Woke up with a face full of make up and in my day clothes, it’s 12am and I’m in bed in a hotel room in Shanghai. I got up to wash my face and changed into my pyjamas. You filled my head as
Coping in a world without your presence
/ December 19, 2017
I will miss you in my free time, so I occupy myself with work, and more work. Diving myself into a world where I am forbidden to miss you is like taking drugs, it only lasts till I sober up. So I sank
Wrote by Nicole
Thoughts of You
/ December 09, 2017
Copied these post from my FB wall so I have a record of these thoughts. Written om 10/11/2017 I don't know how people do it, still have a life while their love one is bed ridden waiting for death to knock on door.
Wrote by Nicole
There's a little girl (13 yo) across our bed that's aneroxic looking. She has been waiting for a liver transplant for the last three years, and she lives in agony every single day. Her heart rate is a constant 110-120. She has a swollen belly and stick arms and legs. She suffers perpetual diarrhea (sometimes with blood) and she has lost the ability to recognize people, not even her own mother who sits by her side every day.
She's always sitting alone, and rarely receives a visitor. No one talks to this mom, not even the nurse unless it was necessary. And she just went about her day caring for this child of hers. Cleaning her up, watching over her, attending to her pain and needs. And when people do talk to the mom, they ask about her daughter's condition and then you could see they shift their eyes away because they felt pity, and they are at a lost for words.
On my side, my mom was taking a disturbed sleep in her bed. And I thought about the visitors we have received the past few days and the words of concern that flowed in.
It baffled me just how much people don't know what to say to a cancer/dying patient. Most of the time, albeit unintentionally, these words can do more harm than good.
No, we don't need some miracle treatments you read online/heard from a friend or referral of an uncredentialed doctor.
Please don't say 'how are you feeling?'. Same as yesterday, same as the day before and the day before that. There are going to be good days and there are going to be bad days. But they are generally all bad. So if you are expecting to hear good news from asking "how are you" on repeat, don't ask.
And please, for the love of God, don't say "get well soon". No, it's not going to get better. It's always going to get a little worse everyday/week/month. That's how it works. Saying get well soon just shows your indifference and insensitivity. Instead, say I'm here for you. And mean it.
Offer help. Bring food, offer to clean, lend a ride, offer a shoulder or just be there.
If you don't know what to say, say nothing, your presence is good enough. Don't stay away or avoid contact just because you don't know what to say, that's just going to hurt more. Offer a prayer, regardless of religion. Kindness and compassion know no bound.
One evening, as this mom was talking to my brother and friend over the condition of her daughter, I could see she was getting emotional. So I walked up, opened my arms wide and embraced her. I held her for a long time, and whispered "I know" (because I sincerely do) repeatedly. I didn't let go. She cried into my shoulder as I held the back of her tudung as she clung onto me. I don't know how long I held her for, but I hugged her hard and could feel her pain vibrated through every vessel of me. By the time I released her, my eyes were wet and I know none of the pain has been reduced, but it got its release that evening.
I don't know this woman, I have never spoken to her, I don't know her daughter nor the full extend of her condition. But I know her pain. And while words are lost, all she needed/wanted was a hug.
She's always sitting alone, and rarely receives a visitor. No one talks to this mom, not even the nurse unless it was necessary. And she just went about her day caring for this child of hers. Cleaning her up, watching over her, attending to her pain and needs. And when people do talk to the mom, they ask about her daughter's condition and then you could see they shift their eyes away because they felt pity, and they are at a lost for words.
On my side, my mom was taking a disturbed sleep in her bed. And I thought about the visitors we have received the past few days and the words of concern that flowed in.
It baffled me just how much people don't know what to say to a cancer/dying patient. Most of the time, albeit unintentionally, these words can do more harm than good.
No, we don't need some miracle treatments you read online/heard from a friend or referral of an uncredentialed doctor.
Please don't say 'how are you feeling?'. Same as yesterday, same as the day before and the day before that. There are going to be good days and there are going to be bad days. But they are generally all bad. So if you are expecting to hear good news from asking "how are you" on repeat, don't ask.
And please, for the love of God, don't say "get well soon". No, it's not going to get better. It's always going to get a little worse everyday/week/month. That's how it works. Saying get well soon just shows your indifference and insensitivity. Instead, say I'm here for you. And mean it.
Offer help. Bring food, offer to clean, lend a ride, offer a shoulder or just be there.
If you don't know what to say, say nothing, your presence is good enough. Don't stay away or avoid contact just because you don't know what to say, that's just going to hurt more. Offer a prayer, regardless of religion. Kindness and compassion know no bound.
One evening, as this mom was talking to my brother and friend over the condition of her daughter, I could see she was getting emotional. So I walked up, opened my arms wide and embraced her. I held her for a long time, and whispered "I know" (because I sincerely do) repeatedly. I didn't let go. She cried into my shoulder as I held the back of her tudung as she clung onto me. I don't know how long I held her for, but I hugged her hard and could feel her pain vibrated through every vessel of me. By the time I released her, my eyes were wet and I know none of the pain has been reduced, but it got its release that evening.
I don't know this woman, I have never spoken to her, I don't know her daughter nor the full extend of her condition. But I know her pain. And while words are lost, all she needed/wanted was a hug.
Wrote by Nicole
The Morning We Had Japanese Pear
Grieve comes in levels and in waves. I don't know how to stop it or when it will come. When it comes, there are moments I feel that I can no longer breath on my own. I remember so clearly the last meal
Wrote by Nicole
Why I Switched to Android from iPhone and Now Want to Switch Back
/ September 08, 2017
Ever since switching from iPhone to Samsung two years ago, I have been loving and hating this new change. But more love than hate. Love (for samsung) in descending order: removable storage sd card (photo arranging is a dream) * google drive (most
Wrote by Nicole
It's Going To Be EBC (Everest Base Camp)
/ September 06, 2017
Me: Where do you want to go or what do you want to do on your birthday? C: I don't know. Let me think about it. Two weeks later. C: I'm thinking to trek Everest Base Camp on my birthday. Me: (eyes widening)... Alright.
Wrote by Nicole
Yellow Flower Field @ Pai
/ August 28, 2017













