爱依然在

Short Note:
(Been digressing over having someone in my life by my side, finally.)

Me: Where to find hot 35 year old successful tall guy?
Edmund: 12 years from now
Edmund: talk to me again
-.-



Note: Apology to some of those who can't read mandarin. This is something I wrote a long time ago. I want to paste it here because this is afterall, my blog; a proof of my past and my thoughts. Something I can finally walk out of.


我,爱你很久了。

我不需你的回复。感情已过去了,失去的我明白挽回不了,我没有强求。

从你踏出我的人生,也有一年了;十年的感情叫我放下,不是我没试过,还真的办不到。

我慢慢从你的人生中消失,我知道你也希望如此,不然你也不会默认我的离去,我的无息。

在很忙很忙的时候,我会忘了自己为了何事而忙;当一切静了下来,我会一个人在一个角落听着音乐,回想起我们的种种。十年了,你知道吗?我心里收了十年的感情,十年的苦闷,十年的寂寞。

问我几时对你开始有了注意,准确的时间我也忘了;也许是当你调挽到我的前座时吧?也许是你弯过头来对我笑着借课业的那一刻吧?我想,你应该都忘了。那时,你的眼里只有她。只是当时我俩都还没察觉到而已。

我不敢担保往后我能不能走出这阴影,无时无刻无论任何情况都喜欢的坏习惯,要改可是很难的。呵呵。

我不介意,你也不需要懂。我不会在你的人生未来中走过一步,不会与你有擦肩路过的机会,不会与你再如以往谈天到天亮,不会在自以为是的依偎在你怀里;可 是,我会默默的,无声无息的,没有恶意的静静在别人的嘴中,网页上的讯息探探你的近况,听听你的消息,读一读你不知我知的部落格。这样我就很满意了,真 的。并没有什么企图,也不是跟踪。只是喜欢的境界已到了我掌控不了的地步。你开心,我会跟着你开心;你伤心,我会为你担心为你祝福。

所以,

能让我在今生继续爱着你吗?

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44 kissed Nicole

  1. I'm the first commentators!

    regards,
    a malay guy that can read chinese

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  2. 爱一个人也很久很久了,我们曾经在一起,可是我感觉不到他是爱我的,所以分手时谁也没有挽留谁。很淡很淡的一段爱情故事,我对他的思念依然很深。依然很爱很爱他。

    你不需要学会忘记他、放下他,因为那是不可能的。想起他时我相信至少你是幸福的。

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  3. touching...that is what life is all about...you are not alone.

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  4. 一只美麗的天鵝有一天落在地上時,看見了一只健壯的鴨子,她立刻被這只帥氣的鴨子所打動,
    她驚詫於鴨子不同於她同類的模樣,不同於她同類氣質,是那麼的有型,那麼的另類。
    於是,天鵝向鴨子表明了愛意。受寵若驚的鴨子立刻接受了這份愛。
    從此,天鵝與鴨子在土地上生活著,在泥塘邊生活著。
    天鵝那高貴而雪白的羽毛一天天被污臟了﹔天鵝那以前不會長期行走的美麗小腳紅腫了﹔天鵝失去了雲彩的撫摩,藍天的洗滌。
    天鵝終於忍不住了,她總是在說:鴨子,鴨子,你學習飛翔啊,那我們就可以一起在高空中比翼雙飛了。
    鴨子為了天鵝而努力學習飛翔,可惜他只是一只鴨子?
    想要飛翔,想要飛到和天鵝飛翔一樣的高度實在是太難了,他實在是沒有毅力了,於是他放棄了。
    鴨子說:天鵝,你抓住我,帶我去飛吧。
    天鵝抓住鴨子,展動翅膀,非常非常吃力地飛上了藍天,在天上飛了一會兒落地了。
    鴨子笑了,鴨子覺得天上風景太美了,鴨子想愛上了天鵝真是好。
    在那之後的日子裡,鴨子每天都要求天鵝帶他飛上天,而且要求飛翔的時間也越來越長,如果天鵝不能達到要求他就會生氣。
    疲憊的天鵝因為愛著鴨子,雖然身心俱疲,卻依然會答應鴨子的要求。
    這一天,鴨子又讓天鵝帶他去飛上藍天,天鵝勉強抓住鴨子飛上了,飛得很高,很高,很高,
    然後天鵝低下頭深 深地吻了鴨子,就在鴨子感覺詫異的時候,天鵝松開了抓住鴨子的手……

