying for our meals, spending money on movie tickets, buying clothes. Guy would definitely appreciate if the girl would at least offers to pay the bill instead. Being understanding and taking up responsibility really turn guys on.
3. Honesty, trust and respect
Honesty, trust and respect are the most important element every couple should have in a relationship. Very common, we say that both parties should always be honest with each other and never keep secrets. But at times, there are certain things that are meant to keep as secret, e.g. your best friend problems, etc. And by not telling your partner, he/she should always respect your decision with trust.
4. Do things together
Once in a while, it would be nice to suggest something new to do. E.g., ice-skating, batik panting, foot reflexology, go travel somewhere and get lost together, just to name a few. It would definitely be fun to try something new. It’s never boring.
5. Compliment each other
Both male and female always like to be compliment. Don’t you agree? Even though you (guy) compliment us every single day, we will never get tired of your compliments. Same goes with guys, I’m sure. Compliments are one way of showing how much you adore a person.
6. Surprise them
You probably think that you have done it a lot of time when you start dating each other. But even small surprises would brighten up someone’s day. Who doesn’t love surprises? Suggest going somewhere without any proper planning, e.g. driving up to genting on a one day trip.
7. Never take things or each other for granted
Always show your appreciation whenever your partner does something for you. A simple “Thank you” would make them appreciate you more even though you may say we both know each other so well, so it won’t be necessary. Well, that’s not the way. Another example, if your partner is living in PJ for instance and you’re living in Ampang, it would definitely be nice if both parties can take turn to drive over to each other place (provided that both have cars).
8. Keep in touch
No matter where you are, your partner would definitely love to hear from you. Keeping in touch through phone, SMS, MSN, emails, whatever that is would bring you closer to that person. But you may say, both of you will surely get bored of each other by the end of the day or worry that he/she thinks that you disturbing him/her. I don’t agree with that. Sometimes by hearing your partner voice would make you fall in love with him/her all over again.
9. Treasures every moment together
I’m not sure about guys, but me as a girl usually likes to bring up some good old memories that we shared together. Sometimes, I will just ask my boyfriend, “do you still remember the day we first met?”. Yes, at times it may be embarrassing to bring up, but it does shows that you really treasures those moments. It does bring both of you closers, by recalling all the good old days. *Really sweet*

Celine - celine_yap@yahoo.co.uk

I think the following two gender based points will sum up nicely what guys and girls want from each others in order to keep the sparks alive:

For guys to girls: Leave us alone!
For girls to guys: Don't leave us alone!

Yap. Six ++ years of relationship tought me this. (Not happy ending though. Read the ending)

Girls: When guys want to be alone, give them some space. Let them finish whatever they need to do, even if he is just playing video game! You are not his mom.

Guys: When a girls wants someone to talk to, by all means, listen to them! Put down your console if you have to! They are not video game, you cannot pause them and resume later.

Hmm... a paradox isn't it? Who has more priority????? NOT REALLY. First come first serve. If the guy is in the middle of the game already, don't disturb him. Wait and talk to him when he finishes. And guys, when your girl wants to talk to you, you better let them finish before you start switching on your ps3!

This should keep your relationship alive for a very long time. OK. Differences in ambition can still kill a relationship. --- that's my other story.

Hee

kuatpin@yahoo.com

What if your dad brought back flower instead of the required vege for your mum to cook? I suppose there will be flame instead of spark...hahaha

man the more this hugo advertorial continues the funnier things get loool. never get dressed in front of ur man? whoa. ok just never thought of that. interesting.

What keep the spark in a relationship?

I think, in order to keep the "spark" in a relationship, we have to :

1.Spend QUALITY time not quantity.Although quantity may come in handy quite often. But, spending too much time with each other often makes the relationship dull and predictable. Believe me, I've been there and I couldnt stand it having to make myself see my bf when I rather have some time to myself or some time to hang out with my girlfriends.

