Battle is lost

Dear Nicole,

I think this is the best choice for now, let this be a reminder to the husband's family to respect her a little bit more, she is willing to work things out and carry on the family honour, a very very brave girl...

Chubby Chin

Dear Nicole,

Tell your friend that there is love for her and her baby. I would give them hugs and kisses too. Forget abt all the terrible things and start all over by working hard on it.

With love and care
from mama of 2 little boys

oso hor, the chinese translation at the end part is "the problem lies at the mother" rather than the mom's side...(^_^)"

Soli Soli

Dear Nicole,

Nothin much you can do (for now)but to respect her decision. Lets pray for her that things will become better for her.

Jacky Chin: Thanks, changed.

agnes and grey: I know, I just... sigh... feel sad.

Why can't his side of the family see what she is going through right now? Are there such people who are so selfish? So blind? Nobody deserves to live in that kind of condition!

I can only pray for her that in time, a solution will occur.. I can only hope that his side of the family changes for her sake before she is forced to walk down her own path alone.

She is not alone! I really hope she does know that hundreds of people are backing her up.

Take care for the both of you~

I don't understand why cant she do something? She is a capable woman. To her i would say: "Walk away from his family and your own family if u must. You are now a mother of a child. You are starting your own family. Lose the whole world but never lose yourself (that includes the child in your womb)!!!

Even people on the streets will treat you better. So why risk yourself? The more you love others and keep giving, the more people will bully you. Even if your parents live well, they will always remember that they have a useless daughter who cant fend for herself. Is that what you want your parents to remember you for?

A chinese proverb says that grieve and hopelessness is worst than a dead heart. Your heart might be dead and you have no more feelings, but you are not happy and you are scared. These are FEELINGS, my dear.

Please, please, please wake up and walk out of your miseries. For you and for your child. Your child will thank you when she/he knows what you have done".

Nicole, let your close friend know what your readers have said. She might need more emotional support and courage than ever before. Thanks ^_^

This comment has been removed by the author.

*sigh* if that's her decision so we just have respect that. even tho i'm not too happy with her decision. I hope she'll be alright, going back there.. really, really hope so.

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend but sadly, this kinda man just won't die in this face of the earth.

There's nothing much can be done besides keeping her company and lending her a good shoulder and ears..

He's abusive and would do anything and his mom is just plain uneducated. Tell your friend, she's educated and she has a clear mind, if she keeps barking, then she's just a mere b*tch who doesn't know what polite means.

I too had been thru a similiar situation just that, his family is a darling but he's just plain womanizer and uses woman's money.. and uses threat against me..

To me.. he's just not man enough to face his own issues after I brought it up to his family.. instead he point the finger at me and he 'took' away our child.. and left me and womanizes another woman the very same month.. man is good for nothing.

Man needs woman to bear their child but woman can have her own child by just visiting the sperm bank. Heh. Man just can't get pregnant, can they?

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
- Through his chest with a sharp knife.

lydia: i wish it was that easy, so who's going to support her while she's 6 months pregnant and no money with no job (coz she's pregnant) up till she delivers? It's not easy to abandon your own parents.

such a loser!! but i understand also, it's the fault and pressure of the society.
she really needs to step out. it's not because once she made a wrong decision, she needs to use her whole life to cover it. who told her that??
step out, be brave, live your own life.
don't be silly and say it's only his mother's fault. if the husband continues to behave like this, nothing is gonna be changed.
wake up!! and step out!!
anyway, it's sad also to know that her family is a bit conservative and not supporting.

p/s: it makes me feel sick to see the girls in m'sia can't even protect themselves.

she must be tough to overcome this hurdle..remember, she have a child now and hope the child can be the strength to go on..be strong!

hope other guys outta there see whats going on..
dun ever treat your gf or wife like this..
love your wife and gf...

There is nothing more you can do. Just be mindful over her, keep a watchout. Any sign of distress again, pull her out. There are many organisations that support ladies in her situation. I dont think you have to feel bad, or frustrated.

Hope you have fully recovered from your fever. And hopefully St Nick drops you the duvet covers which you want for Christmas. If he doesn't, let me know, will get it for you since you've been a pretty good girl so far! And for standing up for your friend.

