How You Behave Stems Strongly From How Your Parents Raise You

One of my biggest secrets is that I have astonishingly low self esteem. It's part of me growing up, which can be a surprise to many despite my outward appearance. Looks can lie. And I have fooled a many, albeit unintentionally.

It was one of the reasons why I couldn't bring myself to wear a bikini, ever, out in public or in front of a camera, until recently, although it might seem like a tiny step to many, it was HUGE for me. An action that not only takes courage, took years of wisdom and self-improvement mindset to develop the confidence.

Today I came across this set of advises against bad parenting and I was floored by how true they were. One of them struck a nerve and it says:

Bad parenting

Now I have amazing parents, and more loving and caring and helpful any child can ever hope for. They are my pillars of strength throughout my life, truly they are. I can't imagine where I'd end up if not for them.

But if there is any flaw in their teachings as parents, it's this: they almost never gave words of encouragements. When they do come, they come scarce and comprehensively infrequent. Not when I appeared on national tv, has my own column in the national paper, when I was featured on popular magazines, getting paid doing what I absolutely love, nor establishing a business of my own.

And it is such a typical Asian parent's trait. Any form of praise, encouragement, positive wordings never pass their lips. Not even a nod of agreement to signify some form of encouragement.

Many times I contributed the many steps I took in life to my low self esteem. Out of fear of uncertainty/failure I gave up or rejected opportunities that came my way; change course of direction because I felt I couldn't make it when life threw me lemons. Presented with a great capital investment, I gave it away to others who I thought were more capable to utilise such funds (which turned out to be a mistake).

I was so much more capable than I thought I was, but I didn't pursue my capabilities because I thought others, who portrayed to have more confidence, was surely more capable than I am (how else will they possess such confidence). Just to find out the bitter way that many confidence I witnessed in people in life originated from naivety and ignorance.

Till today I have to constantly remind myself that I am better than I think I am; despite taking way too many precautions and calculations before taking the next step.

To end the post, here's the full list of the bad parenting notes I've read. Which trait(s) do you possess?
(trait #8 was also true for me as a kid since praises rarely come my way either)

Bad parenting

Bad parenting

Bad parenting

Bad parenting

Bad parenting

Bad parenting

Bad parenting

Bad parenting

Bad parenting

Bad parenting

Bad parenting

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2 kissed Nicole

  1. Stumbled upon your blog today. Thanks for the refreshing post! Indeed, I agreed with your point 3. Understood perfectly what you meant, because like you, I have low self-esteem, always doubting myself - my decisions and my capabilities. And inwardly, I blamed my dad at times, although we have a great relationship but at times I can't help thinking its the top-down approach that has landed me in this state. With age creeping up, he has mellowed down significantly and no longer does that. But the damage has been done.

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    1. I'm sorry to hear. The bright side is it could have been a lot worse and we have surfaced much better than a lot of less fortunate people. I hope you manage to manage your self-esteem since. Good luck.

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