    這個故事告訴我們:做人要懂得知足,美女願意讓你上就很好了,千萬不要要求太高,不要『天天想上』!
    這個故事還告訴我們:公主愛上窮小子的故事並非沒有,只是結局未必會那麼完美。
    無論如何,階級總是存在 的,門當戶對未必就是壞觀念。
    攀上一個富家女確實會令你生活質量提高,但並不代表你可以免於奮鬥。
    富家女會讓你飛得很高,但也會讓你死得很慘。

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  5. It would be nice if there`s a translation...hehhehe

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  6. Hey nic! that's a pretty touching post... Don't worry so much, after all, we're only human, and that's life~
    All the best! :)

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  7. hey there, i like this post very much! it is heartfelt and touching, and i feel it showcases the more emotional side of you. i am sure you can find your 真命天子! =)

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  8. who is to? and how old are you? 30? hahaha. okay terrible.

    -kim

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  9. Can someone translate??? First time i post a comment in ur blog.... lolx...

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  10. nicole, u don't look like someone that can write so well in chinese...

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  11. 你很伟大。
    爱一个人就会不管一切的牺牲自己。
    你牺牲了自己的感情。

    i've been through exactly the same, i understand how you felt.

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  12. I love you for a long time.

    I need you back. Feelings have passed, I understand that restore lost no, I did not insist.

    From your take my life, but also a year; decades of feelings told me to lay down, I have not tried is not really the impossible.

    I slowly from your life disappear, I know that you wish to do so, otherwise you will not default to my left, my non-interest bearing.

    In the very busy very busy time, I will forget what their own sake and busy; when all static down, I will of a person in a corner listening to music, we recall the many. Ten years, and you know what? For 10 years my heart to the feelings of decades of boredom, loneliness decades.

    You asked me when will we have started to pay attention to, the accurate time I forget, perhaps, when you tune pull into my front seat, right? Perhaps you bend excessive to me with a smile by the homework that moment? I think you should have forgotten. At that time, your eyes only her. Having only then are not aware of it.

    I can not vouch for the future I can move out of this shadow, all the time regardless of any circumstances like bad habits, but very difficult to change. Ha ha.

    I do not mind, you do not need to understand. I will not be in your life traversed step in the future, and you will not have the opportunity to rub shoulders passing, and you will not eat the dawn of assigning the past, and not in self-righteous leaned in your arms; However, I would quietly, quietly, with no malicious quietly in the mouths of others, the website message探探your current situation, you listen to the news, I wonder if I know you read the blogs. So I am very satisfied, really. No attempt is not tracking. Just like the state has come to a point I can not control. You happy, I will follow you happy; you sad, I will bless you for your worries.

    Therefore,

    In this life I can continue to love you?

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  13. your wound will remain as a wound unless you allow it to be healed.

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  14. just keep it as a memory in life :)

    cheers~~

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  15. 十年真的不是很短。爱其实不难,不爱才难。

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  16. haha. i remember writing alot of chinese when i wanted to write emo stuff about the guy(s) i liked alot. but my chinese is too lousy, but yet i still love writing in it. i am glad that at least im born chinese so that i can express myself in that beautiful language (even tho v lousily lol)

    hey, at least he liked you back rite? there are too many cases of unrequited love. in any case, at least you once were together with him.

    and in the end, nothing is constant anyways. all thats left is memories.

    cheer up. im sure u can find another who'll love you as much and whom you'll love too. =)

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  17. you can still love again. trust yourself.