Somehow nicole, i think the vital problem is her husband.. I have an auntie, she's also having the same problem, even hit her with broom whenever she saw her but the different is, when the mother-in-law is hitting her, the husband at least helped to cover her, although not saying anything or scold her mother ( chinese are very concerned about filial respect, some lah.. although they know their parents are doing the wrong thing) OR when the mother-in-law scold her so unreasonably, the husband stand beside her, hugging her, when they go home, the husband thank her for not leaving him and beg for her apology. So from that day onward, my auntie knows she's had a true husband, despite being stuck between the position of a son and a husband, the husband protected the wife yet doesn't show any anger or hatred toward the mother. the hitting and humiliating still happens, until they've managed to move out and have a small house starting to live their simple happy life.

The major point is the husband! not the mother, this is my point of view.

What the husband do is actually what a wife cares, no matter how bad the parents-in-law treat her. She needs to know that the husband is standing on her side.

To tell the truth, my blood continues to boil even though I've read the previous entry a couple of days ago.

There are a lot of NGOs out there that can help your friend.
Why not refer her to one?

nicole: proud of you helping out a friend...like how a friend should. however, sometimes, there is only so much one can do, when the person that you're helping cant help herself.

to all girls/ladies out there: sometimes the choice between happiness and hardship lies on your hand. you have the power to choose. but i have seen so many girls chose the 'wrong' path just because they thought 'love' could change a stubborn head. so many times i have seen them proven themselves wrong.

I am agree with Amomhrer, the problem is on the husband.

To all the guys (and myself too), you are a 'son' as well as a 'husband'. Survive between 2 most important ladies in our life is hard.

But, it is our duty and responsibility as a 'son' and 'husband' to create a harmonize relationship between them; in the family.

Think hard and act.

Dear Nicole,

If she decides to walk out of her misery and she doesn't want to burden her family, she can always seek help from them

Women's Aid Organisation
Pertubuhan Pertolongan Wanita
P.O. Box 493 Jalan Sultan
46760 Petaling Jaya
Selangor Darul Ehsan
Malaysia.
Tel. +60 3 7956 3488
Fax. +60 3 7956 3237

All Women's Action Society
Telephone number: +603 7877 4221

Fax number: +603 7874 3312

Telenita (counselling line): +603 7877-0224

Email: awam@awam.org.my

Address: 85, Jalan 21/1, Sea Park , Petaling Jaya , 46300 Selangor , Malaysia

i believe they will welcome you with open arms but most important, your friend don't feel embarass about it.

All the best gal!

I dunno why her family is persuading her to go abck even tho' they knw what she's going through.

But honestly, ur fren is a real tough girl. She loves her dad and her family and she just wanna honor them that's why she goes back to her husband.

Problem lies only at the mom in-law? I guess not only coming fromher but from the husband too. He is such an irresponsible useless bum.

Hence, no matter what let her know that many of us out here is giving her full support.

At the mean time, let's just respect her decision and pray for the best for her and her baby.

May God Bless her and her child. May God gives her peace and strength to go through whatever she's going through today.

**Pls tell her not to be afraid to seek for help if she has too. If things get worse..she has gotta get out!

I really wish the best for your friend.

Jia You! Bu Yao Fang Qi.

good!go back and fight the monster in law n the dickless husband..jia you

anon (5:43 PM),
Spouse abuse in marriage is a very common problem everywhere in the world. The least we can do is to raise awareness. I don't think you know enough about nicole and her friend to cry about confidentiality here. Keep your opinion to yourself pls.

I know many ppl make such decisions and its hard for us friends to see the reason why. Truth be told, its not a wise decision but sometimes it's the only decision they can make. Perhaps when she had her baby and working, more options will open for her. But, she needs to really work hard on it... seeing her problems with her husband and mother in law.

Anyway, i dont personally see her as weak or what not when she went back, coz, she went back coz of her family which i dont really understand why her family is not siding with her.

So... Good luck with ur friend nicole. And god bless. Hopefully a few months later u'll be blogging bout how ur friend is finally free.

Don't take it as a battle lost. More than good enough of you to stood by her and provided her comfort so that she can decide without duress(so we believe).

