Saturday, June 28, 2008

A Dream

I dreamt about you last night.

How you held my hand and caressed me with your sweet words. Sometimes I wonder if that mouth of yours is sugar coated, or could it it be the reason I no longer crave for chocolates? It was an episode that stretches on from consciousness, I remembered sections of it now, it was so clear in the morning when I woke up in bed. Difficult to differentiate reality from dream, it all felt real, and I was reluctant to get out from bed. I pulled up my blanket, hoping to step back next to you.

I shouted to the world how I felt for you, I forgot what were the words, but it was exactly how I felt. And despite all the "wants", I refrain from spilling it all out to you. For what reasons I can't really explain, for I do not have the answers myself.

I believe in true love, and true love is always magical. Like lightning, it strikes you fast and hard without you realising. You might be afraid of this sudden outburst of feeling, of this sudden decision you have to make, it can hurt, or it can be pleasurable. You might try to ignore it, but please, don't; because love is a wonderful thing. Even if it hurts, isn't the feeling of being in love worth all the getting hurt in the world?

Life is how it is, we don't need a reason for everything. Because there simply are things words can't describe, logic cannot explain. Love, for example. Why live, if you can never love; not all the money in the world can buy that powerful feeling inside.

I once asked myself a question: if I were given a choice between marrying a rich man I adore and respect and have wonderful kids with him, while living the rest of my life comfortably not having the need to worry about any material need for the next few generations; or to be with my one true love, the perfect soulmate that I would dedicate the rest of my life to but live out a common life, poor one even if may be; which would it be?

I'd then imagine myself living in a cottage somewhere far up in the hills, living a modest life, earning a modest living, enough to survive through each day. But knowing that I can wake up every morning, and sleep in every night, looking at that face I will never grow tired of, holding that hand that can calm my world, and knowing his presence alone meant the world to me. And immediately I have the answer. There was no dilemma, there was no doubt, no money in the world would matter, no amount of past "hurt" can hold me back, for it will all be worth while, to wait for that moment to come. The perfect moment when I can look into his eyes, can whisper to him "Finally, I've found you".

How I wish it was possible, but it's not possible is it? You to be here, right now, next to me, to hold me tight, to be with me. No, it's not possible, due to commitments and due to ... personal restrictions.

I want nothing more, because I know I could not ask for more, to hear more of you, to have you to talk to me in the wee hours in the morning again, to receive your text every now and then. That would complete me, at least for now it would, I'll be contented, I'll try to be. Because there's nothing more I can ask from you, than your voice.

29 comments:

  1. Finally someone is sharing their dreams...I've been keeping a dream journal myself, but only recently i decided to blog it out just for the sake of releasing the negative energy inside of me. Nicole, i think ur dream is telling you that you are longing for the one u love. Come and visit my dream jouornal and feel free to share your dreams with me, people.

    http://moonhaze.blogspot.com
    (dream journal)

    http://cleffairy.wordpress.com

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  2. Nic

    Don't day dream. It's nothing more than fantasy buried deep inside your thoughts.

    Please wake up and soak in the Saturday night fever, yeah?

    Wanna party and dance with me till the break of dawn.......

    How I wish to hold you in my arms and whisper 3 sweet words into your ears.

    Lonely soul

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  3. That is probably the question of the century. I would personally choose the one where I would never get tired of. I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic when it comes to true love, but having been though my fair share of experiences, I have serious doubts about its existence. Oh well.

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  4. Nicole, let us make love.

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  5. I'm believe you can do it!

    Cheers,
    Melvin

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  6. :(
    why does my dream seem so similar to yours?

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  7. hey. my dream is somewhat similar to yours too. how i wish i could just... nah, it's okay. you know what i mean.

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  8. What wonder heart felt words.

    Thanks you.

    Jon

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  9. What the fuck are you blabbing about?

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  10. Dear Anonymous,

    Enuf of tok kok here. If u hate sweet Nicole..y r u keep on coming back here ???? leaving stupid and harrasing comments.

    U wanna try PDRM Cyber Crime teams capabalities in tracking down shit heads like u ?? A word of advice....If I were u..I wont try....

    IF u wanna create havoc or leaving stupid and suggestive comments I leave u a link.here it goes... www.FXXXyourownmuther.com

    Enuf said....

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  11. Nicole,

    You never know.. One day you may be as famous as Mills & Boons author.. Keep up the good work yah!
    Cheers!

