Visits from a foreign land

ich in German language sound like ‘irkrrrrr’, whereby the rrrrr part you need to pronounce like you’re storing up spit in your throat. It means ‘I’.

If you manage to make it sound like you’re vomiting, you’re almost there.

That is probably one of the two words I learned spending the weekend with two of my Switzerland friends, the other one would be essen which means ‘eat’.

There you go, I manage to speak very short German language, ich essen - I eat. Okay~ that would probably sound like Tarzan language in German, but no matter, now I know I can survive if one day somehow I landed in Germany with no food and no one to understand to me.

A weekend with two Swiss Caucasians can sometimes be hilarious and fun, apart from the occasional language-shock (they speak German, French, Italian, English, and some other languages I’ve never heard of), introducing Malaysian culture and see how they react is priceless.

One fine example was when I tell them as-a-matter-of-factly, to get your way around Malaysia, the best way is bribery. In Switzerland, if you bribe a police, you’ll end up in jail; in Malaysia, to bribe is a must, to pretend to bribe and act poor is an act of defense. Lie your way through if you can, "Bang (‘bro’ in Malay), I have no money~ I am a student and need to survive" (while you show them your empty wallet and holding up the last of the 10 ringgit note), knowing well that you have just stuffed the rest of the RM500 under the car seat. In fact, to call it bribery is harsh; we prefer the term ‘tea money’. And ‘tea money’ ranges from as little as FOC to millions depends on the how much tea you’re offering, what type of tea and where is the tea being bought (Melaka standard tea money is RM10, KL might reach RM50). So if illegal business is your cup of tea, make sure you can afford the tea.

Of course, knowing this, I am a sad Malaysian, and would make a terrible tour guide; nevertheless, who else apart from me can you pretend to be lost and get a police escort to the bar, take them to eat probably the nicest food in KL and visit the corniest places, speak multiple languages fluently and be this cute? Huh, tell me~ Okay, maybe I was really lost, but I got an escort and you don’t. *stick out tongue*

Now, Nicole is going to teach you how to sniff tobacco, European style~

Personally, I hate smoking, I hate the smell and I don’t think I would like the taste (I never tried). Kenny told me smoking is like drinking coffee, the caffeine effect should be the same (he never tried either, -.-;;).

If this is the case, I’ll stick to chocolates; they have the same addictive effect and would probably bring as much satisfaction as tobacco would. And I especially hate people who breathes second hand smoke into your face, not only it blocks my nose, it stains my hair, big time. With the length of hair I have that is half my height, every time I go in a pub, I’ll come out with smoke filled hair that would last for days, after washing.

First, this is probably what you need,


GrovSnus, not sure what language is that?

I filmed this pretending that I was taking a photo of him, so he didn’t know anything about my real intention, hehe…



I don’t recommend people who don’t/seldom smoke to try this. But if you are a heavy smoker and can’t live without cigarettes and are inconsiderate enough to smoke in front of people with sinus problem; try out this clean effect, smoke-free. It is much stronger but is healthy for the environment. Traslation: Nicole don't like smoke, so get that smoke out of my face~!!

PS: my friend here is a very considerate and nice and friendly person ^^