The best things in life always come at the most unexpected moments. While on a private tour with Reverie Siam in Pai, Thailand, we drove pass this gorgeous yellow flower field on the way to see a monk bridge. I ran down from
Wrote by Nicole
How To Travel To Pai, Thailand
/ August 24, 2017






Pai used to be a backpacker's best hidden find. A hipster's trove. An artist's sanctuary. Over the years it has attracted more and many international tourists. But you can still find many creative elements in this small township located far from any major
Wrote by Nicole
Best Cheesecake in Kuala Lumpur
/ August 11, 2017








After reading Wilson's post on best cheesecake in KL, I had to try it for myself. So on a free weekend, I shimmy my way to Lot 10 to get a taste of this cheesecake. Located on the 4th floor of Isetan, Lot
Wrote by Nicole
How Gardens Mall Butchered Our Malaysian Flags and Got Away With It?
/ August 05, 2017
There I was standing at the West Entrance of Gardens Mall waiting for my uber ride who decided to miss a turn and was making his way round the mall to get to me. I idled for a while before planting my bottom
Wrote by Nicole
Nasi Lemak Burger (Malaysian Version) by myBurgerLab
/ August 03, 2017










myBurgerLab is launching the controversial Nasi Lemak Burger tomorrow in all their outlets. So I shamelessly texted Renyi for a taste of the burger because I really really really don't want to queue we're best friends like that. Why controversial? Because of this
Wrote by Nicole
Holiday Inn Chiang Mai Review
/ August 02, 2017








Chiang Mai has never really struck me as an appealing city to travel to, sure there are plenty of hipster cafes, night markets, and cool temples in town to explore, but there seems to be a missing element of allure that made me
Wrote by Nicole
Wat Phu Tok: Monks Living on Thailand Hilltop
/ July 28, 2017











"Wat" means temple in Thai. The name translates to "Temple of the Table Mountain". Yet Wat Phu Tok is no ordinary temple. It doesn't even look like a temple to begin with. It's a stone hill. Stood majestically away in the rural countryside
Wrote by Nicole
ABOUT ME

Interests:
Snowboard. Scuba dive. Paint.
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