2.Be mysterious. Perhaps do something unexpected. Like, I'm not the type who says, "I love you" often. And, I like to write love poems so that he knows and can be reassured about how I feel though I dont express it often. Cause saying it often makes it overated and meaningless.

3.Being nice. Like, giving him a massage after he had a long day, cook for him, buy him a gift...etc..

4.Give each other enough space. Its really ironic but I have never ever have enough space from my bf. I seem to have possesive bfs. And the only time I actually miss my bf is when I'm away from him. It is only then I appreaciate the times when he was around. So, a bit of space is always good.

5.Maintain the image you had when you first fell for each other. Cause if thats what that attracted you, it wil be certainly something that will be able to keep the relationship going.

6.And most importantly, honesty. No matter how much the truth hurts, it hurts more when it comes out later. Lesser pain now, greater pain when you think it's best to hide and then one day the other person finds out and gets heartbroken.

Well, thats my 2 cents... =)

OMG, love every little bits of this chocolate lady! Thanks to Kenny, I found Nicole.

Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction. ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

well, the truth is, it's nice to buy gifts, get a hobby and such, but what i truly believe is the fact that our perspective made what we think a reality. for example, if you've seen the guy more often than not in his overdue clothes, faced his dirty habits and his annoying nature; then you'll be thinking only of his negativity and forgets how awesome he was when you first met him.

what you should do is instead of looking at the bad side of him, list down instead the positive things you loved about him and compliment him when you see him.

for example,
if he remembers to do the dishes, then compliment him for being so thoughtful and rewards him. when people feel appreciated, they tend to serve you more and sooner than you can imagine, both of u would be complimenting each other and forget the bad habits of the other. it works even after a long time. it helps cultivate good communication and everyone loves a good compliment every once in a while!

* you can also compliment on his looks just as you first saw him and thought how good looking he is! remember the memories!

this goes vive versa. :D :D

carissa_heydude@yahoo.com

whisperer said...
What if your dad brought back flower instead of the required vege for your mum to cook? I suppose there will be flame instead of spark...hahaha

WTF, apa cakap lu?? balik kampong lar lu. bodoh!!

I STRONGLY disagree on your point 3, Nicole.

NOT ALL GIRLS like flowers!

I don't like flowers, but this doesnt mean that im not girl! I just born dislike flowers, as simple as that.

To me flowers is meaningless beside beautify'ng places. Its perfectly used for decoration during wedding ceremony!

UNLESS you were saying "A moment of Romantic"...
YES, JUST a stock of rose does helps to romantic the whole candle light dinner. BUT remember its not a bouquet of flowers okie!


AND...In overseas at least flowers are commonly smells good, but in ....., all flowers terriblly smell!!!

anoneh of 10:15 AM,
You've been hounding me for some time. That is a mad dog symptom. Are you suffering from rabies? Go get help, no need to question the worthiness first :D

He is a divemaster,
I am a Junior college teacher,
I learn dving for him,
And he listen to my neverending ramblings on pathetic teenagers,
I donno how the sparks stay, it kinda just happen cause we make time for each other and we listen. Thats of upmost important

As for Nicole, you used bombastic words but they don't come close to our hearts. <--- Nicole is a careless person with words and feelings. She has no experience about falling in love, like she said in her last post - wonder why she is still single. She speaks from her head and books she read not her heart!

Beebee: You're obviously NOT LIKE ALL GIRLS or you would've understand what Nicole meant lol.

Its not about the flowers! Of course flowers are useless, they just rot n die after a coupla weeks. Its about knowing your guy is willing to do something sweet for you hoping that you like it. And then all the girls in your office will be envious you've such a sweet bf and you'll bask in happiness for the rest of of the day. Get it?