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  12. I can't...I thought i made it very clear. I'll say it one more time. I am married.

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  13. Wonder who the lucky sod is to be lavished such sweet adoration from Nic! LOL!

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  14. I wonder how... and now i know tat im not the only one dreaming about this. Maybe the god of love was busy tying every1 together.

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  15. It is only in romantic airy fairy mills and boon fiction stuff that you will not marry the richer fella. A woman will always marry the richer fella cos she wants the resources to bring up her kids. It is biological. It is innate. A woman cannot help it. That is the way of nature. So will you.

    richard

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  16. nicole's anonymous bf29/6/08 6:33 PM

    dont worry cole. once i found my first million i'll come right to your arms.

    you then need not miss me like u do now.

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  17. I would fuck your mouth and tits to end your sorrow and loneliness.

    You wanna go for it?

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  18. my, there'r still sentimental people around...
    how touching... sobs*

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  19. aww! no wonder i don't dream again more lately. geeee....

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  20. Thank for sharing your voice here.
    I believe, you know who you wanna be with.
    May God bless you.. :)

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  21. 'Even if it hurts, isn't the feeling of being in love worth all the getting hurt in the world?'
    - yup, I so agree on that :)... even as a guy I would prefer being hurt to be in love a again. Something that ain't easy these days. And true love, I so believe when it does really happen when u least expected and I told myself my life ain't that bad afterall. You entry certainly went in line with the emo I have... anyway... life will never be the same again when u do meet someone special to you and only you. Cheers ;)

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  22. I feel sorry for you in a way. You are much too young to understand. All the naive young girls with their cheesy expositions of 'true love'.

    Just because you feel all powerful and sugar&spice inside right now DOES NOT mean it's true love.

    To say you will not get sick of someone is naive at best. How long have you been with him? Isn't that too soon to assume?

    You must not have been in any long term relationships before (I don't blame you, you're still young).

    Once you get into one.....you will realise a relationship takes alot more than his voice and 'forver-interesting' face to sustain.

    Don't speak too soon Nicole. When you have 4 crying babies, no income, tons of financial obligations and major financial difficulties, you will realise how quickly your views can change.

    What you are feeling right now is how everyone feels at the initial stages of any relationships. I will give you credit when you can say all these after at least 5 years with him. For now, keep it cool and stop promising forever.

    How young. How naive.

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  23. It is nothing wrong to dream! i feel you! i am facing the same moment right now..

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  24. 'How young. How naive.' I am afraid I can't agree with you.

    Youth is a time for ideals and dreams.

    One can either recognise that it is ideals and dreams, or it is 'youth and naivety'.

    I wouldn't call it 'youth and naivety'.

    If it is, then what has the older gained with age?

    Knowledge and experience combined with bitterness is NOT non-naivety - it still is naivety, because one has not recognised the wisdom that age and experience has brought to one's youth's ideals and dreams.

    The young will have their ideals and dreams.

    The older must still have them, tampered with time and experience.

    Age and experience isn't bleak.

    Age and experience isn't bitterness.

    If it is, age and experience won't be wisdom gained.

    '...the world will always love a lover..as time goes by...'

    richard

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  25. Nicole's secret admirer30/6/08 4:09 PM

    Nicole,

    Don't tell me you are in love with a married man. Oh...how could you? First, the Gerald. Then, the bra. Now, a married man? You are breaking my heart...

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  26. Zhenhao it is. Few years ago, he has to stay to work for his dad, few years later it's still the same. You'd be better off if you can go over there to BKK to be with him. It'd be a miracle if he can come join you :) good luck!

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  27. True love supporter30/6/08 10:34 PM

    i found my true love, i was in love intensely and i used to have the same dream and now it is shattered...does true love only exist in the movies? but even after im being hurt deeply, i still share the same dream as you....sigh....like a famous person said, it's only a lesson if you learned from it...guess i have not yet learned :) HOORAY to true love...nicole, u will find him one day :)

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  28. nicole, that was very sweet. I hope that it stays that way for long time for you and the guy -if you are with a guy or if u are about to be with a guy.

    Someone: while there is some reality to what you say, but i think that was a crash rather than being supportive. Just cause love ends hard for some people doesn't mean it has to be that way for everyone. if you don't believe in the love you have with a person, then how can you even think about forever.

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  29. I am so sorry Nicole.... I will divorce with my wife very soon. Stay with me.

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