Model Search Diary

Today is the first day I have a day off since my check in with the girls on the model search two weeks ago.

It's been nothing but tough and tiring. Part of me feel like breaking down and lots of my friends are asking me to quit, due to many reasons which I find inappropriate to reveal here, or anywhere else.

In the past week, I have even gave up on my weight lost program due to my demotivated spirit. It felt like: "what's the damn point?"

Damn right the point.

I'm going to be more positive from today onward. Some of these girls are many years my junior and they could stay more positive than I am, despite the usual rants and complaints and obvious reasons to be unhappy about.

Ordered my first ever soy latte from Starbucks yesterday. I've never ordered coffee, firstly because I never like/drink coffee; secondly, well, I won't pay for something I don't like, not for the price Starbucks is offering anyway.

But for the first time, I was beyond tired. I was fatigue. And I haven't felt this form of fatigue since, god knows, my student exam days? And no matter how much I tried to get myself to perk up, which I usually could despite my tiredness, I couldn't.

There was no more mental, spiritual and physical energy left in me to force a smile.

For years I was used to 8-10 hours of sleep a day. All of a sudden, I had to force myself to sleep only 4-6 hours average every single day, after a whole day of exhaustion, of activities and training and shootings. It's like selling my soul, for free.

The cherry on top (there's always cherry on top) is that I have to come home to a house full of dirty dishes and empty boxes and dead fish. Yes, apparently someone came to my place and ate and left the dirty dishes behind on my table for me to clean (for the same reason I asked the favor to come my place: to help clean the dishes in my sink while I was away because I couldn't even get home myself to do it). And what could be more spiritually uplifting than to handpick two dead clown fish from a mega fish tank, all the while scaring my two remaining and always miraculously still-alive shrimps.

FYI, I did not buy the fish. They were put in my tank while I was away.

It's been really enlightening despite all of that. Yes we must always look on the brighter side of things.
The experienced made me learnt a lot about this industry. To constantly improve myself and to correct the faults I never thought I have. I enjoyed the learning experience, I wished I have more time to learn more about myself and to better myself, if only this was not a competition, I would feel less stress and could improve in my own comfortable time and space.

Anyway I have to go now. My laundry's done. Gotta go hang them and see if I have time to go out to enjoy the rest of my day.

Here are some photos from the model search:

photo 4

photo 2

photo 3

photo 5

photo 1


0 kissed Nicole