1) Hug On The Night = Girls love his hug on the cold night and feel so safety to sleep all night long without scare of the ghost or other thing. Of cos better with dress on. So that u still can made he feel u are so attractive. For those that still haven't married, better don't stay his house too usual or else he will feel nothing special. Keep the distance for one or two week once, except u already married.
2)Bear bear = Girls like bears instead of flowers too. Buy the most biggest most better. And i will love him as how biggest the bears he gave to me.
3)Dessert = What is the dessert that we girls love so much? I love ice cream my self. He will bring me go having my lovely dessert. And feed each others with the flavor that we have choose. Of course we not always go eat the dessert. But only that "sometimes" made me feel the moment is so special.
4) BreakFast/Lunch/Dinner Together = Tell her that you will breakfast/lunch/dinner with her together no matter how far the distance between your house and her house. Wake up early if you need to rush for the work and go breakfast with her instead. She will be so touched and feel that you are care person. And don't ever mention about the car oil is expensive.
5)Pet = I like cat and i wish can play with cat when i was at his house. So why don man also have a pet that his girlfriend like. I like the dog he own and he like the cat that i own. So we have a fun to take our pet to walk around, exercise, walk on the beach together. Well it feel so good when i and he try to pull the dog together when we exercise. And hug the cat when we on the bed before sleep.

Sorry forget to add my email address. yukiphang82@hotmail.com

walk around naked? hmmm you called that romantic?

1) Hug On The Night = Girls love his hug on the cold night and feel so safety to sleep all night long without scare of the ghost or other thing. Of cos better with dress on. So that u still can made he feel u are so attractive. For those that still haven't married, better don't stay his house too usual or else he will feel nothing special. Keep the distance for one or two week once, except u already married.

2)Bear bear = Girls like bears instead of flowers too. Buy the most biggest most better. And i will love him as how biggest the bears he gave to me.

3)Dessert = What is the dessert that we girls love so much? I love ice cream my self. He will bring me go having my lovely dessert. And feed each others with the flavor that we have choose. Of course we not always go eat the dessert. But only that "sometimes" made me feel the moment is so special.

4) BreakFast/Lunch/Dinner Together = Tell her that you will breakfast/lunch/dinner with her together no matter how far the distance between your house and her house. Wake up early if you need to rush for the work and go breakfast with her instead. She will be so touched and feel that you are care person. And don't ever mention about the car oil is expensive.

5)Pet = I like cat and i wish can play with cat when i was at his house. So why don man also have a pet that his girlfriend like. I like the dog he own and he like the cat that i own. So we have a fun to take our pet to walk around, exercise, walk on the beach together. Well it feel so good when i and he try to pull the dog together when we exercise. And hug the cat when we on the bed before sleep.

yukiphang82@yahoo.com

Well, here is my stories. I am a single mother now. Yeah i divorce. My ex husband was thrown into the jail. In his period inside the jail, i feel alone when he is not try to understand. That time my baby was only 4 month. I just 18 years old. What a 18 years old girl can do to take care for the child with her own. When i was start to work in one Japanese company, I knew a guys who become my bf right now. He knew all my past, and accept it with his heart. That i known cos he will never ever try to speak those thing out when we were argue. He is responsible for everything i need, take care of my baby needs. And also as a name of father for my baby and husband for me. It not a simple thing to walk out with a single mother name when other will try to asking your past when you try to forget. He is from a rich family and his father known as famous person. Well it hard to inform his family about i had a baby at the first. But when he tell his family about my baby, he cries.That prove to his family, that he really love me. His family agree we together. Well love is unforgettable. When you can forgive your love of everything he/she had done. Accept he/she with all the heart.

yukiphang82@yahoo.com

sparks?....maa...

me n my bf used to be the best friends ever...well....bestfriends means i can drag him whenever i want n so was he...we had so much fun when we`re friends...tak pernah terpikir that we`re sumday are going to fall for each other...
during the `friend` time...i used to help him confessing to a friend that he used to like before...i even delivered a special present to the girl.by hand.
sparks happened because he was (and is) too sweet with me...he bought a boxful of mixed chocs just for me(after i kinda ask lor.yup..chocs have its way~) but not for the girl he liked..
now...we r in long distance relationship.but he still managed to keep my heart fluttering...like quoting romantic songs n singging em...cooked dinner for me...macam2 la...samapai x tertulis....

