Saturday, May 12, 2007

Last night, I dreamt I was dead.

I didn’t die in a car accident, nor was I killed, didn’t commit suicide either. I was sitting on a chair, rested my eyes and next thing I knew, I was brought up to heaven.

My angel told me my soul departed from my body and that’s how I ended up here (heaven).

There’s no Jesus, Buddha or Allah in (my dream’s) heaven. There is a god - no name, no cross-border boundary, just a god. Everything was mostly in white, though I couldn’t remember what I was wearing since I just arrived.

My death was not planned, thus my angel told me I have a chance to return to the human world; provided I do not stay in heaven surpass 8 days and my body in the real world remained unharmed.

I asked the angel for help, so I could somehow get in contact with my parents. I worried about them, about leaving so suddenly. I hoped they didn’t take it too hard. I made a call, knowing this might freak the average people, I believed in my parents, believing that they would pick up the phone and accept the fact.

I heard my dad’s voice, it was a weary voice, I told him it’s me calling from heaven, it might be hard to believe but I need to speak to my mom. My dad did the one thing he always do when I was alive, to love me so unconditionally he put his whole trust in me even when he knew it is impossible.

I love you, dad, so much that it tears my heart and flood my eyes just to see you hurt, even if it’s just a dream.

My mom got the call, she called out my name in a trembly voice, I know she’s been crying ever since I left, and wished so stubbornly I would come back to life. She told me she forbid my brother to cremate my body.

Mom, it’s mother’s day tomorrow and I couldn’t feel worse as a daughter not achieving anything at this age to make you proud. I always told myself I would make it better next year. Now I’m dead, and next year will never come.

I stayed in heaven for a few more days, not knowing if I could successfully return to earth. There’s nothing in heaven, no entertainment, no work, no nothing, then I started thinking about my life.

There’re so many things I have yet to achieve, yet to do, yet to explore. I have yet to see the world, yet to travel the distance and take up that adventure I dreamt of. I have not taken that PHD course I always wanted in California. I haven’t even started enjoying the thrills of starting my own business/career…etc.

I woke up struggling in my bed messing up the comforter, it was hot, electricity was out again

I took a seat, and wrote this down.

11 comments:

  1. Ah...so much drama.

    Nicole, it's time for you to find some direction in your life (time to find a job, start a business or go back to school). I think you have too much time on your hands and then you start thinking about stuff that does not make sense.

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  2. its just a dream, sweet nicole..maybe its asking you to appreciate your family more more more more more and more than what you have done so so so so so much now..

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  3. Best wishes to u alwis.

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  4. It's a dream indeed, but it does remind u... to cherish what u have :).
    As some saying goes, 'Live everyday as if it's your last'...
    so... in having less 'regrets', just do it ;)

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  5. hahahah
    that's why lar ... nothing to do .. had bad dreams .. shd do more useful things rather than just enter beauty pageants .. ie bimbo stuffs
    tsk tsk ... wake up NICOLE .. you are no longer dreaming .. face the reality

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  6. had a feeling that last time do not need moderator's approval on the comments ..

    now have? how come ar? too many pp wrote too many nasty comments ..

    i wonder y?

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  7. hi...first time here...so pink...heh...
    no entertainment in heaven?? darn..i knew it..! mostly prohibited...the rules r very tight there i guess...

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  8. Die

    To dream that you die in your dream, symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or in your life. Although such a dreams may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm and is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.

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  9. o good... does that mean now I'm finally converting from obese Nicole to skinny Nicole? Yea~~~ diet diet diet....

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  10. poignant entry.....

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