That is normally the case with traditional chinese parents. Even in cases that involving serious physical abuses, their approach is still the same. Thank goodness I've yet personally see any life lost as a direct result of such approach.

At the end of the day, we have respect her decision regardless of the choice.

she had a weak father. and i dun mean physically.

tell yr friend "time" will tell and "time" will heal whatever she is undergoing now.

tell her to go with what is "right" in her heart and eventually she will make her "right" decision.

her mind is not straight now, no point add in more pressure onto her.

"she had a weak father. and i dun mean physically."

i disagree to what you said...which parents wish to see their own flesh and blood being a single mother?it is not easy.there are many things to think about if u were to divorce with tat animal.no dont get me wrong..i am not supporting that animal...it is not so easy to divorce...many preparation needed to be prepare first...
in my opinion,divorce is the rite thing to do...but i am not in her shoes..many aspects we dont know...we only know from what we see...but anyway..i pray for u..

hey, how could your friend do that?? She will suffer for the rest of her life with that stupid man! Ask her to file a divorce!

If she don't have money, ask her mom to take care her baby, and she can work! She can go back and live with her family! If that motherf****r cause a commotion outside her house, she can lodge a police report!

I tell you, she can't live, share her life with that man anymore! He is violent and useless!

Wise men once said:

Some battles are best settled with a peace treaty...

Bravo

I don't think all the problems lie at his mother. Yes, his mother is very difficult to handle but this doesn't mean he can get away from his responsibilities.

It is very easy to blame others as if himself has nothing to do with it. What I see is "like mother, like son". I believe that is his true colors.

Life shall not be like that and most of all LOVE is not everything and this is not LOVE at all.

When she wants to be awaken? when she is being beat brutally or when her baby is being hurt? (we never know that)

Even after she has given birth, who will "own" the baby? I strongly believe she will never get her baby back if her mother-in-law wants to own the baby. And perhaps she won't have the chance to feed or take care or teach her baby.

Life can really be better than that, much more better. Never think you cannot turn back. Life always has U-turn.

1.A divorce is not an immediate process, most of the times it drags for a few years~

2.During the process, one cannot have another partner during the process of divorce, its illegal, one may fine up to RM10,000 if convicted~

3.The new Boy Friend or the new partner will be fine up to RM10,000 if convicted too~

4.Child will be a few years old when divorce is finally settled~

I think she has made a very wise choice if she knows what is she getting into if she "Open Fires", her parents knows better...

Anon~

Also, mother may loos baby to father if situation permits~

a life time of pain loosing the child would happen~

Really the parents choose the best choice for their daughter~

Anon

LOVE~ is not simple at ALL~

Anon

Impresively, some people are extremely ignorant~

Dono anything and start chanting divorce~

It kills a person in the process~

Anon~

Now people, do the calculation and u can see why she has made the best choice...

Oso if situation is really tat bad for her, she will definately not go home to the husband~

The Same Anon~

And oso oso, Kuchai Lama Food Court, closed down d, where am I supposed to go eat?...

Eh...Its not very relevant hor...

The sam hungry Anon lor~

Why is it that her parents want her to go back? It's like pushing the daughter to the lion's cage!

Creature,

Its just arguments with the mother in law mah, not much damage, if don like can always go back mommy's place and stay for a few weeks to a few years mah~

Better than to file a divorce lar, veli costly and expensive gar~
all adults know that very well gar~
If not the last option, one do not go for divorce gar~

Hungry Anon~

And oso hor, (guys don hate me), girls always got secret weapon to punish the husband mah...

I think u all noe la..."Don't touch me! at night!"....then then then the husband will die gar lar~

(^_^)

Hungry Anon~

How about we go and rescue the girl, donate money to her, give her job, and protect the girl.

We have over ten of thousands of people here in the blog, easy to realize the above, right?

And before we do that, let's chop off the XXX's son dick.

Who's with me?

Dear people,

One word = sin. Does it ever strike your hearts, people out there? When you live life without God, everything crumbles in your world regardless of the magnitude of the problem. With God, everything happens for a reason and there is hope because He has overcome every single problem you could think of and beyond that. Repent la you people for the kingdom of God is near. All your money, your belongings, your cravings, your group of friends, your so-called idea of life will perish soon. Those who have God will live forever in eternity with Him. Those who don't have God, earth is the only heaven you have, cause after you die, it's all hell for you people. When will you all wake up?