well...4 me...to keep the sparks...
1-CHOCS
2-flowers~~~~
3-try to do sumthing unexpected.
4-sumtimes...try to surpise him with sumthing if possible handmade/homemade...

im off to finish a hand knitted mafla for him~~wheeee~~~~


red_claw_ai@yahoo.com

RE: Point 4.

While I agree that many women enjoy sentimental gestures, I actually know some women who really don't want flowers as gifts.

They much prefer something they can use or wear. You know, practical stuff.

Some of these women are my personal friends so I know they are not "just saying it".

Like they say, it's not a wise thing to generalise. Just because you like it, don't mean that all women like it :)

Dear Nicole,

Being married for almost 9 years, and a young (rushed marriage) at that, I can tell you that my husband and I are very much together, and sappier than ever before.

Why?

1) Absence really does make the heart fonder. He works overseas. (Guys, leave the country for a few months...guarantee the gal will miss you more...if she loves you :D)

2) Whenever he is home, we do everything together except use the loo. We talk about everything, and hit the gym together. Catch movies, dine out...

3) Every once in a while, we have a nice fight/argument. If we have a problem with each other, we're not shy to tell each other...sometimes with a lot of dramatic walking-away-then-reconciling.

Do I ever mind this? No. A good fight clears the air, and at the end of the day, we know we love each other deeply. After all, isn't it true that extreme emotions aren't all positive? The feelings are genuine because we care. And so everything is real. Hurt. Anger. Happiness. Sadness. Joy.

4) Diamonds are a girl's best friend. When we were younger, perfume, home made cards, a ride on a nice big motorcycle...those kept the sparks going.

Now that we're older, I find nothing sparkles so much as rocks ;) Yeah... gifts are good, but gifts that mature as you age... those are signs of a well-aging relationship. A man who knows the way to your heart, is a man you'll follow to the grave.

Does he send flowers? No. Does he send chocolates? No. Does he take me on a shopping spree? Dine in a fancy restaurant? Plan a hotel stay in a fancy suite?

No. I am a tech geek. Apple Macintosh. Nokia N-series. PDAs. iPods. And sparkly rocks.

Nothing keeps the spark alive, as knowing he knows you best. And you know him in return.

So, to recap: Love hard, fight hard, play hard, and live every day like it's a gift for two. Give as good as you get. And the spark will burn a long, long time :)

-zalinalee@gmail.com

This comment has been removed by the author.

To me, love is not as instant as a cup of Nescafe. It is a screamingly slow, foot-dragging process. I can only compare it to tiny seeeds planted in a pot which will take time to bloom into beautiful flowers. We need to take care of the plant and fertilise it occasionally. Likewise, for love to grow and SPARKLE, we need a positive attitude and to be loving, kind and caring. Not only On Valentine's Day but everyday of our lives.

I've been married to the same man for 32 years and he is my first and last love. It's easy to fall in love and but it is challenging to stay in love. Hence I believe they key ingredient to a happy relationship is LOVE - love that is unconditional and is willing to grow old with me. When there is love, respect, trust and understanding come naturally. It keeps the passion alive.

I think everyone needs to see a relationship as a sacred union that needs to be respected and guarded. Cherish your partner each day (flowers, hugs and kisses will do just fine), communicate constantly and you'll find bliss for the rest of your life.

In the end, I believe that to keep the spark alive in relationship is to cherish what and who you have instead of what and who you do not have in your life. When you begin to realise and comprehend that, not only you'll be sparkling, you'll be glowing and shining ten times more than the stars in the universe.

chiangmoigeek@yahoo.com

Spark? One of the best sparks for any marriage is to be able to laugh together - AT ourselves, AT one another and WITH one another.

