Short Note: Currently back in Melaka attending a wedding. OMG, this is my 4th time as a bridesmaid. Is god trying to tell me something?
I’m dismayed recently, of many incidents that have happened and are happening around me.
Since college, I learned the exasperation of rumors and thought that after these years, gossips and mindless bitchings will not get the better of me.
But I was wrong. Unwillingly admitting, they do get the better of me. Oh they do.
I tried to stay low profile for as long as I can, traveling to foreign countries while ignoring what is happening back in my homeland and people I usually socialize with. Yes, I disconnect myself with people around me. One part of me naively thought that there is NO way gossips can fly high when I’m flying.
I traveled so much and was ignorant of my social circle back home; sometimes I forgot how to socialize anymore.
Since teen, I know gossips love me for few reasons I sometimes know too sure of, but neglect. They cling on to me like leaves on trees, like baby on teddy bears, like Nicole on chocolates. I’m probably capable to create gossips out of thin air with my absence.
I understood this in these recent few months.
And it has affected my mood greatly. I love going out less, I dislike meeting people, I have even lost interest in traveling. And I thought locking myself most of the time in my pad will solve the problem; assuming people who like to irritate me, of whom I do not know, will finally leave me alone; to stay away from the social world and let me be.
But again, I was wrong.
I have people I hardly know; barely communicated with; inventing scandal that involves me sleeping or having sex with people I only met for 2 days; rumor with people whom I have high admiration towards because of their articulate social skill and line of work; from people whom I thought to respect for their assumed professionalism.
And little did I know, as ignorant as I wish I could be towards these gossips; it is affecting my reputation, my professions, and circulating around organizations I work for (one who pay me) and with (one who handles my pay).
I have people hating me for reasons I am not too sure of. And when I questioned, I heard people have been distributing information about things I SAID I never knew I did about certain people who will later hate me for the thing I SAID of what content I don’t even know. To make things worse, to accuse me of the SCANDAL they heard to add credits to my “personality” leading to the things I SAID.
And then I lost a friend.
I have people whom I used to fancy, ignoring and avoiding me, due to gossips such like ME spreading rumors that THIS PERSON I used to fancy is trying to HIT (aka get into pants) me. And gossips about the very same person I used to fancy, telling everybody I HAVE SLEPT with him when we never even WERE TOGETHER.
He is still not looking me in the eyes.
The queen once said to be famous, gossips (bad ones usually) play a vital role. To a certain extent, I agree. Controversies create publicity. That's how Paris Hilton and Britney gained fame isn't it? But these gossips have so far affected my friendship, my career, and people I love.
Are rumors and gossips friends? Or foes?
I wish I could share with the many places I have traveled, I have so many interesting things that I want to blog about, about Thailand, about Japan, and even many other parts of Vietnam and many little incidents that made me laugh.
But my heart is just falling apart and whenever I look at the screen, happy words fail to spill out from my fingers. And I will sink back into my books, away from reality.