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  18. 我们要振作起来。。生活是多姿多彩的! 其实,现在单身的我也非常快乐。 YEAH~~

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  19. This is really a touching post. And as a Chinese, I think sometimes it's really good to express this kind of feelings in Chinese. The expression is beautiful and more powerful. But Nicole, at least you had him for 10 years. I know it's really hard to let go, but I'm sure when the right person comes, all these will become part of your sweet memories *playing "Thanks for the Memories" by Fall Out Boys in the background*

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  20. totally agree with anonymous above, sometimes writing something in other language really meant more, what a touching post, well i certainly don't wish to come to an end in a 10th year relationship, but if its really necessary and best for both parties, why not? plus, i'm sure out of the 10 years, you've had wonderful times, sweet memories, doesn't really have to be walking out from a shadow, just the way you look at it... its all in your heart... hmmm at least i thought so! cheers to a wonderful future ahead.

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  21. It is a touching post if it is a true story.

    From the post, we know that Nicole can write chinese very well.

    It is also proved that Chinese should know how to write, read and talk in Chinese language.

    I do not understand why a lot of Chinese in Malaysia and other countries do not want to study Chinese language but other races want to learn Chinese language. WHat a shame!!

    In Malaysia, a lot of bumiputra learn Chinese. If less and less Chinese learning Chinese language, it might end up a bumiputra teacher teaches our children (Chinese) Chinese language. When that happen, everyone will regret of what they have done.

    LOVE is not everything, but no love, our life will become dull.

    Nicole, think ahead. I hope you will be happy always.

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  22. I don't think Nicole here has ten years relatioship with this guy. It's more like she liked this guy for ten years.

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  23. single sided love it is. if u dont let go, u'll only suffer. look fwd now and u'll find it a joke when u look back in future.

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  24. I think many people have the same situation as you do, including me. the love "sphere" is very cruel sometimes...

    i have been liking this particular guy for 4 years by now.(let's name him 'A'). i have no reason why im so into him. everyday i have to see him at least once, if not i will unease. i've done so much things to him ,eg be so nice to tell him every study info he wants, bought him his fav BoA album , did handmake chocolate on valentine, never miss every year's bday present, letters ,drawings.. so much and so much..

    he know i liked him, but i was too afraid to really tell him. Once, i did. but its was an obvious rejection since he didn't say much to respone. I was hurt by then.. Friends ask me to give up on him to get another guy, i did tried, to accept those who loves me, but in the end, i can't forget A, and eventually i broke up with all 3 ex i have before. (due to some other reasons too lar)..

    Till now, "A" guy is just like my super best-friend. we chat almost everyday in msn, see each other in school but still less conversation. he somewhat is someone who i really need , eg, whenever i have some bad day or what, after sharing my story, i feel at ease. there's once i woke up crying cuz i had a bad bad bad super bad dream, i hurriedly come on9 and tell him about the dream, relieved at last. Whenever i have good news, new artworks , he will be the 1st to know..

    He somewhat treat me as a "brother".. which is kinda happy since he cares a lot for "brother" but sad at same time that i never can be his special one.. he is just like a best friend who i love so much.


    its always "one sided love" for me..sigh*


    anyway, love ur blog.
    someone from brunei here =)
    wanted to join for the competition, but its open for malaysian only. so yea.. .. to the brighter side, keep it up! cheers~

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  25. the translation from "my" . is not correecct. he/she just translate it from the chinese word to english. which is .. 70% all wrong. =)

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  26. I love this:
    "Remember those are worth to keep, forget those are useless; Change watever still can be changed, accept those are fixed"...hope u get some hint inside.
    Anyway, believe me, time is the only can cure and also....your 'he'

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  27. Never know u can write chinese this well. Time will heal everything. Hope u'll find the love of your life :)

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  28. 阿Nicole,

    我老婆走佬,我现在做着的都和你差不多,读读她的friendster,探探她的消息,只可以做那么多。。。

    我明白到,一个人傻下傻下的生活还是很精彩和开心的,你也一样生活的精精彩彩吧。。。

    PS;他一定很亮仔。。。

    献无限祝福
    CHUBBY CHIN

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  29. he..??not leng chai!!but smart!