How to keep the sparks alive?

for me, my hubby works offshore.. 6 weeks working, 6 weeks off n be with me.. so i don't get to see him so often.. not like most couples.. who can see each other 24/7..

when he's away, i tend to watch back the videos we took, the emails that we sent to each other throughout the whole year we've known each other, i hug his t-shirt to sleep every night, look at the pics we took n etc.. it makes me miss him.. and the absence of him makes my heart grow fonder.. just imagine not seeing him for 6 weeks and then seeing him for the 1st time after so long, it's special.. it's like meeting him for the very 1st time.. butterflies in my stomach..

but when he's around, we'd go for short trips, go for a drive n etc.. like what most couples do.. we'd go clubbing and i'd be doing a lil dirty dancing for him.. we'd get drunk and stay a night at the hotel *ahem* i'd also buy some kinky costumes to wear for him.. cook supper for him at the wee hour (3am or 4am) when he's hungry and etc..

to me, i still feel that we're still very much in a dating stage instead of a married couple.. he'd steal some kisses from me, giving me small lil pecks on my cheeks and he'd show me public affection.. he'd ALWAYS make sure that he hugs me to sleep.. n instead of asking him to wake up, i'd give morning kisses to him.. it's my way to wake him up :)

so, that's how we keep the sparks alive :)

nicole_nic81@yahoo.com

well,i guess there must be constantly new stuff to discover about each other. However,its kind of impossible to have so many things to discover about each other for a lifetime, which is why new things must be introduced into the life of a couple especially if they are married to keep the spark on and one of the personal suggestions that i would recommend a couple to learn is dancing. Not the hip-hop type but the classical dances. It definitely builds up the passion between a couple. If you watched a movie called take the lead,you'll probably get a better picture of what i am saying. Also, it would be very nice if a couple could play a piece of duet on the piano together. It would also be just as nice if one was playing the piano and the other one is blowing the saxaphone. Other than doing introducing new stuff into the lives to keep the spark on, there are also other things that couples can do. Personally, i love to do things that are pretty much out of the box as it brings much surprises and a sense of excitement to both genders. I guess its perfectly all right even if the things that they do are rather lame because more importantly, couples are seeking for the spark to keep the passion on. In fact, i know many girls that like lame stuff.lol..

lthang_88@hotmail.com

for me, i think it's important to know where the relationship is heading. if both are sure that it's suppose to b a serious long term wan, then both shud make effort to keep it strong.

they can make effort to repeat their 1st date.

they can make suprises for each other.
for example,

*man can pull together a candle light dinner at his place even tat means he buys takeout for the meal.
*they can hide small pressie in places tat their partner will find it and b suprised.

they can cuddle and talk about wat they wan for the future.

but for me, sparks are for the beginning of a relationship and when it gets more serious and mature, the trust and security tat grew and the heading of the relationship, looking forward for something beyond dinner n movie dates are more important.

babalian_gal@hotmail.com

There are certain things to take note in the world of love to relationship bliss, i.e. to keep the fire burning. Even if the fire dims, we should keep pouring in the kerosene to keep it burning, literally speaking.

It is easy to get round a man; he's dying to get round you anyway =P Treat him as the most important thing in your life, because he is! If you beg to differ, you are slipping. So don't be surprised if one fine day you come second to the hot accounts clerk in his office. Man, they say, is bigamous by nature. PTUIH! *spit spit* This phrase was coined probably by errant boyfriend/husband who couldn't find a better excuse.

One thing a man does not want is his girlfriend/wife to be the boss of the show, so what if you are the slave in the house, as long as you are the queen of his heart. If your boyfriend/husband gives you an inch, try not to be ruler [pun intended] Boyfriends/husbands like to be pampered, fussed over and loved all the time. Don't believe me? Go and ask your boyfriend/husband.

