Monday, May 21, 2007

The day of judgement - sitting at Starbucks next to Mahkota Medical Centre

Two and a half hours ago, I stood outside the operation room, holding my tears back, as hard as I could. I smiled down at this frail man in front of me. Smiling ever so weakly, I held his hand tight, as he held mine; his other hand is attached to a drip.

My dad has always been the man of the house, tall and handsome. To me, he’s the perfect image of a father, strong and towering and could protect me under any circumstances, never a sign of fear. But there he was, lying on his surgery bed, for the first time I was tilting my head down, for the first time I saw signs of fear from his trembling heart. I could see his tears behind those droopy eyes due to old age as he could see mine. I know he’s controlling, not revealing how terrified he felt; looking at my weak and helpless father, it’s only minutes before I break down, but I have to hold back. I want him to know I’ll be there for him when he enters, and I want him to know I’ll be there when he exits the operation room.

I bent down, pressed my right cheek to his right, whispered to him not to worry and I will be there when he comes out. The surgeon couldn’t confirm how long the surgery will last, could be 3 hours, could be 10; no matter, I will wait. My brother’s rushing back from work, he took half day off. But there I was, alone with my father at the entrance of the surgery room, my brother couldn’t make it in time to see him in.

The nurses pushed the bed further and the steel doors opened, I hold on to the bed indicating the nurses to wait, I made a call to mom, she’s handling dad’s business alone now, I informed her it’s time, they talked for a minute before hanging up. The bed moved forward and my dad’s surgeon assistant showed up, together with the analgesist; that was as far as I could proceed, I thought I saw a tear appearing at the side of his eye, I shouted: “don’t worry, just take a nap and everything will be alright once you wake up”. He nodded. And the doors closed.

Two hours and fifteen minutes ago, I stood in front of the operation room, holding my backpack, crying my heart out.

25 comments:

  1. Don't worry everything will be fine...

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  2. hi nicole,
    sorry to hear abt this but you must be strong.I hope he'll be okay,no..he WILL be okay! =)

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  3. uncle will be fine... he will be alright.
    billions of lucks and do take care of yourself too.

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  4. My prayers are with your father and your family...never give up or self doubt.

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  5. Will pray for your father's well being. Be strong girl!

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  6. The toughest moment ever.

    Be brave no matter what is the result. If you believe in God, he has everything planned. If not, treat it as difficult path to go through.

    Take your time of blogging if you need to. Take good care.

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  7. Whatever verdict coming your way, you just need to keep an open heart.

    There are times you find yourself drowning in rough seas but you have to stay afloat for your family.

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  8. My heart sank when I read your posting today. It is as if I can truly feel for you, how you and your family is suffering right now.

    I may not be able to help, but I can assure you that everything would be fine. Trust me !!
    Please be strong.. and have faith. Everything will fall into place Nicole....

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  9. The journey through life takes on many obstacles.....

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  10. Hey Nicole,

    Stay strong and hopefully ur dad will be fine n healthy soon..!

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  11. hey i am one of ur blog reader here,jus wanted to say take good care of ur self n dont worry....jus do wat u should do thats all......god bless ur father.....thing gonna work out soon. by fong

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  12. i know exactly how u feel...10 yrs ago my mum got into a very bad accident(someone bang her motorbike and ran off)....my dad passed away when we were very young so she's the one that bring back money...i'm just only started working earning less than RM1000 where my 2 sister is still studying..

    it was in the morning my mum involved in that accident and was send to GHKL...in the evening when i see her again she was still lying down in the steel bed awaiting for operation with her legs covered in blood and wounds...at that moment we both cried sooo many things flashes through our minds about the actual reality that we gonna face:(

    at the end she was admitted into the operation room the next morning and went through 3 operation(fixed some screw in her legs) stayed in the hospital for 1 1/2 months and have to go through some therapy to beable to walk properly again...

    i wanted to tell u is....it takes time to heal and never give up..be positive...my mum is walking finely now after 10 yrs but still she said it is not the same anymore...

    py

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  13. i will pray for ur dad.

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  14. Prayers for ur dad Nicole. Be strong!

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  15. Be strong, Nicole.

    Uncle will be fine and recover soon :)

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  16. be strong gal, best wishes..

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  17. Nicole...

    I really hope your dad is okay.

    I normally read your blog as a silent reader but this post prompted me to say something.

    Do take care Nicole. Hope all is well for you.

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  18. Nicole... He'll be mighty mega fine. Okay? Trust us, he will be.

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  19. hey nicole. a reader and new friend of my page requested for me to do a parody of avril lavigne's video of song Girlfriend. i saw ur video version of akon's song, brought up the topic and a few more readers thought it was really gutsy of u. besides being gutsy for trivial fun like that, when it comes to the real life changing dramatic experiences i suppose u'll brave through it well.

    plaster on that smile that u need to put on just for the pageants. it's important =)

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  20. i've been just there. yes, i cried my heart out but i could never change the fact that my dad was gone. i know just what its like to be in that damned building not knowing what would happen. you're dad's gonna be just fine. at least you'll have him alive. so don't worry. everything will be alright.

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  21. My prayers and thought go out to your dad. Wishing him a speedy recovery. You take care too, k. :)

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  22. No matter what happens, the world still moves for you.
    No matter what happens, uncle sure dont want you to be sad.
    No matter what happens, you still have him, and everyone else around.
    No matter what happens, things will be ok as long as you think it is.

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  23. Hi Nicole,

    Stay strong ok? Try not to worry too much. It may seems to feel helpless rite now but try to hang in there no matter what. I have been thru the same situation with my mum.

    Your dad already very proud to have a daughter like you. Try to get much needed rest as you can. You will need to acc him more to cheer him up. Don't look sad or down or think you didnt do enough.

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  24. Hey nicole, i feel sad to hear about your dad. I'm sure he'll get better in due time. Don't worry, and trust God.

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  25. i'm sure your dad will be alright. he is fighting this for his family, for you. you have to stay strong for him too girl. [: I'm sure your daddy is a strong willed man.

    trust in the Lord
    for He shall grant you peace.
    everything will be alright.
    He has all His angels around your family.

    *hugs*

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