To Nicole's Friend,

You choose your own life path. Though I feel sorry for your situation, but you are the only one who can change it. Stop playing the victim role, pack your bags, and go. Don't be afraid, because you have already lived through it. What else do you have to lose? Your life and your child's, lies in your hand. Choose the life you WANT! Stand up for yourself!

don't know what to say abt your friend..but i think she needs to stay strong..

its easier to say and give a lot of advice here than be in the real position as your friend..but i hope she will stand strong for her baby...

Hope God will bless her and give her strong will to overcome this..

Leremy:

I'm a man oso wor, if go chop chop his XXX hor, I can feel his pain oso ge wor~ Veli scarie lar~

The Hungry anon

God bless her ...

Hope that thing will become better for her and her baby....

i kinda understand how your friend feel, nicole. tough ones. i always forsee that one day i might have the same fate as your friend too, of course, minute the mother-in-law thingy. my partner's family is great. problem lies with the guy. my heart is aching when i said this: he love me but he love himself more.

at the end of the day, mother-in-law or not mother in-law, what rely bring the gals back to this kind of so call 'miserable' life is the guy. gals are silly, no matter they're a humble homemaker or a smart manager of a company.

i must admit, i should have walk out of this relationship since the beginning, cheating (unfaithful), beating (till bruise), scolding (yelling with foul languages), smoking (determination to quit but i knew it will never happen), drug (few times only and can be avoided), i've been thru seeing him do so. don get me wrong, he's not a gangster, he's just a normal person like most of us, he has a good job, good faith in work, good life, kind of like a most eligible bachelor in 'market' if he's single. sounds like he got two face? yes, he has, in front of me.

one might be asking, if it is so 'complicated', y am i stil in this relationship? my answer: i really don't know. i guess maybe i just refuse to let go. i remember ones ever said it's 'choice'. at the end of the day, it's all on our hand, it's our choice. i guess this is my choice.

so, i guess this is your friend's 'choice'. i wish i could make a brave choice by leaving the life i'm choosing. but it is definitely goin to be difficult, because i know, i'm stupidly in love with this guy who is 'not-the guy-i-thought-would-be-but-i-keep-hoping-he-will-be'. silly? yes i am.

p/s: this morning, i just get scolded like a dog by my partner. my heart shattered and i rely feel like just hide at home a cry. so hard to believe that i'm now sitting in a office room, staff waiting for me to make decision, and i still have to finish a report to be submitted to boss. it's rely torturing to 'act'. i was a ex-depression patient. really do not wish to go back to that kind of life anymore. it's all bout 'acting' in front of people. i just wish i could be myself again...

CeeCee,

Remember not to get married to that guy ar, poor girl, its easier to walk out without legal complications...

The day will come when decied u have had enuff, then maybe a new guy would appear, he cannot do anything by then...

Good luck and choose ur life wisely...

Sincerely,
ABCDE

I agreed with what Amomhrer said...
It is all the problem with the guy.
But in the meantime,

1.her own parents persuaded her to go back coz they want the couple together?
2.they guy is staying with the mom coz he isn't independant?

conclusion, why not make a change and bring the guy over to her own house?
his needs would be satisfied,her dad would be happy,and she wont get scolding..

SCREW XXX's,she still hav her daughter and maid at home ryte?

but if that guy wont wanna move out,
as Nicole said, "all would be lost"

=(

CeeCee,

Seek God la. Don't put your hope in man. All of us ain't perfect. Only God is.




Nicole's friend,

Seek God as well. He never disappoints.




Nicole,

Hope you seek God too. Time is short. When you are lying on your death bed one day, you will question your destiny after death. Don't wait till then. Do it now. It's never too late. You were made for a purpose and bought for a price. Heard of the last shall be the first and the first shall be the last?

she is strong...and when she goes back this time, she will be stronger. and this time if things fail her again, she will come out as one of the strongest women.
stand strong yeah? especially for the baby in the tummy. coz she needs you.

anon (11:50 AM)
What if when the day comes and god says; "You disappoint me coz you never try hard enough and, you over used my name to bulldoze your own opinions"?