What a man hates most is a girlfriend/wife who NAGS. You never know when you are one. Take the case of a friend of mine, whose girlfriend was the sweetest thing I've seen, but all day long she asks him, "Honey, do I nag you? Have I ever nagged you? You say lah, did I ever nag you? Am I a nag, honey?"

Avoid these questions:
"And why are you late?" (He will tell you later anyway)
"And who was that girl walking next to you just now?" (The chances are the poor fella doesn't even know!)

Another thing that a boyfriend/husband does not like to broadcast to the world is that his girlfriend/wife is DUMB. So, if you have more beauty than brains,by all means show off your beauty, but do not expose your brains.

The best years of women's life are usually counted in man-hours. So, spend as much time as you can with him. Get interested in his work; there are many who are eager to.Familiarity, they say, breeds contempt, but you have assets that make familiarity a charm. Make your relationship a petting party, because a real petting party is an affair that lasts until someone gives in, gives up or gives out.

Learn to love and appreciate his friends, even if they be women friends. The more you try to keep him away from other women, the more anxious he is to run away.

Try to be broadminded even though you have been born possessive and suspicious. Don't blame yourself. Your relationship means everything to you.

Do NOT take him for granted! Remember, your boyfriend/husband likes to see you prim and proper. Of course, be the best-dressed woman around, if he can help it. But if he cannot and you insist, then God help you. Ask him for the best, and the chances are you'll get it. Faint heart never won fur.

=D

(clarenic19@yahoo.com)

i belif despite of all those u have mentioned we really shouldn't take the r'ship for granted in anyway and do place too high expectation on each other.On top of tat,assumption of small patty things most of the time tend to kill off the 'spark'.i think all these will just keep the 'spark' at all times and the r'ship to last

beautylover_qb@hotmail.com

I think one good thing to do is to give compliments to our partners once in a while. Tell her she looks good, even if you have to lie. It makes her feel good and she in turn will make you feel good at the end of the day!

Also, as a gf/bf, you have to play your cards well. You can't push a girl too hard and you can't just sit around doing nothing. I think love is a game and if you play well you win, if you don't really care or play badly, you'll lose. So, play the cards well and sincerely, you'll get the girl at the end of the day. :)

cheangyeeling@yahoo.com

This comment has been removed by the author.

This comment has been removed by the author.

What I would do to keep the sparks alive.
Give him surprises! It doesn't have to always be something bought or made. Surprise means doing something out of expectation. Do things that he doesn't presume you would. Eg. learn to cook him his favorite meal, bake him his favorite cake, massage him, get his car tyre pumped, buy him presents, shampoo his hair, leave him gifts in his drawers, etc.

What I would expect from him to keep the sparks alive.
Take me out on dates even after we've been together for jurassic years. Make it proper; like it was our first date. Help me do my chores. Hug me from behind while I am doing the dishes, laundry, etc, watch my favorite show with me even if he doesn't fancy it but tries to understand it, pick wild flowers for me, do things for me just because he knows I'll like it. *sweet*

What I would do to keep the sparks alive.
Give him surprises! It doesn't have to always be something bought or made. Surprise means doing something out of expectation. Do things that he doesn't presume you would. Eg. learn to cook him his favorite meal, bake him his favorite cake, massage him, get his car tyre pumped, buy him presents, shampoo his hair, leave him gifts in his drawers, etc.

What I would expect from him to keep the sparks alive.
Take me out on dates even after we've been together for jurassic years. Make it proper; like it was our first date. Help me do my chores. Hug me from behind while I am doing the dishes, laundry, etc, watch my favorite show with me even if he doesn't fancy it but tries to understand it, pick wild flowers for me, do things for me just because he knows I'll like it. *sweet*

elisezzuk@yahoo.co.uk

Em...actually the 'sparks' as you mention in this entry is important in a relationship, i would say it plays significant role.

