I dreamt about you last night.
How you held my hand and caressed me with your sweet words. Sometimes I wonder if that mouth of yours is sugar coated, or could it it be the reason I no longer crave for chocolates? It was an episode that stretches on from consciousness, I remembered sections of it now, it was so clear in the morning when I woke up in bed. Difficult to differentiate reality from dream, it all felt real, and I was reluctant to get out from bed. I pulled up my blanket, hoping to step back next to you.
I shouted to the world how I felt for you, I forgot what were the words, but it was exactly how I felt. And despite all the "wants", I refrain from spilling it all out to you. For what reasons I can't really explain, for I do not have the answers myself.
I believe in true love, and true love is always magical. Like lightning, it strikes you fast and hard without you realising. You might be afraid of this sudden outburst of feeling, of this sudden decision you have to make, it can hurt, or it can be pleasurable. You might try to ignore it, but please, don't; because love is a wonderful thing. Even if it hurts, isn't the feeling of being in love worth all the getting hurt in the world?
Life is how it is, we don't need a reason for everything. Because there simply are things words can't describe, logic cannot explain. Love, for example. Why live, if you can never love; not all the money in the world can buy that powerful feeling inside.
I once asked myself a question: if I were given a choice between marrying a rich man I adore and respect and have wonderful kids with him, while living the rest of my life comfortably not having the need to worry about any material need for the next few generations; or to be with my one true love, the perfect soulmate that I would dedicate the rest of my life to but live out a common life, poor one even if may be; which would it be?
I'd then imagine myself living in a cottage somewhere far up in the hills, living a modest life, earning a modest living, enough to survive through each day. But knowing that I can wake up every morning, and sleep in every night, looking at that face I will never grow tired of, holding that hand that can calm my world, and knowing his presence alone meant the world to me. And immediately I have the answer. There was no dilemma, there was no doubt, no money in the world would matter, no amount of past "hurt" can hold me back, for it will all be worth while, to wait for that moment to come. The perfect moment when I can look into his eyes, can whisper to him "Finally, I've found you".
How I wish it was possible, but it's not possible is it? You to be here, right now, next to me, to hold me tight, to be with me. No, it's not possible, due to commitments and due to ... personal restrictions.
I want nothing more, because I know I could not ask for more, to hear more of you, to have you to talk to me in the wee hours in the morning again, to receive your text every now and then. That would complete me, at least for now it would, I'll be contented, I'll try to be. Because there's nothing more I can ask from you, than your voice.