No offense. Just a hypothetical question.

It's tough on the friend, but it's heartbreaking and exhausting to be there for her constantly as well.

Chin up, Nicole

Hope she fight back this time...
If not...leaving the guy 4eva is the best choice..
It's better this way than suffer this kind of treatment for the rest of her life...

I believe she is strong enough to bring up the kid herself & definitely...deserve a better one..much better one..at least one with "real balls" & truly luv her & will treat her like a human, a lady, a wife....

Tell ur fren to live strong!We can live without MEN! There are many good things out there!No point sacrificing life and fun for this kind of parrot ball-less guy....no worth it at all!

Gambatte!

Hope she fight back this time...
If not...leaving the guy 4eva is the best choice..
It's better this way than suffer this kind of treatment for the rest of her life...

I believe she is strong enough to bring up the kid herself & definitely...deserve a better one..much better one..at least one with "real balls" & truly luv her & will treat her like a human, a lady, a wife....

Tell ur fren to live strong!We can live without MEN! There are many good things out there!No point sacrificing life and fun for this kind of parrot ball-less guy....no worth it at all!

Gambatte!

whisperer (1.21pm)

#1 : The fact that God is God gives Him the right to question us up down left right. He created us, therefore He can choose to do what He likes to us. Can the creation ask the Creator "Why did You create me?" Can the clay ask the potter the purpose of its' existence? Certainly not. God created us for a reason and for a purpose set by Him. We only need to find out what is that purpose.


#2 : No one knows the future except God. He lives in eternity. We are bounded by time, hence we can never know the future. So, we will also never know what will God ask us at the end of the day. What matters to Him is to be on His side at the end of the day.




People,

God will not give us or put us in a situation beyond what we can bear. All we need to do is to put our trust, hope and faith in Him for He will provide a way out of whatever the situation you are in.

Cheers.

anon (5:48 PM)
God got solution for my constipation or not? I need it right now!

There is no end to theological debate. Lets leave it sacred as it is. Tarnishing of god in political issues should be a good lesson for all already.

Anon 16/11/07 11:50 AM:

"Seek God la. Don't put your hope in man. All of us ain't perfect. Only God is."

Obvious u have never read the bible, don't know anything about god's teaching.

1. God created man and woman, both are in need of each other~

2. Remember the parable Jadas betray Jesus? Jesus forgives. The soldier who slapped Jesus? Jesus lets him slapped the otherside oso. Remember when Jesus die on the cross? What did he say? "Forgive them for they noe not what they do."

3. I kinda feel that u r using God's name invain, please have more respect of the name please~

4. This is the best chance for both the husband and wife to forgive each other and learn, not to destroy each other~


Angle on Earth

whisperer:

U can keep ur constipation, if u r happy with u constipation, u can have a series of them...

Smooth Motion

how can she tolerate all these abuse?

isnt there a way for her to get out of it...

it sadden's me to see this kind of torturing..

We gotta preach at the right place and in the right context. Theological issues has been going on for centuries. Don't think any solution can come out from here

smooth motion,
damn it, didn't i say i want a solution?
you are not helping at all :)

whisperer:

I noe la, just be very careful handling these sensitive issues mah, constipation n god don't sound so well together ma~

Hope u solve ur prob soon~

Smooth Motion (^_^)

Well, Its never too late to start over again ?

All things are possible rite ? Its all in the mind ?

I know its easier said than done, but heck, you can rebuild life, and live it the way you want it to be.

Success is in your own hands.

marriage is indeed unlike a relationship. Unfortunately its not something as simple as walking away with the many attachments it brings.
Let it be a reminder to all of us.

We pray for your friend and respect your friend circumstances. She will come out stronger.

To all those ppl who commented up there... do you think it is so easy to work things out? If it was, she wouldn't be in this situation now. Threaten to burn her house down? Once a violent man, always violent. Once an abuser, iether physically or mentally, always an abuser.

I really don't think this was the best option at all. She will be putting up with this for life. If for no one else, she should do it for her unborn baby. Who knows whether xxx would like the child!? And what if the baby is already hurt because of the conditions she has gone through whilst pregnant...