Friend of mine had been complaining that he started to get bored with the relationship lately. As a typical guy,i know what is is about.Everyday having to sms her,call her,say that nice 3 words, bring her out, listen to her rant, etc...

Hey c'mon, we are human, not machine. Sometimes the topic just get too dull n dry,it's all in a day's routine i would say.You can predict everything she will say in the next moment and com up with the same old reply.

This is killing the relationship as you start to wonder why the hell i'm with this girl?

When our relationship has come to this point. The bright and special 'spark' counts.Stop the normal stuff you would do in a day and think of something special.

I totally agree that both should try out something new no matter it's a hobby or hanging out to a new place.It gives both a chance to realise that, hey, i don't know this about you. Things just seems to be different cause you are both attempting something new.

Guys, don't just sit there and wish that your girl will please you nicely eveyday, some effort is needed!Even my dad still throw surprise party for my mom on her birthday,cool right?

i do agree that couples need to create the "sparks" thing. in order to maintain a wonderful relationship. i'll say the ways of creating them are really different for every couples.

How to keep the sparks alive?
Easy peasy!

Just be yourself!! And try not to get in the rut of a routine..kind of boring when that happens if you know what I mean.

I'm 39 plus.. been married to my 2nd bf whom I've stayed married to for 15 long arduous years.. long for me because I am NOT exactly the marrying kind!And.. horror of horrors.. I went through childbirth 4 times to bear him a wonderful girl and three boisterous boys!

Having kids have taken the toll on me.. my youth is gone, my waistline is non-existent, my career life is also gone(since I resigned from a well-paying job ten years ago to be a fulltime stay-at-home mom}, the wrinkles on my face and the rest of my anatomy is countless and I bet, priceless!Since it will cost a bomb to erase them.

That's what marriage to a traditional man from a certain ethnic group in particular, a certain clan some more, do to your self-esteem!It completely erodes it.

So, how? Give up la. Pack your bags and leave. Now, wait a minute. It was you who agreed to marry him after only 3 dates. He did not coerce you nor threaten to break your arm when he proposed after 6 months since the day you met.

You were the one who chose to believe him that it was love at first sight for him(it's crap, btw)and promptly gave him a chance when he sent flowers delivered by a taximan coming from the nearest town since the place you stayed in was too 'jakun' to have Interflora.

You were the one who was so convinced that he was the right man for you when he has impeccable integrity, something you yourself take very seriously.

Now, how? Keep the sparks alive... or keep the flame burning.. but..but..how?

Simple la.. just be a dutiful wife and take your responsibilities as a wife and mother seriously la.

That's why, this year.. in order to celebrate our 15th Wedding Anniversary.. I am proud to announce that we will be renewing our marriage vows together and our children will bear witness to our bond of love towards each other, towards our children and towards the world at large.

It is simply a celebration of love because God is love.

I will post photos and video on my blog. It will be held outdoors at a place known as heaven on earth..with the backdrop of a sunrise over a mountain range.
So so romantic..*swoon*

Thank you.
Julie
ding_julieb@yahoo.com

Girl's language/ understanding wat ur girlfren doing

If i don't call you
[ Its because i'm waiting for you to
call me ]


When i walk away from you mad
[ Follow me ]


When i stare at your mouth
[ Kiss me ]


When i push you or hit you
[ Grab me and don't let go ]


When i start cussing at you
[ Kiss me and tell me you love me ]


When I'm quiet
[ Hold my hand and make me happy ]


When i ignore you
[ Give me your attention ]


When i pull away
[ Pull me back ]


When you see me at my worst
[ Tell me i'm beautiful ]


When you see me start crying
[ Hold me and borrow me your shoulder ]


When you see me walking
[ Sneak up and hug my waist from
behind ]


When im scared
[ Protect me and hold my hand tight
tight ]


When i lay my head on your shoulder
[ Tilt my head up and kiss me ]


When i tease you
[ Tease me back and make me laugh ]


When i dont answer for a long time
[ reassure me that everything is okay ]


