Ash, Growth, Tumor and Blood (inc photo collection of Seoul, South Korea)

Life has always been good to me, but it has also been harsh on me.
I grew up in a loving home with two very loving parents, dominated by introverts that were understood by few.

Sheltered at birth, I knew very little of the outside world and socialising was hard for me.
It took travelling and many travellers to obtain my personality today, most days I still find myself housesitting because it's where my comfort zone is, it's where I get my "me time" and I need a lot of that, and often.

Before the internet, my family kind of personality was not well perceived or received in society. People can be cruel towards those which they don't understand. It made me a very angry child, I didn't understand the emotion I was building up inside, so I cried a lot, and then I raged a lot. Which made people distance themselves further.

I was fortunate in the sense that I was always surrounded by people who love me, there weren't a lot of them at any given time, but they were there. I was never in an abusive relationship, and I had parents who were there for me all the time. I didn't come from money but I never really needed to worry about money, not really, no. I had the privilege to see the world at a young age and to continue that passion till today. I count my blessings everyday.

Then my mom left us November last year. Too young. Too soon. In an instant, everything I ever knew changed. I saw many things in a new perspective. Few things matter. In a nutshell, my world dimmed. I no longer see colors in the things I do. I stopped being friends with people who didn't matter or bother. I lost the drive to thrive in life. My sole motivation in life now lies in ashes in an urn 100 miles away.

I spent many nights sobbing following her death. My body eventually gave in and I started experiencing severe hair fall in January. Huge chunks would come out when I swept through my hair with my hand or when I was in the shower. Half my hair volume must've come off in that single month. So I had my hair cut in February to help my visually thinning hair.

A month ago bf's sister discovered a 20cm size fibroid growth in her, following that a close friend was recently diagnosed with stage 3 thymic cancer and is going through chemotherapy. Then yesterday my dad told me he found blood in his stool, they'll be performing scope on him tomorrow. It felt like I was barely catching my breath before being thrown back into the fire pit.

I'm taking each day as it comes, and it's been my words of encouragement to those suffering around me. Cause sometimes, that is all you could manage.

Ending this post with a collection of photos of my recent trip to Seoul, South Korea.

PS// just realised it's my birthday tomorrow. 


2 kissed Nicole

  1. Happy Birthday to you, Nicole!

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