It must be really hard for her. But I really don't understand all the ppl saying that this conclusion is the best option or inevitable. If he / xxx feels taht they were embarassed by this incident, it will only get worse. xxx sounds like a vindictive bitch.

Dear Nicole's Fren,

If ur xxx is a lion, learn to be a lion tamer...

The lion can onli grow weaker by the day...

Lion Tamer too...

Hmm.....it's sad especially when your own family members can't see the whole picture here. Don't think they understand what she is going through. I understand that parents want the best for their children, especially want them to be happy. But i don't think she's happy. She should try to get help from authorities.

well, from my opinion Piggy lass =P, it isn't that they don't see her problem..but i feel parents of that generation feels it is only correct that the gurl lives together with the guy..
it doesn't matter WHERE exactly they are living...but as long as they are together?

and to 'annonymous' who keep on mentioning Gawd and Gawd..
well, imagine yourself in that situation and START TO PRAY!!!
*u bring God into every stupid matter in life and u will end up as disapointed as shit..

Dear jyhmin,
I strongly disagree with wat u have stated here :"u bring God into every stupid matter in life and u will end up as disapointed as shit.."

If u have faith n believe, you shall not be disappointed. For christian we may say we seek God, for other religion we may seek their own God, fortune teller, horoscope or whatsoever. But what we want here is for the best of Nicole's friend.

Dear Nicole's friend,
Whatever decision you made whether is it fair or unfair, you know best. I'm truly honored by your decision to honor you parents even if you have to go through suffering. Just a word of encouragement (even if you are not christian) hope you will be blessed by it.

1 Peter 3:8-17

"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another, be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, 'Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but face of the Lord is against those who do evil.' Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. 'Do not fear what they fear, do not be frightened.' But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you togive the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behaviour in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. It is better, if it is God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil."

To assured you, you may seems to lost the battle, but you have won victoriously because after this, nothing can hold you down anymore. you will turn out to be a stronger woman.

God sees your misery.

we shall help her ! she's just in trouble and did not know how to get out of the mess ! i'm so sad to know that this kind of thing is still happening , nicole , it is a good thing to let us all know about this because she'll never be alone now ! She's a helpless lady out there that need helps very much . Why shall she suffer for such things ? May god bless her and solve her misery.

Yes we are with you, Nicole's friend. Do not be afraid... Be strong.

Dear Nicole,

Perhaps you can refer your friend to WAO ... just if they can help her. She doesn't deserve to be treated in such way.

http://www.wao.org.my/services.htm


Women's Aid Organisation
Pertubuhan Pertolongan Wanita
P.O. Box 493 Jalan Sultan
46760 Petaling Jaya
Selangor Darul Ehsan
Malaysia.
Tel. +60 3 7956 3488
Fax. +60 3 7956 3237

The battle is not lost.
Winners don't quit.
Quitters don't win.
If even you quit on her, then I'll agree with you.
But if you stand firm and not give up on her, there's still a chance there for her to have a better life.

This could have been avoided if she went for an abortion the minute she found out she was pregnant and never chose to marry that idiot like what a lot of people are doing now. A lot get married just because of the baby when they're still not even prepared for marriage and parenthood. At the end of the day, it won't benefit anyone, not even the child. In fact, the child might be subjected to abuse and neglect especially in your friends case because, well, just look at how her mum-in-law and husband are like.

Six months on, its too risky for an abortion so, I think if I were your friend, once the baby's delivered, I'll give it up for adoption. Give it a proper loving home that your friend can never provide that other longing couples can. It's fair because she said it herself that she can't give warmth and a proper family for her child. Your friend too can start anew since she won't be tied down to the child and her weird in laws.

She can still do something about this if she really wants to as long as she does not let her in-laws and her own emotions cloud her judgments and sensibility. I wont feel sorry for her if she doesnt do something about her own shit life and just let herself drown in her own hell.

All the best to your friend!

Oh, and if she really did give the baby for adoption and start anew, she can say "suck on that bitches!" to her bloody husband and XXX when they finally realised they cant actually control and mistreat her like that for the rest of her life.