When i look at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]


When i say that i like you
[ I really do more than you could
understand ]


When i hold your hands
[ Hold it tight tight ]


When i bump into you
[ bump into me back and make me laugh ]


When i tell you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]


When i look at you in your eyes
[ Kiss me ]


When i miss you
[ im hurting inside ]

When you break my heart
[ the pain never really goes away ]


When i say its over
[ I just pretending but my heart still
want you to be mine ]

yukiphang82@yahoo.com

In my humble opinion, to keep the sparks alive:

1. Do not assume DNL (Don't-Need-Lah mode)

Two people get along when their presence makes each other feel more comfortable, or just simply comfortable. To make things work or to keep the sparks alive, things should be done in view of 5 years time instead of 5 months or 5 weeks. Things that we do, we don't do it just to get him/her. Do it because you meant it.

Initially, both boy and girl will want to impress each other to the max because we are much too afraid to loose her/him. We just want her/him so much that we can almost do anything for her/him. But,when things are getting more and more settled, we slack. Things that we used to do, we stopped doing because the little voice in us says, "Don't need lah...we have been together so long already"

From a pampering indulgence of lovey dovey mode, it is then switched to "Don't-Need-Lah" mode. As close as DNL (Don't-Need-Lah) may represent DNR (Do Not Resusitate), it rings the same alarm in our relationship. The sparks will die!!!

As simple as the act of holding hands, how many 'old couples' still actually hold hands when they are out?


2. Learn the true beauty and appreciate it.

It is undeniable that many of us (in particular guys) caught the first glimpse of love by physical appearance. If this continues to be our main focus instead of a bonus, it will not be surprising that if one day we decided that we are bored of being in that relationship.

From superficial to deep, the true beauty is found deep in a person. What is superficial, is superficial. True beauty lies beneath the skin. It is far too risky to just cling on superficial stuffs. They change the fastest.

Your guy may not be able to buy you 999 roses or 99 roses every Valentines but he may pluck some fresh, beautiful flowers for you even not on any special occasions. Or maybe, your lady may not have a small, sexy waistline anymore but she may be the one who make your house a home.

Things that are not seen are those that we frequently overlooked and taken for granted. Learn it and love it.


3. Create your own space, create your own pace.

There is no need to rush. People say that love is blind. Ok, but we don't have to love blindly, do we?

Before I get together with my current boyfriend, one of my friend shared a phrase she believed in with me: Don't fall in love, grow in love. I can't help to agree more.

Somebody said the faster it comes, the faster it goes. Just like cooking a bowl of nice soup, we don't chuck the pot on to the biggest flame. We simmer it slowly. With time, effort, and patience, the pot of love will grow beautifully if done correctly. Also, in this way, I believe we will learn to grow to appreciate and respect each other more. Then there will be no time for the sparks to die off.


-smile_jolyn@hotmail.com-

hey nicole,

For me and my bf, becuase we are in long distance relationship(7 hours). My way of keeping the sparks alive are as below

"watch movies together"
- either it's youtube or DVD or VCD or whatever. We would watch it together...same movie, same time and then dicuss with each other after that.

"send letters"
- I like surprising him with letters. We both love letters because to me words means more than anything. flowers will wither but words will always remain with you, you remember....and spray it with your favourite perfume...so when he sniffs the scent, he will miss you ;)

"sent surprise gifts on special days"
- i like surprising my man with surprise gifts.....especially when he least expected it. And remember an important date is important too..proves that you care

"dress each other"
- Err...don't mean undressing and dressing each other but....set a date and dress each other up. Dress him in the things u would want to see him in for a week, u decide and vice versa. It's fun :p

"travel together"
- Travelling is good and adventurous. We like travelling together and experience new things together.

"sms"
- high-tech, simple and quick! sms and tell him how much he means to you and how you're missing him and vice versa.

There.....some of my tips haha....based on personal experience....:p