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  30. If you translate it directly in to english, it doesn't sound right. Don't bother using online translations.

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  31. Hey Nicole,

    I understand how you feel. Must be hard.....but remember

    "love is like a bird, when you let it go, if it flies back to you, its yours to keep. But if not, it is never meant to be"

    I know it's hard to forget and to be honest with you, i don't think it's possible to forget but it is important to let go.

    You are still young and pretty so don't linger about in the past but you have to move on.....life still goes on and who knows, in the future, you will meet someone better and more suitable for yourself.....:)

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  32. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  33. surely nicole can write good chinese la...she studies in the same chinese high school as me~hahaha...ppl always have the perception that english speaking person will have poor chinese, or the reverse...=.="

    and to nicole, be well soon and be happy.

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  34. well...
    the last paragraph sounds like what i am doing now...

    the paragraph sync with my feelings now

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  35. Hmm...
    Kenny is kinda nice.
    Hehe...
    *wink*
    *hint* *hint*

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  36. 要学会放手才能走更远的路。
    就让这一段感情成为美好的回忆吧!

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  37. Hi Nicole,

    Been crushing into someone for about 6 years plus, and hardly for me to forget about her even i was in relationship.

    It was until after i broke up and meet a girl that really catch my heart, she is not very gorgeous type, but i think she is just the one.

    the crushed just disappeared from my heart without me covering it as it has been automcatically replacing by the one i really like...uncousiously..

    When you meet someone that is really belong to u...u will realize it is just a small incident in life.

    cheers

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  38. 我对以往的感触那么多 曾给我幸福的你
    我依然深爱著
    有一种想见不能(敢)见的伤痛 有一种爱还埋藏在我心中
    我只能把你放在我的心中
    这一种想见不能(敢)见的伤痛 让我对你的思念越来越浓
    我却只能把你 把你放在我心中
    对你的声音 你的影 你的手 我发誓说我没有忘记过
    而关于你选择了现在的她 我只能说我有些难过
    我也真心真意的等过

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  39. This world has change so much that nowadays, true love is like a fairy tales that everyone is yearning for but hard to get.

    Nicole, been reading ur blog for quite a long time, hope that U will be able to come out of own confinement of ur heart and looks toward a better future.

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  40. like a cirlce, there is no end, unlike triangle and square.. u know.. :p

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  41. Affinity for football12/11/07 11:01 AM

    10 years is a very long time ... I don't know how you feel and I can't pretend to know. I once had to let go a 3 year relationship (*yeah you think it'll be easy*) the memories keeps coming back ... to "let go" is harder when your really try to do it (huh? understand) I finally realized it that to LOVE really doesn't mean to posses (*Boys and girls this applies to me only and please don't flame me ok ... I'm not heat proof ... YET :P*) After we broke up for a year I visited her again and she still looks the same, smells the same and smiles the same (I'm a sucker for girl's enchanting smile). At first I was sad and angry that she could forget all those places we went together, all those memories we share, the ups and downs. To view closely, she looked happy and something struck me. To love someone doesn't mean that we have to posses that someone. We have the will to posses is because we believe that being with us, we will provide the greatest happiness to that special someone. If we truly love someone we should be content, seeing that special someone living a happy life and knowing that they will always have someone they can truly count on when the time arises. From that moment onwards, I went on with my life ...

    Hope that you can do the same ... life is too short to carry so much burden my dear

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  42. Knowing how to let go is the true love!

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  43. may the tears be washed away and happiness on your way ;)

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  44. 加油!

    If worse comes to worse, you still have Kenny...

    ^__^

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